From Now On
by AlbusLucyus
Summary: When Gryffindor Kate falls for her fellow 7th year Sirius Black she knows it's not going to be easy but can their love survive all manner of tests?
1. Mondays

Argh! I'd always hated Mondays; it takes five days to get to Friday then two days to get to Monday I mean that's just not bloody fair. Anyway this Monday was considerably worse than other Mondays if that was even possible. The reason why comes in the form of Henry Johnson, Ravenclaw, 7th year and on Monday morning he was my boyfriend but by Monday evening, not so much. I knew it would happen, we'd kind of been falling apart at the seams for a few weeks but I convinced myself I could make it work but well I couldn't, at all. People knew we were a couple at Hogwarts, enough that everybody would talk if we broke up. That bothered me, the fact people would talk about it and nobody would actually have a bloody clue what they were actually talking about. I mean I was the one who got broken up with and I wasn't completely sure what or where it had gone wrong. Hence why I was crying in the common room at one in the morning, I thought at this time nobody would be around. As my crying eased off I actually began to fall to sleep until I heard footsteps falling softly onto the stone floor. Completely spooked, I whipped my want out and yelled "STUPEFY!" into the darkness to which there was a bright shield of light as the hidden person blocked by spell.

"Fucking hell, are you trying to wake up the whole bloody castle!" I could tell it was a man by now and his voice was clearly irritated, as he stepped into the firelight I was kind of surprised to see who it was. Sirius Black.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, sounding like a real hypocrite but I was too tired and bewildered to even care, he stared at me like I was complete moron.

"What are you doing here?" He replied childishly avoiding my question. I noticed a piece of parchment sticking out his pocket; he followed my line of sight and shoved the paper out of sight.

"Well I _was_ sleeping" I replied trying to make my voice sound bitter and resentful but instead I just sounded slurred and kind of drunk.

"Isn't that kind of the point of us having dorms?" He mocked, leaning against an armchair. I could tell he wanted me to go upstairs so he could do whatever he was doing before but I just sat back down. Then after a moment he moved a little closer and seemed to concentrate on my eyes, which is possibly the most unnerving experience in my entire life "Have you been crying?" Oh fuck.

"What?" I said stupidly trying to look anywhere but at his face yet when I tried to avert my eyes he would dart in front of my face and meet them again which started to get really annoying and I began to wonder why the hell I didn't just stay in my dorm.

"You have haven't you?" He said his voice still had a slight jeer to it but it was a lot softer, I literally would have given anything to be out of that situation, I would have lived the rest of my life in the toilets with Moaning Myrtle just to escape his annoyingly penetrating stare.

"You don't beat around the bush do you?" I replied looking up at him, he shrugged and then continued to stare at me waiting for an answer "It's not really any of your business" I grumbled, looking into the fire although I could see his figure my the side of the armchair in my peripherals.

"No it's not but I often get involved in things that aren't 'really any of my business' so you gonna tell me?" He asked casually. I didn't even know the guy, well apart from him being like a Gryffindor legend and all so I don't know why he thought I should tell him my life issues. But even weirder I felt myself wanting to tell him.

"It's just dumb stuff that I really shouldn't be crying over in the first place hence why I came down to the common room at this time so I could do it in peace..._alone_" I hinted but he completely ignored it.

"It's not dumb if it makes you cry" He said as he sat on the armchair next to mine, the firelight flickered on his face and it made him look well I don't really know but I mean nobody should be allowed to look that good at one in the morning.

"Well it is dumb and I don't want to talk about him" I sighed then realised I'd kind of just completely given it away, he nodded his head knowingly.

"So is this about that Johnson guy you're with?" He asked resting his head against his hand; this boy obviously had no problems with confidence _or_ social conventions.

"_Was _with" I clarified, Sirius made a low whistle and gestured for me to continue "He broke up with me this afternoon, he turned out to be kind of a prick" Henry had turned out to be a pompous prat in the end and honestly I did sometimes consider the merits of punching him in the face.

"Well he was a Ravenclaw" Sirius commented smiling, for some strange reason I couldn't help but smile in response.

"At least he wasn't a Slytherin" I remarked grinning lazily, I did feel really tired now.

"Their twats too" He chuckled and I found myself laughing along, I'd been crying a few minutes ago he probably thought I was bipolar or something.

"You dislike anyone who isn't a Gryffindor" I smiled and he laughed at that, at this point the portraits began tutting and shushing. I strained to keep my eyes open.

"That's not true, I like Hufflepuffs and I can tolerate Ravenclaws but I hate all Slytherins with a passion" I don't know if I imagined it but at that point I saw something flicker in his eyes not mischief or concern but it looked kind of like pain and hatred but before I knew it was really there it was gone.

"Thanks Sirius" I muttered and he chuckled, he may have said something else but I can't recall and that's the last thing I remember of that night. The night I first spoke to Sirius Black.


	2. There Is Nothing Going On

I woke up the next morning at around 6 in the morning, I looked around dazed by my surroundings then realised I'd fallen asleep in the armchair in the common room but there was a blanket over me, had I put that there? Then I realised the finer points of last night, the crying and the chat with Sirius Black. A couple of people were milling about the common room; I looked to the empty armchair next to me and decided to get ready a little earlier than normal.

I got into my dorm and my best friends Jane and Emma were already up and dressed, they looked at me expectantly as I entered the room. They obviously knew I'd broken up with Henry but they didn't really know what kind of state I was in, I grinned at them and I could see them visibly relax.

"You didn't sleep here last night" Emma commented as she shoved some books into her bag even though there was no way she would actually need that many books in one day but that was just Em, I searched for my hairbrush as we talked, I normally got ready at the last minute but today I actually had some time.

"No, I didn't" I agreed as I began brushing my hair but as per usual the more I brushed the more frizzy it became, I looked in my draw for some hair potion but the bottle was empty. Jane smiled and handed me her bottle.

"You're so disorganized Kate" Jane smiled "Me and Em are going for breakfast, should we wait for you?" I shook my head adamantly "Ok, we'll talk about everything properly later, promise" They both smiled and gave me quick hugs before departing, thankfully the hair potion worked because aside from that I looked awful, I could pass for a Hogwarts ghost I was that pale, the black uniform didn't help either not to mention my eyes looked so dark from lack of sleep it looked like I'd been punched. I really was still exhausted and it seemed like a really good idea just to have a quick sleep but by the time I resurfaced I realised it was halfway through first lesson. Wait, HALFWAY THROUGH FIRST LESSON!

My first class was Potions and I ran from the Gryffindor common room to the Potions room which is quite a way, by the time I got there I was sweating like crazy and I stumbled into the classroom which had gone deathly silent. I saw several eyes all with different expressions look at me. Jane with a classic eye roll thinking 'she's so disorganized', Henry with a scoff which really made me angry and this was one of those times I wanted to punch him then I saw Sirius who just winked at me.

"Ah Kate...is there any particular reason your late?" Slughorn asked from the blackboard, I tried to think of an excuse but nothing came to mind.

"I overslept" I replied honestly and made my way to my seat which was rather hideously still next to Henry.

"I'm afraid that will have to be a detention Miss. Winslow, tonight 8 'o clock" He said and then returned to the blackboard and told us to read through page 390. Henry kept making annoying tutting noises which really started to bug me.

"What is your problem!" I hissed eventually, Henry looked at me like I was a small child or something. I needed to find a new seat in that class.

"You, it's your 7th year Kate, your final NEWT year and you decide to have a lie in" He gave a derisive snort and I wanted to get the cauldron and just clobber him with it.

"I did not decide to have a lie in!" I snapped, looking up from my text book.

"Well everyone else managed to get into class on time; I mean do you think you're above the rules or something?" And this is why we fell apart because he became like this, a complete idiot.

"Well obviously not seeing as I just got detention so just go back to your reading" I said angrily, trying to read the page but all I saw was black ink.

"Is this because I broke up with you?" What the... Did he really just say that?

"What do you mean by that?" I asked completely flummoxed as to what he meant by that statement.

"Are you being all off with me because I broke up with you?" He clarified.

"No, I'm being off with you because you're a twat!" I replied, at this point there were various 'oohs and ahhs' from the class and I realised they'd been listening to most of our conversation. Brilliant. I turned around and saw Jane smiling at me half sympathetically, half amused and then Sirius grinning widely at me, the rest of the Marauders were looking from him to me obviously wondering what the heck was going on. What the heck was going on? All I know is I was extremely happy when that class finished.

At lunch me, Jane and Em decided to go at sit by the black lake, it was the end of October but it was surprisingly warm. I gazed out and let the sun shine onto my face, it was the most relaxed I'd felt in a while.

"So, you and Henry...you want to tell us about it?" Jane asked as she threw stones into the lake, I continued to just stare absently into the distance and Emma was scribbling into her notebook.

"Not much to say, at the end of the summer he became obsessed with NEWTs which is fair enough but then when we got back to school he started to kind of resent me because I wasn't obsessed with them, I kept trying to make it work but he just thought I wasn't taking everything seriously and he was apparently sick of it so he broke it off" I sighed "I mean it sucks but I think I was trying to hold on to something that was gone, someone that was gone" My friends looked at me a little surprised, I wasn't known for my displays of affection and emotion. Emma threw her notebook down and shuffled across the grass to hug me; I laughed and accepted the hug.

"I'd never been his biggest fan but I am sorry it didn't work out" Jane smiled shielding her eyes from the sun, she was about to say something else when she noticed a group of four guys walking along. As they got closer we all realised it was the Marauders, they all walked past not looking at us apart from Sirius who gave me cheerful grin and waved, I quickly waved back. The other Marauders looked at him then to me, James Potter in particular seemed thoroughly confused and tugged his friend away. As they walked into the distance I could see James grilling Sirius and I knew I was about to endure the same fate.

"What was that about?" Emma asked looking at me with wide eyes, I looked at her blankly "Sirius Black just waved at you" She pushed. Jane, who is known for coming to the wrong conclusion extremely quickly, looked at me shocked.

"Oh-my-god" She said looking around erratically "It all makes sense, Sirius Black winking and waving and grinning at you, you doing the same back...that never happened before yesterday and you broke up with Henry yesterday and yesterday you didn't sleep in our dormitory...YOU SLEPT WITH SIRIUS BLACK!" Oh Jesus Christ. I loved Jane but sometimes she could be a really moron.

"Calm down Miss. Marple" I sighed and Emma laughed knowing what Jane was like when she got an idea in her head "I did not sleep with him, I slept in the common room where I saw him last night and he said hi and stuff" I didn't want to add the crying over Henry part and the part about being comforted by Sirius, that would be an awkward and unnecessary conversation as I probably wouldn't speak to him again anyway.

"So what time was this?" Jane continued, she really did think she was in an Agatha Christie novel when she got in one of these moods.

"Like...11, most people had gone to bed because it was a Monday night" I replied, that sounded realistic enough.

"Hmm, and he just spoke to you completely out of the blue?" Jane narrowed her eyes. Ok this one could possibly catch me out because I was in my 7th year of Hogwarts and he'd never spoken to me once apart from maybe one time over something trivial in Divination once.

"Well he asked...what the time was and then I answered and he just said thanks and wandered off" I said, lying with ease at this point. Jane looked at me and then accepting my answer shrugged and went back to skimming stones.

"So nothing is going on with you and Sirius Black?" Emma clarified looking up from her text book.

"Nothing at all" I replied smiling "Nor would I want there to be" As I said the last part I couldn't help but wonder whether that was a lie as well, did I want there to be something with Sirius Black?


	3. Detention

Detention with Slughorn that night was easy and passed relatively quickly, I just sorted out potion bottles and Slughorn kept chatting now and again which was nice. We talked a little about his parties and I said how great they were and how much I always enjoyed them which was a half truth, they could be ok but sometimes they made me want to hex myself just for something to do.

"That should be enough for tonight Miss. Winslow, it's nearly 10...ah time flies" He bumbled and walked off into his office, I put the last potion bottle back and wandered out of the room. I kind of liked detention, you normally got to do something quiet and methodical and I needed that because with Henry, NEWTS, a growing threat that the Prophet kept mentioning and now Sirius Black my head felt like it could give in any second.

The common room had a few people in, a fifth year called Jack, a third year called Eve, a 7th year called Susan who I kind of knew and in the corner slightly bent over and looking curiously at a book was Sirius. As I walked in I looked over at him and he grinned and beckoned me over. Hesitantly I walked over and sat down on one of the comfy armchairs, it was such a welcome break from two hours of sitting on a wooden stool that I sighed and sprawled out in it.

"So how was detention with old Sluggy?" He asked grinning looking up from his book on Lycanthropy which was slightly weird because I was sure we studied that in 3rd year.

"Old Sluggy?" I laughed, he was probably the only person who could pull off calling him that "It was nice, I could get my head together and stuff" I'd tried to clear my head of Henry and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be, it felt good to be moving me on so quickly although that was probably a testament to how bad our relationship was.

"Yeah, I enjoyed your little argument in Potions broke up the monotony nicely" He grinned "But seriously are you alright?" He asked doing the smouldering stare thing again, if I was going to talk to that boy coherently then he needed to be blindfolded or something.

"Yeah, things go wrong, he was too serious for it to work out in the end" I smiled, settling into the armchair and realising how easy it was to talk to him.

"Serious as if in too serious about the relationship?" He asked curiously pouring Bertie Botts Beans into his hand and eating them as looked at me like it was popcorn at the movies.

"No, serious as if in he was like frantically crazed about NEWTS and would never ease up for a second" I said yawning slightly, I mean I knew NEWTs were important but they weren't everything, you're more than a grade on a piece of paper at the end of the day.

"So you're chilled out about NEWTs then?" He asked sceptically, looking back to his lycanthropy book.

"Not chilled out, it's a big year and NEWTs are scary but I don't define myself by my grades" I said and he stared and then beamed at me which was quite possibly the most dazzling thing I'd ever seen in my life "What?" I asked rather confused as to what had made him so happy.

"Nothing I just said the same thing to James earlier today" He shrugged and I couldn't help but smile, I was pretty sure it wasn't normal to be smiling that much the day after a break up and I was also sure that the smiling was to do with Sirius Black "Bean?" He offered holding out the stripy box, gingerly I took one and instantly regretted it "What did you get?" He asked animatedly.

"Cough medicine" I spluttered hoping that rich, chemically taste would leave my mouth soon "Your turn" I pushed the box towards him and Sirius obliged.

"Hmm lemon" He grinned and then persisted that I should carry on until I got a nice one although the rest of them went in this order: petrol, paint, earwax, tripe, ketchup and then by some miracle coconut.

"Success at last" I coughed wanting to run and brush my teeth, Sirius and I laughed for a while before I decided that I really should get to bed to avoid a repeat of that morning "Night Sirius" I called as I walked towards the girls dormitories.

"Goodnight Kate" He yelled louder than necessary, I smiled at him one last time before running up the stairs to my dorm, stopping to brush my teeth on the way.

"That detention took ages" Jane said as I walked in the door, she was flipping through a Witches Weekly and Em was asleep "It's 11 o' clock, you've been at detention this whole time?" She said shocked, I kept silent because I didn't want to lie again. I quickly got dressed into my pyjamas and jumped onto my bed; it was absolute bliss "Remember there's a Hogsmeade visit this weekend" Jane commented even though I was too drowsy to really partake in a conversation.

"Yeah I need some sweets from Honeydukes if I am ever going to survive this term, you and Em are coming right?" I asked trying to keep my eyes on Jane who looked up at me like I was stupid.

"No, we're revising this weekend, we did tell you" She smiled "You're such a ditz" She laughed and went back to her magazine; I was too exhausted to even argue so I just accepted the insult and fell asleep.

The rest of the week dragged. Jane and Emma had buried themselves under Muggle Studies which I chose not to take because I'm muggle born so I already knew it all and it would have been a complete and utter bore. But luckily for Em and Jane me being muggle born meant any concerns or questions they had about Muggle Studies I could answer with ease, if only I could of done that in my own subjects. I chose to take: Charms, Defence against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Potions and call me crazy but I chose to take History of Magic. Henry would give me an occasional glare because he hadn't yet gotten over me calling him a twat and I didn't really Sirius all week but when I did he was with the Marauders and they all seemed to be very focused on something, I waved to him in corridor once but he talking to Remus so I kind of got ignored which was pretty embarrassing seeing as I then had to walk past a group of 5th year girls who were giggling at the rejection. And that was exciting as it got, roll on Hogsmeade.


	4. Hogsmeade

It was the start of November the day of the Hogsmeade weekend, when I looked out my window that morning it looked bitterly cold, I did consider jumping back in bed but then I realised my need for sweets oh and hair potion was more important. Jane and Em had already left for the library which was kind of annoying because Jane usually made sure I didn't go out looking like a tramp but anyway I threw a brown knitted jumper, tied my frizzy post-brushed hair up and thought it was unnecessary to put make up on. As I walked out the door Jane walked in and yelped melodramatically.

"You can't go to Hogsmeade looking like that!" She said aghast "What if Henry saw you...in fact what if anyone saw you!" And this is why I needed her, Jane then proceeded to pick out a new outfit, use the last of her hair potion on me and do my makeup. I felt a little like a Barbie but it was necessary because if it was down to me I would easily leave the school looking like Worzel Gummidge "You're so pretty Kate...I really do hate you" She laughed and I stuck my tongue out her, I promised to buy her more hair potion seeing as I'd used most of it and she agreed before running back to the library.

The village was not that busy probably because it was so bloody cold I wrapped by scarf tighter around me because there was a really bitter wind. Once I'd got three bottles of hair potion I crossed the street to Honeydukes and sighed as I walked into the warm, fragrant shop. By the door there were some wicker baskets that people normally only used around Christmas time but I picked one up as I intended to buy a lot and Jane and Em weren't there to reign me in so proceeded to buy the following things: acid pops, chocoballs, Drooble's best blowing gum, exploding bon bons, fizzing whizbees, fudge flies, jelly slugs, pepper imps, sugar quills and finally Honeydukes fudge. The man at the counter smiled and said "Early Christmas shopping?" So I just thought sure let's go with that and nodded. I probably looked such a glutton coming out of Honeydukes with two bags but oh well I was heading straight back to the castle but as I got out the door I banged straight into someone and the boxes and bags of sweets fell all over the cobbled pavement, instinctively I jumped to the ground and starting picking them all up when I realised a familiar voice.

"Kate?" You could practically hear the grin in his tone; I looked up to see Sirius chuckling "You know we're allowed to use wands right?" He laughed flicking his and all the sweets went back in the bags, I picked them up and scrambled back to my feet with them blushing heavily "Are these all for you?" He asked looking a little surprised.

"No...of course not" I said but he raised an eyebrow at me disbelievingly "Yes, every single last one" I smiled and he laughed. He looked kind of shattered today, his eyes were dark and his skin was pale and there was a small gash across his left cheek. But before I could ask about it he spoke.

"You want to take a walk with me?" I was temporarily stunned, I mean it was just a walk but it was with Sirius Black, a guy that last week I'd never really spoken to but this week I had some sort of feelings for him not necessarily romantic just feelings. However he took my silent inner monologue as hesitance "I was just asking in case you had nothing else to do but if you do then..." He trailed off.

"No I don't, a walk sounds good" I smiled and he grinned we began walking off down the street.

We eventually got to a fence by the Shrieking Shack and we gazed out at it, neither of us had really spoken but neither did we feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. It was easy and I didn't feel like I was swimming against the current like I did for most of the time I was with Henry.

"You scared?" He said, leaning against the metal fence and looking at me challengingly.

"No" I rolled my eyes; I mean an old building that creaks in the night is hardly the scariest thing I've ever heard.

"So you'd go up to it?" He looked at me unblinkingly; I looked out at the weathered building, sizing it up. It was pretty freaky but I wouldn't say it unnerved me.

"Yeah I suppose so...you?" He looked at me obviously amused even though I didn't say anything, sometimes it felt like he had an inside joke about everything but then again he was one of the Marauders.

"Yeah, I might even go in it" He laughed and I just rolled my eyes at him fishing some jelly slugs from my bag. We talked about this and that for a while, interrupting our conversations with the occasional jelly slug race, which I always won by the way "So are you looking forward to the exciting Christmas assembly?" He grinned "An hour of sitting through endless poems and glad tidings and other crap like that, I might just skip it this year" He seemed to notice the fact I had gone bright red to the point it properly looked like I was choking on a jelly slug "What?" He asked slightly concerned. Oh goodness I could not admit this in front of him, you see the thing was Flitwick had wanted to start a muggle choir, he asked me and Lily about it in Charms because we were the only two muggleborns in 7th year and Lily had gave a definite no and I, way too enthusiastically, said yes. Now I was sort of the joint leader of this muggle music choir and I was performing a solo in Christmas assembly in front of the school which Sirius would laugh at, which everyone would probably laugh at actually "Kate?" He waved his hand in front of my face.

"Um, yeah I think you should skip it...definitely skip it" I nodded frantically and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"What are you hiding?" He asked smiling; I tried to avert my gaze "Come on tell me" He said coaxingly.

"I am not telling you" I huffed looking back the way we came and briefly considered making a run for it but seeing as I'd just eaten god knows how many jelly slugs I properly wouldn't get far.

"Tell me or I guarantee you I will find out by the time I go to sleep tonight" He said and at first I laughed but then I realised he properly actually could, he would ask James who would be with Lily and she'd tell him about the choir or he'd ask Jane or Emma who think me disorganized as I am being a leader of a school choir is hilarious and would tell him everything laughing as they did it.

"Ok but before I tell you, promise you won't come to Christmas assembly" He looked at me thoughtfully "Promise?" I asked holding out my hand to shake, he looked at it and the shook it grinning in a very disconcerting way. I then proceeded to tell him all about the muggle music choir and the Christmas solo, he looked at me as waiting for me say it was a joke or something but when I didn't he burst into laughter until he eventually collected himself and said "I can't wait to see that"

"Too bad you're never going to see it then" I smiled and he looked at me before he grinned broadly.

"Oh there is no way I'm missing that" He replied as we headed back towards Hogsmeade. I turned on him furiously.

"But you promised...you shook on it" I snapped feeling flustered at the thought of the mortification I would have to endure.

"I crossed my fingers, doesn't count" He replied flippantly throwing me a grin and I began whacking him with the paper bags from Honeydukes, he held up his hands defensively about to speak but I was so angry that I cut him off.

"Piss off" I growled and stalked back to the castle, he shouted my name a couple of times but I think he realised I wasn't kidding so he didn't try to catch up with me or anything. I was so annoyed, it had been a great day, brilliant even and then it had to have a bloody awful ending. A bad ending to a bad week, seemed fitting enough.


	5. It's A Date

It was Wednesday and by this point I still hadn't spoken to Sirius, in fact I was sitting in Charms where me and Lily were sucking on a couple of sugar quills I'd brought in. When we were coping notes she turned to speak to me and I looked up curiously.

"Kate, can I ask you something?" Lily, who I was good friends with looked at me seriously, Lily was James Potter's girlfriend so anything that happened to Sirius got fed back to her through James or sometimes from Sirius himself so I assumed it was about him.

"Sure Lils go ahead" I said putting the sugar quill onto my book and looking at her expectantly.

"It's just well me and James are kind of concerned" She said chewing on her quill and frowning.

"About what?" I asked casually although I already knew what they were concerned about or rather whom they were concerned about.

"Sirius, James kind of noticed that you two sort of became friends last week...is that right?" She asked and I nodded "It's just when Sirius came back from Hogsmeade on Saturday he was is one of his moods and he wouldn't really talk much to anyone...he just said your name a couple of times intercepted by a string of profanities and you've been brooding pretty much all week so my question is what's going on?" She asked looking at me beseechingly with those green eyes, I swear I had no willpower when people turned on the pleading stares.

"Well we're friends kind of and on Saturday he broke a promise so I'm kind of pissed and obviously he feels the same" I sighed and I could tell Lily was looking at me but I kept my eyes on the book.

"What promise?" She asked writing down a sentence then returning her stare to me.

"He promised he wouldn't come to the Christmas assembly" I muttered realising what a moron I sounded, Lily tilted her head "But when I told him I was in it he said he was going to come to it...thus breaking the promise" I clarified, oh god this all sounded so much more reasonable and valid in my head but when I actually said it out loud it sounded ridiculous.

"And that's why you're annoyed at each other?" She asked incredulously, looking at me like I was mental. I nodded. "Kate, you are an idiot" No point sugar coating it obviously "He obviously wanted to come to the assembly because you're in it" She sighed, I wasn't that stupid I knew he'd want to come and laugh at me making an absolutely tit of myself in front of the school but the thing is I didn't want him to see that, I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to see that.

"I don't want him to see it Lily, I will die of embarrassment before I even get to the solo...do you know what I have to do in that assembly Lils...would you like to know?" Lily was smiling now at my slight hysteria. I proceeded to tell her what I actually had to do in assembly and she burst out laughing and then looked at me with deep sympathy "Ok I understand why you didn't want him to see that but still promise me you'll sort it out, Sirius in a mood is just eugh" I agreed that I would 'sort it out' although I had no idea how I was going to do that. Oh well I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

It was about 9 that evening when I sat in the chair next to Sirius, Lily had somehow managed to get the Marauders to clear off to the other side of the room. He looked at me darkly as I sat down so I just smiled cheerfully in response. Cue very long awkward silence.

"About Saturday...I may have slightly overreacted" I said and he looked at me blankly "But in my defence what I have to do in that assembly should not be witnessed by any person on this Earth" I could see a smile playing on his mouth and he turned to me and gave me a grin, it made me feel really strange, strange in a good way though and in a way I'd never felt before.

"What exactly do you have to do?" He asked curiously leaning onto the side of his armchair, I explained that it could be a surprise and he agreed that it would be funnier that way to which I threw a cushion at him. We carried on laughing and bantering for a while and he actually apologized for breaking his promise before he said he had a mountain of homework to get through that Remus was going to help him with. I snuggled into the armchair and picked up a book that had been lying on the side, somebody had obviously left it here from their studies as it was a Care of Magical Creatures book. At this pointed Sirius got up "See you, good luck with the homework" I grinned and he wandered off but literally a moment later he was back "Forgotten something?" I asked casually as I looked up from a very exciting page on Billywigs. He was looking down at me frowning so I actually decided I should pay attention.

"Do you want to um go with me to the next Hogsmeade weekend...as friends?" He asked lacking his usual easy confidence and grin.

"Yeah...sure" I agreed nodding, he grinned and gave me a wink before he headed back to his friends and I headed back to learning the joys of Billywigs.

I went up to my dorm that night and I was smiling like an absolute idiot, when I entered and my friends saw me grinning like it was frozen in place they looked at me suspiciously which was fair enough seeing as I had been a little mopey since Saturday.

"Ok firstly stop the Cheshire cat thing because it's creeping me out and secondly what's going on?" Jane asked looking up from a sprawl of textbooks, I really needed to start doing more revision I mean the first time I'd looked at a school book aside from class was that evening and it wasn't even my schoolbook.

"I kind of have a date for the next Hogsmeade weekend" I said cautiously as a got out my Honeydukes stash and began passing out cubes of fudge which they accepted but didn't eat as they were waiting for me to speak.

"Who with?" Emma asked staring at me. I burst into a smile again, jeez I had to stop doing that I was 17 not 7.

"Sirius Black" I stated quietly, not really used to the way his name sounded on my tongue. They both looked at him like I had just smacked them "Guys?"

"Yeah, I heard but you said...nothing was going on with Sirius Black nor would you want there to be" Jane commented not really understanding what was happening so I decided to tell the truth, all of it, including the crying and the chat after detention and the Hogsmeade visit and what just happened right now. They looked at me surprised and silent before they began laughing and went absolute crackers. Screw being 17, I began jumping around and shouting and yelling along. The fudge was disregarded on my bed, we jumped around in our hyper state for a while before finally settling down and we had a really long discussion about Sirius and then about Jane's life and then Em's life. It was really chilled out and relaxed finishing the day off nicely.


	6. Are You Dating Him?

"Kate?" James Potter, who sat next to me in Defence against the Dark Arts turned around and smiled in the same easy way Sirius did.

"Yeah James?" I smiled back, we didn't really talk much only the occasional chatter about how NEWTs were impossible or that we wished the weekend would come quicker.

"So you and Sirius going on a date" He grinned, I wasn't sure whether he was making fun of me or whether he was really actually happy. He did look pretty happy.

"Yeah, well we're going to Hogsmeade but we're not going to Madam Puddifoots or anything, I would not be seen dead at that place" I made a disgusted face and he laughed raucously causing everyone to look around.

"Yeah if you wanted to get him there I think you'd have to use the Imperio curse" James smiled and then looked back at the board pushing his glasses up "You like him though?" He asked casually but I could the answer to this question was important.

"Yeah, very much so" I smiled embarrassed and James grinned, satisfied with my response. James was so easy to get along with I could see why he was with Lily, they fitted together perfectly.

"I'm glad Sirius likes you Kate" He smiled jotting down something from the board.

"So am I" I laughed and went back to my work, it was a brief conversation but enough to have a good effect on me for the day, actually the week in fact which seemed to pass very quickly.

It was the Friday before the Hogsmeade weekend and upon constant pushing from Lily, Jane and Emma I had decided I should probably revise. It was late November now and I had yet to read a book that wasn't from some random 5th year. I sat at a table in the library and began looking at my History of Magic book as that was my best and also favourite subject. I'd been doing some pretty solid reading for nearly an hour when I noticed a figure sit down at the table I was on, it broke my concentration so I looked up to see Henry, my ex-boyfriend, sitting opposite me.

"Hello Kate" He said in his haughty manner, I nodded once and went back to my book "So you've actually taken my advice" I continued to ignore him "You're actually starting to take NEWTs seriously" He smiled patronizingly, I just looked at him blankly. He was so frustrating, I did take NEWTs seriously, I always had for goodness sake!

"Did you want anything in particular or was it just to be study buddies?" I asked rather sarcastically but since around August that year Henry had failed to understand humour.

"No I study with Albert Miller; I just came to ask you about Sirius Black" I had the feeling this question would not be about Sirius Black but about me _and _Sirius Black. I waited kind of anxiously. "Are you...dating him?" He asked me looking rather angry, all though what he had to be angry about I don't know.

"Is that really any of your business?" I asked slightly affronted, this is why I didn't go to the library, bad things happen in libraries. Fact.

"I was your boyfriend for 7 months Kate so yeah I think you owe it to me" He snapped, I owed it to him! He was an awful boyfriend for two months and then chucked me because I didn't take exams seriously enough in his opinion and I 'owed him'. I promise you he wasn't always like this, the first few months we were together he was lovely and interesting and kind of amusing in his own way but now, I didn't even know the guy apart from the fact he got on my nerves...a lot.

"I don't know if I'm dating Sirius Black but if I did then you're the last person I would tell" I growled, throwing my book in my bag and leaving the library. Stupid Henry, stupid library actually pretty stupid day.

That afternoon I received a gift from my 5 year old cousin who had been on holiday to Dorset; it was a postcard with some scribbled words on it, I could make out 'sun' and 'water' and 'bye'. They had also included a lovely glittery rubber ball which I proceeded to bounce off the common room wall as I sat in a corner. I had a free fifth period because there was no History of Magic lesson on a Friday but eventually after an hour of bouncing, students started to swarm into the common room. First to come up to me were Lily and Jane; they slumped next to me and watched the rubber ball bounce back and forth.

"Please tell me you haven't spent your whole free period bouncing that ball around?" Jane asked, I decided it was safer not to reply "Kate, you really should revise soon" She smiled and opened up a Divination book. Eugh.

"I did revise today actually; I spent pretty much my whole lunch revising until Henry came along" At this statement both Lily and Jane looked at me surprised.

"What happened?" Lily asked curiously dumping her own book on her lap.

"We got back together" I said calmly, being a brilliant actress I may add. Next thing I know a leather cushion smacked me really hard in the face, I turned around and saw Lily looking at me with wide eyes, steam practically coming out her ears "Woah, chill out Lils I was kidding" At this she looked relieved but still furious.

"KATHERINE WINSLOW!" Lily yelled causing me to jump 5 foot in the air, that girl really did have a voice on her sometimes "That was not funny, that was not funny at all" Lily when she's angry is quite formidable so I sobered up quickly and Jane gave me an amused 'you shouldn't of done that' stare.

Lily settled back down, Jane grinned and they both went back to their books. At this point the Marauders wandered in, James sat on the side of Lily's chair and then he leant over and kissed her on the head, it was so lovely and personal. Then Sirius jumped onto the sofa beside me, kicked his feet up onto the table and flicked the bouncy ball out my hand...ah romance. Remus Lupin smiled at me and him then him and Peter Pettigrew went upstairs to their dorm.

"So, you had a good day?" Sirius asked lazily, his head turned towards me as he rested it on the sofa. I gave a non-committal groan "Wow really, please tell me more" He grinned and I smacked him playfully round the face "No really, what happened?" He held his hands up in surrender.

"I was just sitting in the library, happily reading my History of Magic book-"

"Woah!" Sirius interrupted looking at me amusedly "You're one of the history handitards?" He looked so excited that I couldn't help but smile even though I knew I was about to be horribly insulted "Bloody hell! JAMES!" Sirius yelled, James who was talking animatedly to Lily looked up at his best friend and waited "Kate's one of the history handitards!" At this revelation James' expression matched Sirius'. Only four people took History of Magic at NEWT level and I was one of them but it was a fascinating subject, I swear.

"What the hell is a 'handitard'?" Jane asked looking from James to Sirius confusedly; I shrugged knowing it was insulting but not sure of to what extent.

"Would you like the exact definition?" Sirius chuckled and Jane rolled her eyes "To be so retarded, it handicaps your ability to function" Wow, terms of endearment right there.

"You really know what to say to a girl" I mocked, getting my rubber ball off the floor and throwing at Sirius. I was vaguely aware of James and Lily giving us some kind of look before they went back to their conversation.

"No, I'm sure History of Magic is very interesting" He nodded solemnly which just made us fall about laughing for a while longer "No come on, you was in the library..." He coaxed.

"Right and Henry came up to me and asked if I was dating you" I smiled easily; Sirius looked at me thoughtfully before he sat up straight.

"And what did you say?" He asked curiously, his eyes smoldering deeply.

"I said I didn't really know" I answered "What should I of said?" I asked feeling my heartbeat increasing, Sirius leant his head onto his hand in thought.

"Well I think you should say yes personally" Sirius grinned "But I am slightly biased" I smiled in agreement and he slumped back down onto the sofa, after a while he fell asleep with his head resting against my thigh. I let him stay there and Lily seeing I couldn't move for a while kindly passed me a Quidditch through the Ages book, not great reading but better than nothing. After a while people started to go to their dorms and Lily and James were about to head off. Sirius was still snoring away; James paused quickly before they both left.

"Kate just push the lazy twat on the floor, he won't care" He grinned and then followed Lily up the stairs. I put my hand on his shoulder to wake him up but then I looked at how peaceful he looked when he was asleep and I just couldn't do it so I rested my head against the cushion and fell asleep with him.


	7. Hogsmeade Strike Two

Saturday had arrived. My first official date with Sirius Black. At around 3 in the morning Sirius woke me up and coaxed me into going back to my dorm, I probably waffled for a bit as I normally do when sleepy but I woke up in my own bed so whatever he said must have worked. Jane and Emma were already up when I woke up at around 8 and they proceeded to ask me all the normal pre-date questions. Was I nervous? Yes. What would I wear? Whatever fell out the wardrobe first. Would I kiss him? No, no matter how much I liked someone I did not kiss on first dates-it was firm belief of mine.

After having my apparently hideous appearance rectified by Jane and Em I was ready to go, well outside I was ready, inside I was freaking out.

I met Sirius in the courtyard, Jane and Em seemed to think first date outfits matter so i'll share what Sirius was wearing. He was wearing blue jeans, baseball shoes and a checked shirt that was only half tucked in and a few buttons were undone, I lingered on that part longer than necessary. In short, he looked good. He walked up to me with his usual confidence, grinning as he went. We made the necessary hello, how are you prelude before he spoke properly.

"To Hogsmeade" He said in a superhero style voice. He began taking fast strides towards the village and I literally had to jog to keep up with him which made him howl with laughter and quicken his pace even more. Eventually we got there although I was about 30 seconds behind. And so the date began.

"So I was thinking Puddifoots?" Sirius stated as we got to Hogsmeade. I looked at him trying to think how to decline when he began laughing and I realised thankfully he was kidding "We could go for a walk, there's a really nice walk up some hills just past the village" He added in casually. I looked towards the hills he spoke of; they did look like they would offer some good views.

"I'm easy" I shrugged.

"I bet you are" He winked and I realised my mistake in making a double-entendre.

"Yeah you wish buddy" I laughed shoving him gently, he grinned mischievously and began leading the way to the 'lovely' hill walk.

On the way up we talked about school, my friends, his friends but after a while I was too out of breath to keep talking so I replied in moans, luckily when we got to the top conversation could resume.

"So how's the muggle music choir going?" Sirius asked suppressing a smile "Getting ready for the big solo?" It was not a big solo, it was just a solo and it was only because I was the only person in the choir who was really familiar with the song.

"I suppose so; people in the choir seem to enjoy the novelty of muggle music" I smiled admiring the view, you could see over the village, the hills and in the distance the castle and lake. It was kind of spectacular.

"What's it like being muggle-born, does magic seem more...well magical?" He smiled at his awkward wording.

"Wow, you're so eloquent and I don't think it's any different at all but there are some people who think being muggle-born makes all the difference in the world" I sighed thinking of the growing threat of these 'death-eaters' who followed a 'Dark lord'. I didn't read too much about it but I knew they were crazy about blood purity and they hated muggles. Sirius gently put his hand on my face and turned it to face him.

"Hey you're not worried about that are you?" He asked softly frowning with concern; it was odd to see him without his easy grin on his face.

"I don't know, sometimes...I worry that me or my family are going to be targeted once I've left the safety of Hogwarts" I muttered closing my eyes and breathing in deeply, after a second my thoughts went off on a tangent and then I started to wonder if my family would be targeted or whether it would just be me.

"Kate, look at me" Sirius said firmly and I met his steady gaze "You are an amazing witch, I mean you took History of Magic at NEWT level, you're a Gryffindor...and you are absolutely right being muggle-born doesn't make any difference whatsoever, nothing is going to happen to your family or you" He stated earnestly, I looked at him for a second before I threw my arms around him in a crushing hug. He laughed softly into my neck until eventually I pulled away "Um what was that for?" He grinned, lying down on the grass.

"Giving me a reality check, you know I really want to do something about these 'death-eaters' when I leave, do you?" I asked lying back next to him and looking up at the cloudy sky.

"Definitely, the Marauders have already talked about it and we definitely want to do something as soon as we leave" Sirius looked really serious about this like he was set on making a difference "But if you're going to join in too maybe we could do something together" He added as if thinking out loud.

"I'd like that" I smiled and I reached my hand a little closer to him and weirdly he'd done the exact same thing so our hands met in the middle, cautiously I wrapped my hand around his and he squeezed it "Sirius can I ask you something?" I looked over at him and he had his eyes closed but seemed to 'hmm' in agreement "Lily told me that your family are kind of big on blood purity" Sirius cautiously opened one eye here and looked at me as if to ask where I was taking this "Are they death eaters?" There was a momentary silence and I wondered if I'd crossed a line.

"No but they support Voldemort completely and I do have a couple of relations who are death eaters and I think-" He frowned as if trying to fight against his own words "Regulus will become one when he leaves Hogwarts, he just worships our parents and their ideals and he's very weak willed so he'll do whatever his peers do...I wish I could of done something but when I ran away from home in 5th year well they all hated me including Regulus and I hated them, I still do..." He trailed off and turned his face away from me. I knew the outline of this story, very vaguely from Lily but this was something else and my heart literally felt like it couldn't contain the pain and sympathy that I felt for him "Do you have any siblings?" He asked on a lighter note but he wasn't back to his normal self.

"I have an older sister but we're not very close apart from the occasional letters" I shrugged.

"Is she a muggle?" He asked casually, closing his eyes again.

"Yeah but she's not like Lily's sister, she thinks magic is cool but she said she can't relate to me or my life so that's why it's hard to be close" I smiled and decided we should probably head back, we got up but decided to keep our hands linked. We moved the conversation back to lighter topics and Sirius was soon smiling again which made me very relieved, eventually we got back to Hogsmeade and decided to finish up with a visit to the Three Broomsticks which was packed and anxiously I dropped Sirius hand on the pure basis I really didn't like people talking about my relationships, Sirius just grinned and then grabbed my hand, pulling me through the crowd to the counter. It had been a great day and I just knew it was the start of something that would change me and my life permanently.


	8. What Are You Doing For The Holidays?

The start of December was a blur, everyone was buzzing for Christmas and 7th years were getting even more freaked out about NEWTs. Days passed in the same sort of pattern the only thing that changed it were the occasional reports on the death eaters and Voldemort in the Daily Prophet but nothing too alarming. I didn't really see much of Jane, Lily or Em. I rarely saw Sirius as he seemed to be particularly caught up in NEWTs at the moment, he was actually one of the cleverest people in our year and I think he wanted to maintain that. I did lots of extra practices for muggle music choir which passed the time nicely and I did revise a lot more than I normally did, my school work was benefitting greatly from my dying social life. I'd decided to stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays because my parents were going to spend it with my sister and I didn't really want to stay at hers and fill the holidays with awkward small talk.

"Kate, what are you doing for the holidays?" Lily asked in a rare moment when everyone was sitting in the common room together, revising granted. I looked up from my Astronomy book which to be honest I wasn't really reading but everyone else had a book out and I didn't want to look like I was slacking.

"Um I'm staying here" I smiled and everyone apart from Sirius looked at me with confusion and pity like I was some abandoned child.

"Why?" Peter asked looking up at me curiously with a watery eyed expression; his voice was sympathetic.

"My parents are spending the holidays with my sister and it's always really boring" I laughed and everybody looked appeased and then broke off into different conversations about holiday plans.

"So you're staying here?" Sirius, who was sitting on the rug by my feet, tilted his head up and stared at me, I nodded "I'll stay too then" I looked at him wondering whether he was serious or not.

"Really?" I asked with excitement clearly in my tone. He grinned widely at me.

"Yeah, I was just gonna be milling around my flat all holiday then go to James' for Christmas day but I think he'll appreciate some time with his family when I'm not there for once" He chuckled and jumped up onto the sofa next to me "And we haven't seen much of each other which has been really bothering me so yeah I'll stay, it'll be great, think of all the things we could do!" He then proceeded to rattle off a list that should of been titled 'How to break every rule Hogwarts has'.

"You know as much as I hate NEWTs I really don't want to be expelled" I smiled and he put his arm up to the back of the sofa, signalling me to come to him. I laid my head against his shoulder, I noticed everybody had looked up from their books and conversations especially James and Lily who looked their faces might explode from the pressure of smiling so widely, it was kind of sweet though that they liked to see us happy.

"Ok but you at least have to hex a Slytherin, I think that may have to become a condition of us dating" He said throwing his DADA book onto the floor managing to hit James on the head on the way down.

"Woah, there are conditions now?" I asked teasingly looking at him, our faces inches apart. We then descended into making ridiculous conditions for the other one, his one to me being to prank the teachers during NEWT season and mine to him being to join Muggle Music choir, that shut him up so I guess I won that game. "I'm going to bed now otherwise I will never get up" We looked at each other for a moment and I wondered if we were going to kiss, was I ready to kiss him? I didn't know. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to jump him sometimes but that didn't mean I was ready right then...but would I ever be ready to kiss Sirius Black? "Um night then" I quickly picked up my books and dashed upstairs feeling like the anti-Gryffindor but I was not ready to kiss him yet, it needed to be right not perfect just...right.


	9. The Christmas Assembly

So this was it, the Christmas assembly. We were waiting in a room to the side of the great hall, in a minute we would have to go out and sing muggle music to the whole school. Why am I freaking out about that you ask? It is because not only do I have to sing muggle songs to the whole school, I have to sing muggle songs to the whole school dressed as reindeer. And I don't mean novelty flashing antlers, I mean full on costume...with some novelty flashing antlers. Flitwick was running over the songs with the other choir members and I would help now and again although I was pretty distracted by the coming mortification. Eventually we we're called out by Dumbledore, Lord help me.

As we walked in the hall was silent, deathly silent and then all together the hall burst into hysterical laughter. I looked at the choir, who were dressed as muggle Christmas elves and all younger years than me trying to smile reassuringly. At the end of my face I could see my flashing red nose and groaned inwardly, I looked hesitantly at the 7th year Gryffindors and here are there expressions: Jane-mortified just bloody mortified, Emma-sinking down on the bench trying to hide her laughter behind her hand, Lily-smiling reassuringly but I could see the laughter tugging at the ends of her mouth, Remus-same as Lily, Peter-looking at James and Sirius with an 'is this normal?' kind of expression, James-howling, absolutely howling with laughter, Sirius-See James.

We started to sing Rudolph the red nosed reindeer to which everybody looked at me, I stood at the front and tried to look really into it so the other kids in the choir didn't feel stupid. Everybody died down a little but they were still giggling and the Slytherins laughed a lot but they didn't heckle probably because they knew I was friends with the Marauders, there were no Slytherins in the choir which was not surprising. We finished the first song and everybody clapped slightly out of courtesy, we then went into Santa Claus is Coming to Town and people started to look slightly more into it, but I did not dare to venture a look at the Gryffindor 7th years again. We then finished with 8 days of Christmas which got a louder clap; we then got thanked by Dumbledore and left the hall. But where was my solo I hear you cry. Well that was going to be the finishing point of the assembly so we all had to get changed; Flitwick was letting us do it in black trousers, a white shirt and a red waistcoat as I had told him that was the normal muggle choir attire at Christmas. Flitwick said it had gone well for a first attempt and in fairness it had, we talked for a while about it and the Charms and then it was time for us all to return to the hall for the last song and my solo. People clapped as we came back out, I looked at Sirius and he looked at me waiting for 'the solo'.

The music for Gaudete began, very gently and then stopped and the singing began. Everyone sang the chorus and even I had to say it sounded extraordinarily beautiful, it can't even describe it anyway my task was to the verses which I did. My first verse was 'Tempus ad est gratiae hoc quod optabamus, Carmina laetitiae devote redamus'...easy as pie right? Anyway when I sang people looked at me very strangely kind of dazed, did that mean they liked it or not? I had sung in my church choir when I was younger and when I was alone I loved to sing. We got through the song and everybody remained silent throughout, I knew the song had that sort of effect that's why it was my favourite because it was so simple yet it did something to you. Anyway we finished and everybody remained silent before everybody cheered, really cheered like standing ovation cheering. I looked at the choir and clapped them and then Flitwick. People liked it, people actually liked it. Soon after that the assembly drew to a close and a few of the teachers came up to me and praised the choir including Dumbledore, I walked the choir back to the small room and thanked them before I ran back to Gryffindor Tower.

The tower was relevantly empty when I got back, everyone was doing last minute Christmas packing, my friends all looked at me as I got in like I was an alien. The first to break it Jane who shouted out "Why didn't you tell us you could sing like that!" I could feel my face starting to burn, singing was the one thing I was good at, everything was average apart from my ability to sing, I wasn't great or anything but good enough.

"If I could sing like you I wouldn't even bother talking" Lily grinned and I hugged her partly just to hide my red face but mostly out of thanks. The other congratulated me and then disbursed leaving me and Sirius. I asked him what he thought about the muggle choir.

"I thought it was alright" He shrugged and I wacked him playfully "No, you were brilliant, really bloody brilliant and you made a very sexy reindeer by the way" He smiled and pulled me closer by my waist and we looked at each other laughing, completely catching us off guard, a camera flashed. I turned to see Jane grinning and waltzing away with the camera. Sirius just looked at me laughed, his eyes practically dancing in the glow of the common room. It was then I knew how much I liked him, the extent of my feelings and I grinned at him, before ruffling his hair and parting to my dormitory.


	10. Happy Holidays

The next morning was the morning everybody went home for the holidays, in the morning me and Emma were helping Jane close her trunk, a hard task believe me. Eventually we got it closed and Jane sighed in relief "Kate, come here" I followed Jane to the drawers by her bed, she opened the top draw and passed me a piece of paper "It's the best picture I've ever taken" She says simply and I took the paper carefully. It's the picture of me and Sirius, he's sitting on the side of a sofa with his arm around my waist, his hair is ruffled and his eyes look up at me filled with sincere happiness but also that glint of mischief that never leaves his expression. I'm looking at him with the same happiness and I almost don't want to admit it because it feels too early to say it but love, unmistakably love is in my expression. When the camera flashes, I turn and look surprised but Sirius takes it in his stride and looks over grinning then we turn back to each other and start laughing. It is the best picture she's ever taken. "Keep it" She smiles and I hug her gratefully "You're coming to see us off right?" Jane asks as her and Emma take their trunks off their bed.

"Of course" I grin and follow them out looking at the room before I shut the door; it'll be weird staying here without them.

On the platform I see all the 7th years so I walk over, Jane and Em talk to me for a bit before boarding the train saying they want to get good seats. James and Sirius seem to be having a keen discussion; Remus is talking to Peter casually so I wander over to Lily and we have a small chat for a bit before she says goodbye.

"Bye Kate, i'll write to you and have a good time but keep out of trouble" Lily grins and pulls me into a hug before climbing onto the train. Remus and Peter wave before boarding then James and Sirius come up to me.

"Have a nice Christmas Kate, keep him in check...if you can" He looks at me and smiles before getting on the train, he then turns around "Stay safe" He winks and although his words are polite enough I sense an alternate meaning, so I looked at Sirius curiously but he just shrugged and began laughing, those two honestly. The train hoots and begins chugging away, me and Sirius wave frantically and James sticks his head out the window like a dog before Lily's hand pulls him back in. When it's gone we both just stare at the spot where it went out of sight for a while. Eventually we walk back up to the castle and Sirius says he has to get has wrapping done which is worrying because god knows what Sirius gives as presents but I agree and we go our separate ways. I think of things to do and conclude walking round the castle seems like the best idea.

As I walked I thought of so many things: Christmas presents which I still needed to get, muggle choir, Sirius, the Marauders, Lils, Jane, Emma, my family, Voldemort and the Death Eaters, NEWTs, revising for NEWTS, passing NEWTS, failing NEWTS, god I hate NEWTs...Henry. Not as in I was thinking of Henry but Henry had just walked into me as I walked along the corridor and broke my thought train.

"Henry" I said surprised, he looked at me in his superior manner and then grinned but it was forced and polished not like the easy, cheerful grin Sirius had "You're not going home for the holidays?" I say although obviously he's not because he's there in the castle.

"Obviously not, my mother and father thought staying here over the holidays would be more productive to my studies which is true, Christmas is such a distraction" Christmas is a distraction, what a doosh; I looked away trying to hide my laughter "So you and Sirius Black?" Not this again, I thought when you broke up with someone that meant you let things fade away and move on.

"Me and Sirius Black what?" I asked patiently but really I just wanted to run off the next time he looked away, I mean it wouldn't be that rude to do that right?

"You're together, are you not?" He asked leaning against the wall, you could almost feel the awkward.

"Well yes we are" I stated calmly not able to stop myself from grinning like a maniac, Henry looked at me looking frankly pissed off "And you...how's your love life?" I added conversationally, he looked at me intensely.

"I'm working on it" He said ominously and then said his goodbyes and strutted off down the corridor, doosh.

I carried on through the school and I saw a 7th year Gryffindor who was Lily's friend and we had a quick chat, I said hello to a few teachers, I saw some people from muggle choir who I had a chat with for a while. Then on my way back through the school I saw a 7th year Slytherin and Lily's old best friend Severus Snape. I remember when he'd called her a mudblood, nobody had ever said that to me fortunately but I understood the weight of the word and how much it hurt Lily. We locked stares for a moment and I could see something in his eyes that I'd never seen in anybody's eyes before and I had the urge to comfort him so on some crazy Gryffindor impulse I went over to him. If looks could kill came to mind, oh god why had I come over here, what was I going to say?

"Hello Severus" He just looked at me "Staying for the holidays then?" I said cheerfully, it was such a bad idea to come over here but hey it was Christmas.

"Obviously" He said stretching out the word in a hideously patronizing way "I hear Black has reduced you to a drooling, giggling school girl like his other followers" Well that was rude; I was trying to be festive.

"I think it's the hair personally" He uses shampoo, maybe you should try it. God, I'm hilarious.

"Well, good luck with that Winslow" He drawls and I nod awkwardly, he begins to walk away.

"Happy holidays!" I shout and he turns his head a fraction, nods curtly and then carries on striding down the hall. I feel a surge of sympathy for him and I walk away in the other direction towards the Gryffindor common room.

I sit on the sofa by the fire in the Gryffindor common room for ages thinking about my walk round the school until eventually I feel a pair of hands cover my eyes.

"Guess who?" A low voice asks rife with mischief and cheer, I could pick it out of a thousand strong crowd.

"As long as it's not that tosser Sirius Black" I chuckled and hear my favourite laugh, he removes his hands and jumps in front of me looking at me in mock anger.

"10 points from Gryffindor, Katherine Winslow" He grins and sprawls out next to me "You looked very deep in thought, be careful, don't want to injure yourself" He laughs and I throw a cushion at him "So what have you been up to?" Sirius smiles as he leans back. I had a brief inner battle about whether or not I should tell him about Henry and Snape and decide I should.

"I saw Henry on my travels" Sirius looks at me and raises an eyebrow "And I spoke to Snape" Sirius sits bolt upright at this, Snape is like enemy number one to James and Sirius. Hmm, maybe honesty isn't the best policy.

"Snivellus-spoke-to-you?" He asks his voice all strained from anger, Sirius isn't really known for his docile nature. I try to think how to calm him down.

"No, I spoke to him" I say although I know it will make no difference.

"And, did you have a nice cosy chat?"Sirius snaps but he's not angry, he is very irritable though. I consider backing away.

"I wished him a merry Christmas, is that not allowed?" I ask equally irritable now, he looks at me and then his expression softens slightly.

"I just don't get why you'd want to talk to Snivellus, you know him and his friends are planning on becoming death eaters right?" He asks looking at me curiously, I didn't know that. I had just walked up to someone who in a few months would follow Voldemort...good god.

"Really but he didn't say anything or do anything out of the normal" I say feeling quite lucky but I knew inside Snape wasn't going to call me anything or hurt me but it would be better to stay out of some of the 7th year Slytherins ways, the lines of divide were already being drawn.

"Just be careful?" Sirius said looking at me intensely, I nodded and he smiled softly before going back to his book. I needed to be more careful, I was a muggle-born, although me and most other people knew it made no difference things had changed, I was a target now.


	11. First Kiss

The next few days were a blur, a brilliant blur. Sirius and I spent most of our time together although we both went off to do our own things now and again. Like Christmas shopping, the things I wanted to get Sirius were not available from Hogsmeade so I had to send my mum the money and get her to post them but I got everyone else stuff, mostly sweets and small gifts from Hogsmeade. I saw Henry again a few times but we never talked although he would stare in a really weird way, I also saw Snape but he was constantly looking at the floor so he never noticed me. One evening I was eating my dinner with Lily's friend in the Great Hall one night, a few days before Christmas and everyone started to leave as the evening drew on, Lily's friend left and it was just me and a Hufflepuff 5th year sitting in the hall. Eventually I finished too and when I exited the hall, Sirius was leaning casually against the wall grinning.

"Good evening Miss. Winslow" Sirius said in a smooth voice, grinning widely.

"Good evening, Mr. Black" I grinned "You sound like a Cluedo character" He cocked his head to the side and I realised he knew nothing about Cluedo "There is so much I need to teach you" I smiled and he laughed heartily.

"There's so much I need to learn" He grins and grabs my hand, we wander round the lake for a while and I tell him about muggle board games and he asks why I'd bother with a game that didn't move, explode or at least do something exciting, clearly he's never played Monopoly. Night falls and we walk back to the castle, I really don't want this evening to end "Let's walk round the castle for a bit" Sirius grins, his eyes glinting with excitement.

"It's after hours though" I say like a real prude "It's breaking the rules" I then realise saying that is like adding fuel to the fire. I've never really broken many school rules, apart from being late for a few things, ok a lot of things. However Sirius on the other hand loves to break rules, I'm pretty sure it's his number one hobby actually.

"It's only breaking the rules if you get caught" I can't help but smile at his flawed logic; he takes my smile as agreement and begins tugging me up a staircase. It is technically the holidays so surely rules are kind of moot.

Sirius and I weave through the moving staircases and eventually get to a deserted corridor where there is nothing but some flaming candles. We stop by the stone wall out of breath, well in my case anyway and stare at each other. I look at him, really look at him, his grey eyes that smoulder and dance like smoke, his grin that could brighten up even the darkest day, his constant sex hair which makes me want to drool like Hagrid's dog, his low voice that always sounds like he's up to something, his laugh that is so ridiculously cheerful and full of life. Just him, Sirius Black.

"Like what you see?" He grins and I roll my eyes but laugh, he looks at me thoughtfully and then his eyes flicker upwards. I follow his line of sight to see a bunch of mistletoe above us; I stare at it not wanting to meet his gaze. I want to kiss him but I'm not ready...I'm never going to be ready though. Ahh, ok calm down. Just be a Gryffindor Kate, reckless bravery. I look back at him and he seems to read my expression like a book and within seconds I can feel his lips on mine and it feels crazy, brilliant, strange, magical, like all my emotions are coming together at once. I don't know how to feel or what to think, all I know is I want him, I twist my hands through his hair and he puts his hand against my lower back and moves so he's pressing me against the wall. I look up at him for a second and his eyes are on fire, I close my eyes again and feel my blood pounding in my head. Impulsively I wrap my legs around him and he lets out a primitive moan and we kiss more forcefully, overstepping any physical boundaries we'd had before. Eventually I move my lips slowly away from his mouth and untangle my legs, my heart is pounding violently in my chest and the corridor is spinning. Sirius eventually opens his eyes and his pupils are so dilated they're nearly black, we look at each other slightly dazed for a while before he grins widely at me.

"Merry Christmas Kate" He smiles and my heart beats erratically.

"Merry Christmas Sirius" I smile back and I mean it. I've never felt like this before and I just know he hasn't either.


	12. Christmas Day

On Christmas Eve, I was wrapping the last of my presents and Sirius was adding in his opinions on said presents. The fire was roasting as we sat in front of it and the atmosphere was crackling with excitement. I had brought Lily Oliver Twist because she really liked Charles Dickens and some Sugar Quills; Sirius looked at the book sceptically and passed it back to me. I had got Jane and Emma a variety of Honeydukes sweets that should in theory last until the Easter break but I doubt they'll make it to the end of January. I'd got Remus and Peter a box of Honeydukes fudge each and I'd got James that as well along with some a box of exploding snap cards. We talked for a while about presents each grilling the other about what we'd got the other, neither of us would tell despite many threats.

"I better take these to the Owlery, Colin is in for a long night" I get up and start collecting the presents when I notice Sirius laughing "What?" I asked affronted.

"Of all the things to call an owl...Colin" He laughs and takes half the presents from me, a walk ahead in a huff.

"Colin is a lovely name for an owl" I puff as we walk outside into the bitter cold.

"Or a middle aged man" Sirius adds laughing, we continue to the Owlery in silence apart from one time where I hear him chuckling. Eventually we get to the top and I whistle then Colin comes swooping down. I pet him and he gives me an affectionate peck back. I tell him who each present is for and he looks at me understandingly; I give him a couple of treats and he flies off into the night with the first two presents.

When we get back to the common room it's around 11 and I decide I should probably go to sleep, when I tell Sirius this he looks at me thoughtfully and I know he wants to say something.

"You're the only one in your dorm right?" Sirius says casually, my eyes widen in alarm "No!" He laughs holding his hands up in innocence and I relax; I know I'm blushing like crazy though. He grins widely at me "I just thought since there's nobody in either of our dorms we could sleep together" I raise an eyebrow and smile and he rolls his eyes "Mind out of the gutter Winslow" He commands but he's laughing too "Go to sleep together" He corrects. It would be nice to go to sleep and wake up with him there, more than nice actually.

"So, your place or mine?" I wink and he laughs and signals toward the girls dorms so I lead him up realising we're breaking another school rule, I wonder if he's already broken this one before but I as soon as I think it I try to push it away. Sirius has never had a girlfriend before, I mean he's had the whole school at his feet trying but he just never wanted one, until now. The thought makes me smile into the darkness. We get to my dorm and I flick on the light, my corner of the room is covered in school books and Honeydukes wrappers.

"Hmm I wonder which one is yours" He laughs as I put everything in my drawers of the bin. I take off my shoes and tie my hair up, Sirius takes him boots off and looks at me, my heart quickens and I feel like he can hear it "Night then" I say and flick the light off and get into my bed, a moment later I feel another body against mine under the covers "Sirius?" I try to say flatly but the smile is clear in my voice "You know there are two other beds?"

"Yes, but you're not in them" He says laughing, I briefly consider kicking him out but then realise I don't want to not one single part of me wants to.

"Night then" I say softly and link our hands, he says night back and I feel like it's going to take ages before I get to sleep but it doesn't and I fall asleep almost instantly.

"KATE!" A cheerful voice yells far too loud for, I glance at my watch, half 6 in the morning. I repeat, half 6. What is wrong with this person? I make an annoyed groaning yell that sounds like a dying sheep and put the pillow over my head. Then it comes to me, last night on Christmas Eve Sirius slept in my bed which makes that person Sirius and that day is Christmas day! I startle to life "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" He yells and pulls me up from the bed "Come downstairs!" He grins like a little kid and I grin back despite the early hour. I then catch sight of myself in the mirror, dear lord.

"Um give me five minutes?" I ask and he nods before sprinting out the room. I brush my hair and teeth, pull on a dressing gown and then get his card out and presents out of a draw. When I come downstairs he's sitting by two stacks of presents. I go and sit next to him and he looks at me excited. I scan through our piles, mine are from Lily, Jane, Emma, my sister Marie, my parents, James, Remus, Peter and there's one tucked at the bottom but I can't see the name. Sirius' pile is roughly the same except he has none from his family put lots from the Potters who are his real family I suppose. Lily has given me a leather planner I flick through it and a note saying 'Someone has to keep you organized xxx', she has given Sirius a few of Zonko's products including a duck on a bike and an inflatable tongue. Jane has given me a silver necklace with a K hanging on it and she's given Sirius some Liquorice snaps. Emma has given me a very pretty alarm clock which I put next to the planner, I think my friends are trying to send a message; she's given Sirius Choco-Loco which is like normal chocolate but it makes the consumer go hyper for a while, yeah Sirius really needs to be livened up. My sister Marie has given me a scarf-it's turquoise and very pretty so I wrap it round my neck and my parents have given me a white gold bracelet which goes very well the necklace Jane gave me. The Potter's have given Sirius many things including, a new blazer, a woollen hat and some Quidditch things. We move onto the Marauders presents: James has given Sirius a leather bracelet with a plaque on it that says 'Padfoot' with a paw print on it; I know his nickname is Padfoot but I'm not exactly sure why anyway he looks thrilled with it. James has given me some Honeydukes sweets and a fountain pen with a note attached saying _'To go with your planner, slacker x'_I pass it to Sirius and he laughs. Remus has given me a pack of ice mice, he's given Sirius a framed picture of the Marauders that looks very recent he's attached a note saying 'I know you can't go and get the old one back' which makes Sirius look a little moved so I ask him what it means. "I used to have a picture of the Marauders but I stuck it to my bedroom wall in my parents' house and I couldn't get it off and I had to leave it hence new picture" He looks at the frame and grins. Peter has given me acid pops and he's given Sirius a Zonko's product but I don't get a chance to see what it is. I look at the mountain of torn paper and notice the small present from earlier is unwrapped I pick it up and realise it says 'From Henry' on it, I quickly stuff it under the rug before Sirius sees. Why has he sent me a present! I don't want a present from him, I consider chucking it into the fire but that might be a little obvious and I should give it back to Henry, figure out what his problem is. I turn back to Sirius but he's not there, I look around confused but he comes from the boys dormitories holding a huge parcel "Happy Christmas" He grins and puts it down, I look at him and he urges me to open it which I quite happily do. It's an Astronomical model (a glass dome with moving planets and moons in) I look at it in awe, it's beautiful and hypnotic, not to mention crazily expensive "You like it?" He asks eventually grinning; I nodded enthusiastically as I move around it to get a better look. I also notice a quill has fallen on the floor, I pick it up and look at it curiously, he grabs my planner and puts the quill on it "What is the function of a Patronus?" Sirius says, the quill then writes a paragraph to answer his question "Thought it might help you actually do some work" He grins and passes me the auto answer quill. That boy is a genius. These are some of the best gifts I've ever received and now I have to give him his which aren't half as good. I pass him the present and he opens it, the first is a record of a band called The Eagles, it's a great album and I know he'll like it. He reads the cover and looks pleased and grins at me. The next present is a book called Tricks & Pranks, it's a muggle book and as he flicks through his eyes light up and I know he'll appreciate the novelty.

"Um this is a present but I haven't framed it like Remus has but anyway I hope you like it" I pass him the green envelope and he opens it slowly, the picture that Jane took of me and him falls out. He stares at like I did the first time I saw it, after a moment he looks up at me and he doesn't say anything. Sirius Black is speechless. Then out of nowhere, he kisses me because that is the only way he can express how much the picture means to him and I kiss him back, it's a very different type of kiss to the one we had a few days ago this one is softer and has more meaning in it after a moment he pulls away and smiles and I realise my present is more than good enough for him. After a while of talking and playing with his stuff from Zonko's he says he needs to talk to James and runs upstairs leaving me with The Package. I quickly pull it from under the rug and I'm so damn curious that I have to open it. I wish I hadn't. A yellow gold locket (I hate yellow gold) falls to the floor; it is engraved with an H, eugh...how vain and tacky and eugh. I hear footsteps and I shove it back under the rug.

"Merry Christmas Kate" He grins and kisses my forehead, I look up at him and smile.

"You too" I smile and forget about everything including the hideous locket.


	13. Enjoy The Fireworks

One evening I came back from a walk around the grounds like I always did when I wanted to think, when I came back Sirius was talking to James in this magic mirror he had, I had no idea how it worked but when it came to Sirius Black and James Potter nothing really surprised me. As I walked in Sirius hurriedly said goodbye to James and turned to me. Lily's friend from our year looked at us and then smiled before going up to the girls dorms, we were alone. Sirius got his wand out and flicked it toward the fire, it dimmed to a small flame, he then did the same to all the lamps around the room. He raised his eyebrows at me in an endearingly arrogant way and I rolled my eyes and he gently wacked my arm.

"I'm trying to be smooth and romantic here" He says in mock anger frowning at me, he looks just handsome angry as he does happy which is unusual.

"And you're doing brilliantly, please continue" I smile and his frown dissolves into a grin and he flicks his wand over to the record player in to corner of the room, nobody ever uses that, I'd forgotten it was there actually. The music starts up and I recognize it instantly 'Train Leaves Here This Morning' it's by The Eagles from the album I got him for Christmas. He links our hands and put his other hand a bit too far down, I raise my eyebrows and move it up which makes him laugh and I laugh along with him. He leads the slow, basic dance round the common room and he's a much better dancer than I'd expected, he's much better than I am, he turns and spins me along to the music and then we settle into a slow side to side movement and I put my head on his shoulder and just listen to the lyrics:

'_So, if you see me walking all alone  
Don't look back, I'm just on my way back home  
there's a train leaves here this morning, and  
I don't know, what I might be on'_

"It's New Years Eve tomorrow" I say surprised, shock at how much time as gone past. The holidays have turned into this brilliant, surreal blur and it's weird to think people will be back soon.

"Well done, I see Lily's planner has gone to good use" He grins "Do you like New Years?"

"Yeah...I mean they never have fireworks at Hogwarts which is annoying but yeah I like it" I smiled and he looks at me in that way he does when he's planning something "What?" I asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, let's go to bed" He smiles and begins walking up to my dorm. He falls asleep straight away but I stay up for a while thinking about what next year will bring and I decide I don't want this Henry thing hanging over my head next year so I decide to give the locket back tomorrow and make everything clear to Henry.

I wake up late to an empty bed, I look at my watch and it's 1 in the afternoon. I quickly get ready and pull the locket out from my draw shoving it hastily into a pocket, I stop for a moment to look at the astronomical model swirl around but then realise I should get to the task in hand. I run downstairs and bang straight into something and that something is Sirius.

"It's alive!" He yells in horror as he sees me and I grin but I can feel the locket in my pocket, ha that rhymed. I try to speed away but he holds my hand "Kate, you alright?" He asks frowning, I look around erratically, why do feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing the right thing? Jeez Kate calm down.

"Yeah, yeah, great, never better" Stop talking just go; I smile again and run out of the common room. Dear lord I couldn't have made him more suspicious if I'd tried. I feel like I should of told him about the locket but he'd of just got angry and it would of ruined the holidays, its better that I talk to Henry and explain that Sirius is my boyfriend...my boyfriend, I smile to myself. I turn a corner and see Flitwick, he asks me to come to his office. I agree and trudge along behind him; I am there for two hours, yes TWO hours talking about where we should go with Muggle music choir. Eventually we come up with some ideas and I lie that I'm revising for Charms, I really should revise for Charms then I laugh because that's never going to happen. By the time I'm out of the impromptu meeting I can't be bothered to go Henry hunting so I head back to the common room and met Sirius just as he comes out of the portrait hole.

"Hello, I have to go but meet me at the entrance hall at around 11" He yells as he runs off, I shout ok to him but I'm not sure he hears. Seems like we're both being mysterious today, I sit on the sofa by the fire staring into for a while because being bored is better than revising then Lily's friend from out year comes and chats to me for a while about NEWTs, she asks me what I want to do after school and I find that no words come out and I realised I have no set plans apart from I want to help take on the Death Eaters and Voldemort. I tell her this and she nods understandingly "That's really brave, I know exactly what you mean though, I think i'll do the same...it seems like the best thing to do" She smiles and asks me if I want to go eat dinner with her, I agree because I need to kill time and because she's very easy to talk too. Her name is Alice. After dinner it's around 7 and I spend the next few hours taking a shower, cleaning my room, hovering round and then by half 10 I'm so bored that I decide to go and wait for Sirius despite the fact i'll be waiting around for a bit. When I get to the entrance hall I see Henry about to walk down the corridor in the opposite direction towards Ravenclaw tower.

"HENRY!" I yell not wanting to miss my opportunity, he stops and smiles arrogantly at me. I want to vomit. "Henry we need to talk" I sigh, not wanting hurt his feelings but also wanting to make myself clear "You broke up with me and to be honest I'm glad you did because it wasn't working out and we're very different people now, I'm with Sirius, he's my boyfriend and I want it that way so giving me gifts is inappropriate" Wow he's not interrupting me with some pompous comment "So here" I pass him the locket and he takes it slowly "I am not with you nor do I want to be" I say clearly and he looks at me and shrugs. Ah, thank god, I'm out of the woods, me and Henry are done, finished...kissing, he's kissing me, OH MY GOD HE'S KISSING ME, STOP, STOP. I push him off and he looks at me smugly and then goes 'for old times' sake' before striding off down the corridor, I turn around confused and disgusted just in time to see a very familiar figure striding furiously away from me towards Gryffindor Tower. Fuck.

"Sirius!" I yell as I get into the common room, he's not there. I run up to his room and pound the door, he doesn't respond, I try to open it, it's locked. I get my wand out and say "Alohomora" in a panicked voice, it works and the door swings open. I run inside and Sirius is standing by his window, his body visibly shaking with anger "Sirius?" I say softly.

"Get out Katherine" He snarls, not turning to face me.

"Let me explain" I say gently feeling panicked what if he doesn't let me explain? No, this cannot be happening. I hate Henry, I hate him.

"GET OUT!" He yells and pounds his fist against the stone wall, my panic kicks up a notch.

"So that's it, it's over just like that I don't even get to tell you what happened or explain anything?" I say my voice empty and toneless, I feel like screaming 'he kissed me' and 'I didn't want it to happen' or 'I was telling him to leave me alone' but I don't because I know he won't listen.

"That's it" He says blankly, which is worse than the anger. I'm so shocked that I feel like I've been hexed or something.

"Right" Is all I can say and I feel numb, I walk out the room and on the way out I see the photo of us by his bed and it looks like different people, it feels like different people.

"Katherine?" He says roughly and I turn around but I know not to hope "Enjoy the fireworks" He says blankly and I look away not understanding what that means at all, I just want to get out of here so I run to my room faster than I have ever run before and when I get there I cry like I've never cried in my life, I'm not a big crier but tonight I'm practically a tap. Suddenly I'm snapped out of my reverie by a loud explosion. Panicked I run to the window and see the biggest, brightest firework display I've ever seen in my life and my stomach plummets as I realise Sirius did this, for me. It's at that moment I decide I have to fix this; I am not letting Henry bloody Johnson ruin my relationship with Sirius. I will fight for this, even if I don't win.


	14. Fight For Him

The next few days I don't see Sirius at all, it's like he has some magical method of avoiding me and knowing Sirius it wouldn't surprise me. After a while everybody returned from the Christmas holidays and somehow news that Sirius and I were no longer together spread like wildfire and the worst part was I hadn't spoken to him since New Year's Eve and that was a week ago by then. The group split up easily and quietly, Jane and Em stayed with me and Lily split her time between me and The Marauder. I woke up on the first day of term and realised my first lesson was Potions, with Sirius; he'd have to go because even he wouldn't miss the first day of term. I had told nobody how or why we broke up and Lily told me Sirius was doing the same, he hadn't even told James.

I walked it to Potions a couple of minutes late because I may have got a little bit distracted looking for my planner and auto answer quill, things that were suppose to keep me organized were making it even harder. As I walked in Sirius turned around and looked at me with no expression before turning back to his book, I realised my seat was still next to Henry and for what seemed like a second I just stared at the seat, I didn't want to sit next to him. He'd ruined everything, everything. Then a soft voice broke through my thoughts.

"Miss. Winslow, are you going to take a seat?" Professor Slughorn looked at me concernedly, I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I knew I couldn't stay in this classroom "Kate, are you quite alright?" Professor Slughorn asked in his usual bumbling manner.

"Can I go to the medical wing?" I say unsteadily. I cannot be in a room with my friends, the Marauders, Henry and Snape. Not today. Professor Slughorn nods and I wheel out the classroom and head towards the lake. When I get there I throw stones for what seems like moments but when I look at my watch I realise it's been an hour and it's time for History of Magic, relieved that nobody I know is in that class I run back up to the school.

By the end of the day I'm drained and pissed off with my life, I mean how can everything just go to crap in a matter of days. I wander back to the common room and I see the Marauders and Lily sitting on the sofas by the fireplace, Lil runs up to me and hugs me tightly which is hugely embarrassing but I hug her back.

"Kate, are you alright?" She asks wide eyed and I can tell she's genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, fine, never better" I lie weakly and I can feel my throat constricting and my eyes beginning to sting. I cannot cry, not here. Lily seems to be thinking the exact same thing and quickly pulls up the stairs to her dormitory.

"Tell me everything" She says softly but surely, I shake my head "I'm head girl, it's an order" She says and I realise I need to tell someone otherwise I'm going to explode. I tell her how great the holidays were, the kiss, the sleepovers, the gifts and then the whole locket incident and New Year's Eve. She manages to hear it all even though I'm crying through half of it. Lils lets me collect myself before she speaks "He cannot break up with you for that, he didn't let you explain and if he'd known the real story then he would of been angry at Henry not you, Kate I promise, I will get him to listen to you" I look at her doubtfully "Trust me" She says and I thank her and head back to my dormitory where I bury myself under a mountain of Honeydukes' sweets. I know I'm wallowing and it's pathetic but after a break up you need to wallow for a bit and when you break up with someone like Sirius Black you need to wallow for a bit longer.

I look at the clock, it's Wednesday and I have a half an hour before DADA starts where I will spent a lovely uncomfortable hour sitting next to James with Sirius a couple of rows behind. Oh joy. I do my usual routine of hurriedly getting ready and slathering on hair potion, a little too much because my hair is poker straight and hanging like a dark curtain around my pale face, attractive. I tie it up in a pony and hurry down to eat breakfast; Jane and Em are already there and they smile at me as I walk in. I told them about the break up soon after I told Lily and they agreed that he had no right to break up with me without hearing me out, if only he felt the same. I finish my cereal and run to DADA. I get there on time and James is already there so is Sirius but I don't look at him, I sit next to James and I can actually feel the awkwardness already. I slide into my seat and pull out my books and my auto answer quill. Half way through the lesson, the professor asks us to define the stunning spell and its counter curse and even though I know it I really cannot be bothered to write it all.

"Define the stunning spell and its counter curse" I order the quill and it does it straight away, fortunately the professor is at his desk and not looking at the class at all. I look around and startle when I notice James Potter looking at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Sirius really has rubbed off on you hasn't he?" He said curiously, I looked at him kind of stunned. He was talking to me about Sirius and he wasn't even uncomfortable.

"What do you mean?" I ask my voice level not giving away my unease. For some reason I decided to risk a look at Sirius, I turn around and wish I hadn't because he is looking straight at me and James. I turn back to James slightly mortified.

"I mean you're a rule breaker, you are blatantly cheating in a class at NEWT level with a teacher in the room" He looks at me proudly and I realise how much I miss hanging out with James...and Remus, even Peter actually. I smile and go back to my thoughts letting the quill carry on "You miss him don't you?" He says and I look at him with a 'are we really going to have this conversation?' expression and he looks at with a 'yes we really are' expression.

"More than you can imagine" I sigh and I resist the urge to turn and look at Sirius, I try to peek without moving my head or body. It doesn't work, I just go cross eyed.

"Work it out" He says simply, I look at him sceptically.

"It's not that easy" I say, Sirius avoids me like the plague and when I see him I just freak out inside and don't know how to go about it.

"It really is, you miss him, he's misses you-" Woah, hold on a second.

"He misses me?" I ask hesitantly, feeling a flicker of hope.

"Of course he does, what he felt that doesn't just disappear, Sirius values loyalty really highly hence why he was so angry about the Henry incident" I look at him about to interrupt and ask how he knows about it "Lily told me because she's worried about you two anyway when he gets attached to someone he stays attached, he still feels the same about you, he'd never admit it though because he feels betrayed but what I am trying to say Kate is you need to tell Sirius what happened, you need to fight for him because you two are miserable without each other" James finishes his speech and it's actually quite motivating. I consider what he's said and he's right, I care so much for Sirius and I know he felt the same.

"Fight for him?" I say meeting James' eyes, I feel determined and purposeful for the first time since me and Sirius split.

"Fight for him" He replies equally determined.


	15. Because I Love You

That evening I go into the common room just as Sirius and James are mid argument, they both look at me and Sirius glowers. James mouths the words 'fight for it' to me and I take a deep breath and get myself into the Gryffindor mindset. I stride up to where they are all sitting and there is a moment of silence as everyone tries to decide what to do but Sirius doesn't walk off like he normally does when I appear. Lily looks at me and I realise her and James have probably been trying their hardest to get Sirius to talk to me and I feel very thankful but it is soon replaced my panic at the current situation, I have no idea what to say.

"Hi" I say slowly, not meeting Sirius' eyes. I can literally feel the eyes of everyone in the common room on us; I suppress the urge to shout 'Bugger off!' at them all. Then like he's read my mind or maybe just observed the same thing James shouts "Clear off you nosy sods, this is going to be awkward as hell without all you watching" Not exactly how I would of said it but it does the trick, everybody goes back to their own pastimes and conversations. Lily and The Marauders excluding Sirius go to a different area of the common room "I think we need to talk" I saw with a little more confidence.

"Ok, what shall we talk about, how I trusted you and you betrayed me with Johnson" He says sarcastically.

"Exactly that actually" I smile trying to make him laugh but he just looks at me unfazed, but I think I see a twitch of a smile. I sit on the sofa and ask him to do the same, he continues to stand like a stubborn child "I know you spend most of your time being an immature prat but can you please just sit down!" I hiss and I see it before he can suppress it, he smiled granted it lasted about a second but he smiled and he sits on the arm of the sofa. I try to think how to word it, I've wanted to explain myself for so long but I never actually thought how to explain it all so I just sit in silence while by brains tries to work.

"Great talk" Sirius comments raising his eyebrow, I can't help but laugh and I decided to just start from the very beginning, _a very good place to start_ as Maria would say in Sound of Music. Why am I thinking of Sound of Music? God Kate focus, it's at that moment I notice Sirius getting up to walk off.

"Sirius" I say strongly, I admit I haven't really explained anything yet but I was going to. He can't just walk off.

"What?" He says half snappishly but half defeated which is a really weird combination. Somewhere in my brain I realise this is about to become a scene but I don't care because this has been going on for far too long and I need to fix it.

"We have to talk!" I say my voice sounding more forceful than I ever knew it could and it's a little too loud, Sirius' eyes ignite and he looks kind of animalistic.

"WHY!" He explodes and I can feel the eyes of the common room return to us but I'm too frustrated to care.

"Because I love you!" And then I realise what I've said. I mean I knew it but I had never said it and Sirius definitely hadn't. The common room falls silent: James is looking at us with wide eyes, Lily is clearly restraining herself from saying 'Aww' and Remus who was eating chocolate has stopped mid bite. I'm waiting nervously and I feel every second tick by, eventually Sirius gently grabs my wrist and pulls me out of the portrait hole and out of the common room into the empty corridor.

"Did you mean that, what you just said?" Sirius asks looking at me intensely. I look around the corridor like the old stone is much more interesting than the unbearably handsome guy in front of me.

"I meant it" I say softly and meet his gaze and I realise how much I've missed him more than I ever thought I could miss someone.

"Then explain" He sighs "All of it" We sit on one of the stone benches and I explain everything, from Christmas Day to New Years Eve. I recall every single detail my mind can think of because I want him to understand I did not want to be kissed by Henry. I explain there is nothing going, not now, not then, not ever. After I finish I look at Sirius for his reaction and then he looks at me and I can see that glint in his eyes that he gets when he's feeling particularly happy or mischievous. Yes! I internally fist pump the air.

"So are we good?" I say and Sirius grins, I think James was right I don't think Sirius ever stopped having feelings for me he just thought I'd betrayed him so he tried to push them away.

"We're good" He grins and gets up, he offers me his hand and pulls me up "So you love me huh?" He jokes and I give him a withering look "Get in the queue" He laughs and I shove him so hard that he stumbles.

"Not really one for modesty are you?" I smile so incredibly thankful that this rift is over; I'm not sure how much longer I could have taken it or any of our friends for that matter "Shall we go back in then?" I say and beginning walking back to the portrait hole but Sirius holds my hand and stops me for a second. I look at him and he pulls me into him by my waist.

"I love you too" He whispers and looks at me earnestly, I smile joyfully at him and he pulls me towards the portrait hole. I don't think I've ever felt so many emotions in one day.


	16. I Can Handle It

Things go back to how they were almost instantly, the school finds out me and Sirius are back together within a day of it happening. Who spreads this stuff so quickly? Anyway everything in my life was going fine but then one afternoon things started to change. I had a free period one afternoon and I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard reading a Charms textbook well flicking through really when I heard a female voice say quite clearly "Mudblood" and then a few other people laugh. My insides turned to ice and I froze, I knew it would only be a matter of time before somebody picked up on my heritage but it was still horrific to actually hear the word being said to me. I continued to read my book and try to ignore them "It's rude to ignore your superiors mudblood" A male voice this time, the ice inside me turned to absolute fire. I looked up to see who was abusing me and it was a group of Slytherins: Gibbon, Jugson, Rabastan Lestrange, Rowle and one girl called Selena Grey. She was best friends with Bellatrix Black but thankfully Bellatrix had already graduated, she was one of the Death Eater relatives Sirius told me about. "Aren't you going to speak, mudblood?" Grey laughed and I felt like I was on fire inside. I tried to think to myself _don't react, it's what they want_ but that wasn't going to work out for much longer. "Or are you just going to go and cry to your blood traitor boyfriend?" That did it. I could barely hear their laughs over my pounding heart and angry black flecks clouded my vision. Impulsively I whipped out my wand and pointed it directly at Grey's chest.

"Don't say a word against Sirius to me" I snarled, I'd never heard my voice sound like that before. The bell rung signalling break time and naturally they didn't want to be caught calling people blood traitors and mudbloods so they dispersed but by the way they looked at me I could tell this was just the beginning.

"Kate" I felt a hand shaking my knee, when I looked up all my friends were staring at me. We'd been studying in the common room and I'd gone into a replay of the Slytherin incident that afternoon "Kate, what's wrong you haven't spoken at all" Jane said and everyone was looking at me with concern including Sirius who was frowning, if Sirius was worrying then it must be bad. On the one hand I wanted to handle this alone but on the other hand my friends would want us to be in this together, they'd want to know.

"Kate?" Lily pushed, looking at me with a 'you can trust us' expression and I knew I could but I knew it would cause a huge feud, as if Sirius and James needed another reason to hate Slytherins.

"I just got in a small argument...with some Slytherins" That was telling the truth, yeah I was downplaying it a lot but it was still the truth.

"Slytherins...plural" Sirius says slowly, his voice way too tight and controlled. Here we go.

"Well yeah there were a few" I say trying to not look at the group and look really absorbed in a DADA essay, it doesn't work.

"How many is a few Kate?" Emma says firmly but I don't meet her eyes. Maybe it was a bad idea to tell them.

"Five" I say and I look up, their all looking at me with various different expressions.

"But it was just a small argument right?" Lily clarifies; I can't lie to save my life so I just don't reply "Right?" She repeats, they're already worried and angry so I decide to tell truth, all of it.

"I may of drawn my wand" They all start talking rapidly at this point, inter-house co-operation is not on the menu tonight "I didn't duel them or anything!" I say trying to pacify them.

"Kate, what exactly happened?" Sirius gets up and sits on the sofa next me "I mean it would have to be more than a small disagreement to get _you_ to draw your wand" I don't actively court confrontation but nor do I avoid it, Sirius knows me too well though and he knows it would take a lot to get me to draw my wand.

"It was a free period and I was looking through my charms textbook, when some Slytherins: Gibbon, Jugson, Rabastan Lestrange, Rowle and Selena Grey to be exact came into the courtyard" I sighed and continued "Grey shouted at me" I say, not wanting to say the word partly because I can't bear to hear it even from my own lips and I'm sure nobody else wants to hear it either.

"What exactly did she shout?" Sirius says his voice constricted, he's going to spontaneously combust in a minute I swear.

"She called me a mudblood" I say softly and Lily, Jane, Emma and Peter gasp. James, Sirius and to my surprise Remus all give each other this look that shows that they're all on the same wavelength like a band of brothers.

"And then?" James prompts and I can see civility has gone out the window.

"I ignored her and carried on reading my book, then one of the boys I think it was Gibbon said 'It's rude to ignore your superiors mudblood'" At this point Sirius clenches his fists so hard that his knuckles go white as paper, I touch his hand and he looks at me his eyes blazing but after a second he seems to calm down slightly "I carried on ignoring them, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction but I was furious, absolutely furious and then Grey said 'Aren't you going to speak, mudblood?' and I could feel myself about to snap and then she said 'Or are you just going to go and cry to your blood traitor boyfriend?' and that did it, I just felt manic and I know this is strange but I wanted to duel her, I got my wand out and pointed it at her chest and I said 'Don't say a word against Sirius to me'" At this point Jane and Emma looked at me with admiration and a comforting smile, the others all looked astounded and Sirius looked at me angrily. He looked angry with me, what the hell had I done? "Um then the bell rang and they scattered" I finished lamely and I couldn't take my eyes of Sirius, why was he angry with _me_ for god sake?

"Kate, you have to report this" Lily said looking at me with wide eyes.

"No" I said simply "It won't help Lils anyway I can handle it" I say and shut my book; I think I'm done with homework for tonight. I'm not reporting this because I'm not worried about it, I'm not scared of them and it seems pretty insignificant in the grand scale of things.

"Can you?" Sirius says heatedly. Does he think I can't handle it, I know I'm not one for essays and books but I can do the practical stuff just as well as everyone else.

"You think I can't?" I hiss, why are we arguing about this? We're on the same side here for crying out loud.

"What are you going to do Kate shout bloody historical facts at them?" He snaps and I look at him absolutely stunned.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence" I snap back, collecting my books and leaving the common room.


	17. They're After You

"I think i'll get her another book, she likes books, who doesn't like books though really anyway what are you getting her?" I ask at the end of DADA. I've been prattling on about Lily's birthday because I know James wants to ask about yesterday with the Slytherins.

"Not sure yet but I'll try and make it special but anyway Kate about yesterday, I know you said you can handle it but...if you can't then please let me know, I won't report it because I agree it won't help but me and Sirius could sort it" He says as he packs his bag "We're all worried, Sirius especially" I know in my heart Sirius said that stuff about me not being able to handle this because he's freaked out about it but really he needn't be.

"James, I can handle it...I know I'm not the top of the class but I can actually cast spells you know" I smile sarcastically, packing away my things and he smiles at me and nods and we leave the class.

January passes quite quickly, I don't see the Slytherin gang for a while and I actually start to forget about it. Sirius seems to of forgotten too and he seems extremely happy and I feel the same, mostly because of him. Nothing significant happens, life moves at an easy pace with no obstacles even in Potions I don't have to sit next to Henry anymore. I've been moved next to Snape which is an improvement I suppose; he never speaks which is actually a good thing. But one day in early February as I'm running to go to Charms, running late as usual, I am knocked over and left sprawled on the floor. My hands sting and I look at them and notice they're cut...great. I quickly get up and dust of my robes to see Grey and Rowle standing at the end of the corridor looking at me challengingly and I notice Grey holding her wand, she's just cast the knockback jinx on me. Rowle and her laugh derisively and begin to walk off; furiously I get my wand out and cast the same jinx as they walk away. They collapse onto the floor and I walk away to charms feeling kind of awesome although I may have just started something that could become potentially problematic.

"What happened to your hands?" Remus who is sitting on the sofa next to me says softly but with clear concern in his tone, it's just me and the Marauders tonight because Jane, Em and Lily wanted to go to library for some reason. The others all then proceed to look at my cut palms before I can shove them in my robes.

"The floor, that's what happened" I smile and pick at a thread on the sofa.

"How'd did you end up on the floor?" Peter says in his usual mild manner, I'd be mad at him for pointing him out but I knew one of them would ask.

"A knockback jinx" I say slowly, I can see them change from relaxed to defensive in a second.

"Was it the Slytherins?" Remus says calmly because Sirius and James seem too mad to be capable of coherent speech.

"Rowle and Grey but don't worry they got a taste of their own medicine" I smile but nobody looks happy at this revelation, in fact it makes them more tense.

"You cast a knockback jinx on Rowle and Grey?" James asks but he doesn't sound impressed just worried. I notice Sirius hasn't spoken yet.

"Yeah" I say. I realise they're thinking the same thing as me, that I've started something which can't be undone "Look if they're going to start something then I want them to know that I'm not taking it lying down...I'm not weak" I say frustrated.

"Kate, we know you're not weak but they're five Slytherins that really don't like you...that's a lot for anyone to handle" James says frowning, what would he propose exactly because whatever this is it's not easy to fix.

"So what's the solution, you all join in and we all start duelling in the corridors?" I say sarcastically, Sirius rolls his eyes but really what do they think they can do to help? "You can't help me otherwise this is all going to turn into a huge feud which only ends when someone gets expelled"

"They've had loads of opportunities to expel us" Sirius finally pipes up "We'll help you" He says in a matter of fact way.

"No, absolutely not!" I reply and I'm not being stubborn, I'm just not letting them get in trouble because of me "If they say or do anything to you then by all means duel them to your hearts content but don't do anything unprovoked, I swear I can handle it" They look at me as if trying to see if I'm hiding anything but I'm not. Sirius nods slowly and the rest seem to listen to him because they all seem to settle.

"If anything happens-" Sirius begins but I cut him off.

"Then you can hex them to hell and back" I smile and Sirius grins but when he looks at me and I can tell he's still concerned. He shouldn't be; I mean how far are the Slytherins really going to take this?

Too far, the next couple of weeks there were incidents with the Slytherins, they would try to hex me whenever possible and it started to get a little vicious. The worst incident was probably when Lestrange set my robes alight granted I managed to stop it quickly but it was still awful. I did hex them back but the Marauders were right, I couldn't handle this alone. The only issue was that with it being the middle of February everybody was in the middle of NEWT mania and I really didn't want to shove this on my friends and Sirius as well as everything else. But it was getting to me and I could just feel something awful around the corner. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I was scared.

"Kate?" Sirius said one night as I lay on his lap, it was in those moments that I felt truly happy and safe. Like nobody could touch me when I was with him "You're so quiet lately" He sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"You're not" I grin and he chuckles, I should tell him about the Slytherins and I know that but I just can't bring myself to do that not at the moment anyway "It's Valentine's Day today" I say absently as I run my finger round his upturned palm. We'd already decided that neither of us wanted to celebrate it, it's just an excuse for companies to sell more cards, I am the Valentine's equivalent of Scrooge.

"Do you want to make a late night trip to Puddifoots?" He grins and I make a gagging noise. It's so easy to be happy with him and right now he's the only thing that can make me happy.

The next day I'm in Potions first thing and the weirdness starts early today because a minute after I've sat down Snape starts speaking to me. The gang of Slytherins are also Snape's closest friends but Snape's never with them when they hex me and I just know he'd never do what they do to me but still he's friends with those sorts of people, the Death Eaters of the future and that makes me dislike him, as well as the fact he called Lily a mudblood.

"Winslow" Snape looks at me with urgency "Those Slytherins that have an issue with you" He begins I notice he doesn't include himself in this.

"Yes?" I say wondering why he's bringing this up.

"They're after you" Jeez like I didn't already know "Really after you (!)" He clarifies like he's just read my mind. If Severus Snape is warning me about it then it must be beyond bad, bugger.

"How badly are they 'after me'?" I say and my voice has gone up an octave in panic.

"I am not exactly sure myself but I would advise you to be prepared Winslow" He says in a quiet voice. How the hell can I be prepared when I don't even know what I have to _be_ prepared for! Bugger, bugger, bugger. I look at Snape with a grateful expression, even if he is one of _them_ and even though he called Lily a mudblood he has still just given me a heads up and I'm very grateful for it.

"Thank you Snape" I say frowning, I discreetly pat my robes for my wand and it's a huge comfort to know it's there because I have a feeling I'm going to need it very soon.

It's around 6 in the evening and it's fairly dusky outside, I've been doing muggle music choir and although it was good I can still feel the weight of Snape's warning looming over me. I say goodbye to the other kids and Flitwick but halfway back to Gryffindor tower I realise I can't go back to the common right now, I've been hiding how out of hand it's gotten with the Slytherins and I think if I go back then i'll tell everybody and I don't want to do that and drag all them into this, even if they want to be dragged. Instead I decided to do what I always do and go for a walk in the grounds, it always helps my clear my head and I definitely need that tonight.

My plan is to walk towards the lake and just skim stones like I normally do when I need to vent and I'm halfway there when I hear several footsteps crunching on the grass a few yards behind me and I know who they are without even needing to turn around. Fuck. I'd had Snape's warning in my head all day but I didn't think twice about walking round the grounds alone, it had been safe for seven years after all. I get my wand from my robes and grasp it, I can feel it sort of unite with me like it's telling me it's ready and I really hope it is. I stop and turn to face them, there are 3 of them-Gibbon and Jugson are absent. It's Rabastan Lestrange, Grey and Rowle.

"Not going to run mudblood?" Lestrange snarls and I'm not scared of them, they're pathetic and cruel. Whatever they're going to do, I decide to do the best I can manage in return.

"Not from you" I reply bluntly, a moment of silence passes and I wait for them to fire a curse. Rowle does it first and I block it, then another which I block, I fire one at him which he blocks and we go in that pattern for a while before I flick my wand and my spell hits him and he staggers backwards and falls onto the ground, he looks at me furiously and stumbles back to his feet. Suddenly Grey is cursing me left, right and centre and I frantically try to block them and cast my own spells. Out of the corner of my eye I see Rabastan raise his wand and I stop duelling Grey just in time to disarm him, his wand rolls into the dewy grass. Grey now looks positively psychotic and we duel, there are hits and misses all over the place. My face is cut; I've been knocked back more times than I can count, every part of me is aching physically especially my side. Three against one isn't easy; Lestrange (who has recovered his wand) and Rowle are back on form unfortunately for me. Grey then raises an eyebrow at me and then smiles sadistically.

"I think it's time things...warmed up, don't you Winslow?" She says and suddenly a jet of fire bursts from her wand, I turn to run the opposite way to it but it's surrounded me completely. It hisses and flares like its alive and I know it's no fire-making charm, this is dark magic and I try every charm I can think of it to extinguish it or move. It's unbearably hot and I can feel the sweat pouring from me and my skin prickle painfully. Then a brainwave comes to me, _Aqua Eructo_, my wands responds by firing water out but instead of aiming it at the fire I surround myself in it, a whirlpool of water swishing around me and I walk through the fire. Instantly I summon the water to surround the Slytherins and it swirls around them a meter or so above the ground, they flail about and eventually I drop my wand and the water drops and they thud to the ground. I'm exhausted and I can see my vision going hazy, Grey looks at me and swishes her wand towards my leg and before I know what's happened I fall to the ground. They laugh but it lacks conviction, they look at me like dirt and I can make out their shapes walking back towards the castle. I look at my leg and it's been sliced open, I want to vomit, I want to fall to sleep, I want to run after them and make them pay but most of all I just want Sirius. And that's the last thing I think of before I collapse onto the wet ground.


	18. Took Your Time

"Sirius" Remus' tone is full of tension and it catches the Marauders attention instantly because Remus rarely sounds like that. Sirius looks up from his bed where he and James are playing exploding snap and notices Remus staring at the map "Kate's out in the grounds" Remus says his tone getting more and more concerned.

"Yeah, she goes on walks when she needs to clear her head" Sirius smiles and looks back to his snap game as does James. Peter is asleep even though it's only half 7.

"No, she's not moving, she's just stopped" Remus says not taking his eyes off the map. Sirius and James share a look and they both know what the other is thinking; they get up and go over to Remus' bed.

"Where are the Slytherins?" Sirius asks quickly, frantically searching the map.

"They're...walking back to the castle" Remus says slowly pointing at the deep red footprints moving quickly towards the school. Sirius pulls on his shoes as quickly as possible and the others do the same. James shakes Peter awake.

"Peter" James shoves the map into his hand "Go find Lily, Emma and Jane when you do look for us on the map and come and find us when we're back in the school" Peter looked at the three other boys in bewilderment "Can you do that?" James says hurriedly and Peter nods, as soon as he does the three other guys run out the dormitory and into the night.

In the darkness I can see nothing, feel nothing but I can still slightly hear. The sound of the wind rustling through the trees and the owls hooting in them, then I hear something else. I hear a set of possibly 3 footsteps and even though I can't really think why I feel uneasy. They get closer and eventually someone speaks.

'_Kate, no...SIRIUS!' _ The first boy sounds terrified and slightly disgusted.

'_What, Prongs?' _A second voice that I recognize so well but can't quite place yells and his footsteps get closer '_No, no...NO! I'll kill them, i'll kill them!' _He yells like he's in pain.

'_Sirius, calm down, we need to get her to the hospital wing' _This is a third voice, he's horrified but he's calmer than the other two, rational at least. I hear his footsteps get closer and I feel myself being lifted off the ground.

'_Give her to me!' _The second boy snaps and I feel my weight shift and I blank out and I don't hear anything else for a while.

It feels like I'm halfway between being asleep and awake, it's strange. My mind has flicked between images of the attack and of Sirius, I don't know how long it's been since I last saw his face but I know I miss it. Whilst I was unconscious I swore I heard his voice singing but I could easily have been imaging it. I can feel my senses coming back: I can feel crisp linen around me and dull throbbing in my leg and side, hear voices talking in conversational but sombre tones, I can smell flowers and sweets near me and my mouth tastes bland and horribly dry. Then I can see my eyes flicker open and the world swirls and shifts in front of me, it's bright, horribly bright. Then the light adjusts and I see a group of faces looking at each other not noticing I've woken up.

"Seer-ee-us" I mumble and the group of people look at me.

"Did she just..." Sirius trails off. My vision gets clearer and clearer so I can actually distinguish people.

"Sirius" I mutter again, my voice barely audible because I've got such a dry throat. I feel an incredibly warm hand encase my own. I look at him and I can see his face really clearly now and I smile like I've never smiled before and he does the same, he looks so incredibly happy that I've woken up which makes me feel infinitely better.

"Took your time" He grins in his usual manner but he sighs in a relived way at the end and I realise how hard this must of been for him, if the situation was reversed I'd of been in hell. Me and Sirius look at each for a while and exchanged what we couldn't exchange in words.

"Are we all wearing invisibility cloaks or something?" James says loudly to Remus although I know it's directed to me and Sirius. I turn to him and grin.

"No, sorry, how have you been James?" I laugh and James smiles. Jane, Em and Lily are there but they look very emotional like teary emotional so I decide I shouldn't talk to them just yet. Peter is also there at the end of the bed tagging along with James and Remus.

"Worried and angry that's how I've been" James says smiling slightly "We've all been freaking out, one more than the rest of us" James gives Sirius a certain look but Sirius continues to look straight at me, I wonder what's been going on since...however long ago it was that I collapsed.

"So how long have I been out?" I say and reach out for the decanter of water on the side and pour myself a glass, it's hard to get to around all the sweets, apparently free candy is one of the perks of being knocked out by Slytherins.

"8 days" Jane says gently and like one of those lame comedy sketches I spit my water out, eight days. That's a long time to be unconscious; I see why they were freaking out "You were really badly injured even Pomfrey wasn't sure that you'd-"

"Jane!" Lily scorned and Jane look embarrassed, I smiled at her reassuringly, Lily didn't need to protect me for a moment I thought that my number was up.

"So how bad is really bad?" I say slowly, I mean my body throbbed but it felt like numbed pain so I couldn't really tell what damage had been done, I remember my leg being sliced open. Eugh, definitely too soon to think about that.

"Just a scratch or two" Sirius smiled from side of the bed, he was sitting on an armchair, with his robes thrown over the side and...a pillow? Had he been sleeping here?

"Slight hairline fracture in the skull, two broken ribs, severe bruising oh and a severed leg muscle" Emma piped up looking at me like I was a hero; I'd been attacked by the school weirdos hardly deserves a medal.

"Just a scratch?" I smile to Sirius and he winks, he looks great when he winks, ok he looks great pretty much all the time. I'm really curious about my leg, severed leg muscle...I pull back the sheets and pull up my left pyjama leg and there is a angry red line running from my ankle all the way up my calf to my knee "Wow, that is quite a scar" I say and everybody looks at it, it's pretty disgusting.

"Scars make you look badass, right Mooney?" James grins and Remus smiles.

"Oh yeah definitely" He says cheerfully, I look the three scars across Remus' face but they don't affect how handsome he is. I wish we didn't all have to cram around this small bed. I want to go back to the common room and just get out of here. I get up to tell Pomfrey but as I do I sway dangerously and Sirius jumps up and steadies me, I sit down on the edge of the bed.

"What are you doing?" He says unsurely.

"Going to get Pomfrey" I reply, they all look at me concernedly "To get out of here" I clarify and they relax.

"Sure, but we'll go get her" Sirius smiles and looks at the Marauders they wave and follow after him leaving me with the girls. Time to get emotional.

"I've been so worried about you, me and Em we've cried pretty much every night" Jane says and Emma nods, I feel bad but that's also really sweet "I can't wait to have you back in the room" Jane sighs and hugs me tentatively avoiding the broken ribs. Then Em starts to cry, Lily puts her arm around her but then Lily starts to cry too. Jane who's sitting on the edge of the bed now has a tear falling down her cheek and then I feel my own tears spill over and it's not because we're girls or because I've finally woken up although that it is a part of it, it's because we're all tired, stressed, worried, confused and most of all finally facing up to the reality that this is real and it's happening right now. We're not like full of sobbing, just gentle tears but when they Marauders get back they look stunned and confused.

"If you were that sad about us leaving we would have stayed" Sirius smiles and sits on the edge of the bed, he holds my hand and grins "Pomfrey is coming to see you in a minute" He wipes my tears with his thumb and I give him a soft smile, true to word Pomfrey comes along a minute later. After what feels like a full on interview she finally gives me the go ahead to sleep in Gryffindor Tower but I don't have to go every class tomorrow if I don't feel like it (Score!) and Dumbledore wants to see me. She gives me some ominous golden liquid that is supposed to ease the pain and I have to walk with a cane, yes, really. It's because I'm having lots of trouble supporting my own weight. So we all walk back to Gryffindor Tower as a group, the way it should be.


	19. Dumbledore's Office

I wake up the next morning at 5 o' clock because my leg and side are killing me, I take a capful of the gold liquid off the side and lie but down but I cannot sleep. I think about where those Slytherins are now, are they still swanning about the castle, what if they have started on someone else? I wish I could see Dumbledore earlier, I just cannot sleep. I gently get out of bed and grab my cane, how ridiculous does that sound? Anyway I struggle downstairs toward the common room, eventually I get there and I ease myself onto the sofa. It's easier to be relaxed down there, with the fire glowing slightly; I put some cushions under my leg and drift off to sleep.

"Kate" A low and soft voice says, I open my eyes to see Sirius smiling at me. I grin happily when I see his face "Are you alright?" He brushes hair out of my eyes and I smile and look around, people have started going to class and the common room is quite busy, I struggle to sit and Sirius puts his hand on my back and helps me sit straight.

"This is what I'm like with my gran" I laugh and Sirius chuckles, he passes me my cane and I take it and we both laugh at the ridiculousness of it. I gently hit him with it and get to my feet.

"So how is the cripple today?" He laughs and straightens his tie.

"Very well" I smile and think about how glad I am he's happy again, I need to talk to him about what I missed.

"I assume you're not going to first lesson?" He laughs and leans against the sofa.

"Cripple privileges" I smile and shrug, he hmms amusedly, he leans in and kisses me and I can sense the relief and joy in it, hmm I could wake up to this more often.

"Another cripple privilege" He laughs and walks out the common room to his first class.

I decide to go to my last two lessons, I've been spend my day trying to figure out 101 things to do with a cane but at around twelve it stalled so I've decided class would be fun, well more fun than sitting on my own in the common room. I walked in to Potions a few minutes late and everybody stared and started whispering to each other, they were doing that horribly look you up and down thing. Sirius got up but I waved my hand dismissively and he smiled and sat back down, my friends all smiled reassuringly at me.

"Kate, wonderful to see you, wonderful" Slughorn babbled and I smiled thankfully and walked towards my seat next to Snape, the noise of my cane reverberating round the room. I listened to Slughorn but after a while everybody had started work and was chatting to each other.

"So you're feeling better then?" Snape said expressionlessly but he looked kind of...guilty?

"No I'm still in the hospital wing" I chuckle but then I remember, it's Snape. He looks at me blankly then at my cane. "The cane's pretty cool, right?" I grin and he looks at me uncomfortably.

"I did hear about your leg, the cane is temporary I'm assuming?" He says and I nod in agreement.

"Yeah, my leg was just severed by a flick of a wand; I've never seen or heard of a spell like it" I say seriously, thinking about the night.

"Sectumsempra" Snape mutters, I look at him curiously.

"Is that the spell?" I say, of course he knows it, they're some of his best friends and they all know everything about the dark arts.

"Yes" He says and continues to write, he seems relatively unfazed that his friends are sadistic attackers.

"What's going to happen to your lovely friends then?" I say sarcastically but I know Snape wasn't involved so I'm not going to take it out on him.

"I suppose that is up to you" He says as he scrawls his notes out. And I suppose it is.

That evening I'm sitting in The Marauders dorm, James was writing a paper, Remus and Peter had gone to the library, I was on Sirius' bed and I noticed he'd taken the picture of us down. I stare at the empty spot on the wall, Sirius turns and looks at it and turns back to me. He opens his robes and pulls out a folded up piece of paper, he opens it and there is the picture.

"I kept it with me whilst you were out" He smiles and tucks it back in his robes, I feel really moved and emotional. God, what is wrong with me?

"That's what you need to tell me about, what you did whilst I was out, what everyone else did, what happened to the Slytherins" I smile and play with the letter in my hands, it's from Dumbledore asking me to come to his office in an hour. Well, it's a bit friendlier than that but you get the idea.

"Me, Remus & James found you, i'll tell you how in a while but not today and we ran to the hospital wing and Pomfrey said she wasn't sure you'd make it and she was so busy and you were out cold and I was very upset" Sirius looks to James at this point and I get the feeling he was more than upset "It was a blur but eventually she said and I quote 'If she lasts the night then she'll recover' and that line will stay with me forever, so the girls and Peter came down and we all stayed all night and then you were alive the next day so we knew you'd recover but I didn't feel much better, James had to stop from going to kill the Slytherins many times, the others came and went everyday but I stayed all day every day, in case you woke up and I wasn't there" That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, ever "Dumbledore came down and he spoke to us one afternoon, asked me how I was and I told him the truth, I felt angry and useless and furious that this had happened and Dumbledore said he felt the same obviously not for the same reasons and he spoke to me about joining the Order of the Phoenix when I leave school which he said he'd talk to you about and explain, all the Marauders are joining and Lily" Sirius grinned, he was obviously very excited about the Order of the Phoenix, cool name, I might join just so I can say the name "Anyway I have no idea where the Slytherins are or what is happening to them, Dumbledore withheld that information, probably to avoid me being chucked in Azkaban" He laughs and draws invisible lines on my hand with his finger.

"I think you'd look dashing those beautiful striped pyjamas" I say and kiss him on the cheek; it's time to go to see Dumbledore.

"Katherine, after all you've put me through do I not deserve more than I kiss on the cheek?" He smile mischievously, I put my hands on my hips and raise an eyebrow.

"Oh yes I can see how this has been incredibly difficult _for you_" I smile.

"Please, all you had to do was sleep" He laughs and I roll my eyes at him before leaning in and kissing him, I began to pull away but he holds the top of arms so I can't move eventually he lets go and I look at him questioningly "I'm getting my eight days worth" He laughs and grin and get my cane before I walk towards the door.

"Bye guys" I yell and James looks up from his easy and gives me a wave and a wink, Sirius just grins his usual grin. I've missed those guys.

I go to the area of the castle that it says on my letter and it declares that when I get to the staircase I should stand on it and say 'liquorice snap' so I do so and the staircase begins to move upwards until I am standing in Dumbledore's office, pretty darn neat. It's full of interesting objects and loads of books and paintings; they all look at me curiously as I enter. Dumbledore smiles from his chair and gestures me to take a seat which I do. I put my cane against the desk and fidget because I don't know how to act, relaxed but not bored, serious but not overly so.

"How are you Miss. Winslow?" Dumbledore says in a normal way but I'm not sure if he means how are your injuries or how are you after being brutally attacked by a bunch of low life Slytherins.

"Good, yeah, I'm not dead so that's something" I laugh and Dumbledore smiles, I can't imagine how much pressure and stress he's under. He has to deal with Voldemort and the Death Eaters outside Hogwarts and now it's seeping in.

"Kate, I understand if this is asking too much of you but may I collect your memory from the night you were attacked, I think if would be beneficial for me to see it and for you to see it again" He says calmly, how are we going to see it.

"Well of course Professor but I don't know how" I say frowning in confusion, Dumbledore gets up and points his wand to my temple; it's a little bit disconcerting.

"May I?" He says and I nod "Think of that night Katherine" He says and I do so, I look at his wand and a flickering silver wisp is hanging to it. Is that a memory? He takes it over to a stone basin with a silver bowl in it, he pours the memory into it and gestures me over. "Shall we?" He says and I put my face to the bowl and within seconds I'm in the Hogwarts grounds watching myself walk towards the lake, the Slytherins are coming behind me. We watch it all: the constant duelling, the fire, me escaping the fire, the water I cast around them, the severed leg, me falling unconscious, then the Marauders finding me and Sirius taking me back to the castle. Through it all Dumbledore just observes with a thoughtful expression. Eventually we leave and we're back in the office.

"You showed extraordinary bravery that evening, 50 points" Woo, I nearly died but at least I get points for it "But points obviously is not what your worried about" He may of just read my mind, he can probably do that, it is Dumbledore "I'm sure you want to know what is to happen to the Slytherins" He says and I nod "They're under monitoring in their common room, the Ministry have heard and so have parents...they are of age and are eligible for trial and to be expelled, it is your choice Miss. Winslow" He says and looks at me.

"Voldemort will probably infiltrate the Ministry eventually and so a trial will probably never come to anything and if you expel them then they'll run straight to the Death Eaters and he'll have three more people and that's a risk I'm not willing to take so I'd like for them to stay here but they have to spend every break, lunch and evening under supervision and that's not all three, that's all five...Wilkes and Gibbon included" I say and Dumbledore looks at me very thoughtfully.

"Not Severus Snape, he's the other one in their group" Dumbledore looks at me thoughtfully and I shrug.

"I suppose that's up to you" I say tiredly "Personally, I trust Snape" I smile and Dumbledore nods.

"I see Sirius' views haven't clouded your own" He says, he knows about me and Sirius then again he is Dumbledore, he knows everything about everyone. That's why his beard is so big it's full of secrets.

"No, I think Sirius and Snape are destined to be enemies for life" I say and Dumbledore chuckles before eating a lemon drop, he offers me one and I accept. He then proceeds to tell me about the Order of the Phoenix, a resistance movement he's started against Voldemort and I say that I'm in for sure, shortly after he lets me go and I stagger to the common room and fall asleep on the sofa because stairs are just too much of a challenge tonight.


	20. Full of Surprises

"Katherine Arizona Winslow" Sirius chimes as he walks into the library. I am revising; yep you heard correctly, I am revising. I figured if I want to get a job once I graduate, passing NEWTs might be helpful. It's a week since I woke up, I haven't seen the Slytherins and I am cane free.

"Don't say my middle name!" I scorn as he sits on the wooden desk, people look round as they always do when one of the Marauders are around. He looks at me challengingly.

"I love your middle name, Katherine Arizona Winslow" He grins and his eyes glint.

"Shut your mouth, Sirius Orion Black" I smile and he chuckles "Are you here to revise or just distract me?" I ask playfully and he looks at me surprised.

"Don't try and take the high ground, this is the first time this year you've opened a textbook" He laughs and I whack him with said textbook "No, I just came to say hi but I'm going to go because first, you revising is a miracle and second, me and James are going to go...on a walk" He says and we both know full well he's not just taking a leisurely stroll "I have a lot of things that I need to explain...which I will tonight" He says as he walks of, he points at me and grins "You keep studying Arizona" He laughs and strides out of the library. That boy is mad; I shake my head and get back to word after a second a figure is standing next to me politely coughing. I look up to see Henry; surely he can't still be persisting with the notion that I still like him.

"Hi Kate, I just came to see if you're feeling better now after the incident" Oh, right, well that was sweet. I really have no reason to hold a grudge against Henry all he did was try to win me back even if it was wrong and completely inappropriate.

"Yes thanks, much better now Henry" I smile and continue to write, a subtle hint that he should probably leave.

"I wanted to come to visit you in hospital but I thought after what happened it might be a little awkward" He says, I suddenly have a vision of Henry standing next to my bed whilst Sirius and the others were there and I cover my mouth to stifle my laugh "Anyway, I want to give you these" He takes his wand and conjures a bouquet of freesias, they're very beautiful.

"Henry I can't-"

"Kate please, I was a horrible boyfriend and then I was a horrible person when I ruined things between you and Sirius Black so please take them as a sorry present" He says, a sorry present? I nod and take the freesias. He smiles and says goodbye. I move the freesias over to one side and about ten minutes later another person is standing by my desk, is the library normally this busy? I look up to see Remus. I grin widely at him and beckon him to sit next to me which he does. I don't think I'm going to get much work done today.

"Who are the flowers from?" Remus asks as he sits down. I look at them for a moment then back to him.

"Henry" I say casually and Remus raises an eyebrow "He says they're an apology for him being horrible" I say and Remus nods.

"In that case you should be expecting a florists worth of flowers from those Slytherins" He smiles softly, there's something about Remus that just makes it impossible not to feel calm when your with him. Maybe that's why he's so close to Sirius and James, they all balance out. I'm not sure what Peter adds to the group, he is very sweet though.

"I don't think they'll be sending me a bouquet anytime soon" I reply and I look at Remus, when he's not with the Marauders I can see clearly in his eyes that Remus is sad...I don't know why or what about but he is and it pains me to see it.

"What?" He says unsurely as I look at him.

"Your eyes..." I trail off wondering whether it would be rude to continue but then I think to hell with it, we're friends after all "Sometimes you seem sad, always like there is piece of you that isn't in the right place" I say, I don't know when in the last five minutes I got a psychology degree, Remus smiles in agreement with my observation.

"Yeah, I suppose you could say that" He says and looks away thoughtfully "I'm lucky that I have such great friends I suppose" He grins and I nod in agreement, we do have a good friendship group. We all support and care for each other which we're definitely going to need after we leave.

"You do, Sirius thinks the world of you" I grin and Remus smiles at me and the shakes his head slightly.

"Then he thinks the universe of you Kate" He laughs and I can't help but smile stupidly, a side effect of people mentioning mine and Sirius' relationship "Sirius and James don't know how lucky they are" He sighs and pulls at the corner of a textbook.

"Hey" I say and he looks at me "There's someone for you Remus" I say and I know that there is, I mean who wouldn't like Remus, he's a brilliant person.

"No" He says flatly "Not with my condition" He says, his condition? I look at him confused "Sirius is going to tell you about it tonight...I hope you'll still be my friend Kate, after he tells you, when I told him to tell you he seemed in no doubt that it wouldn't change how you feel about me or treat me so I hope he's correct" He says and looks at me, what is he going on about? Whatever all this stuff is that Sirius needs to tell me and whatever Remus has or is; I'm sure it won't change a thing.

"He's correct, whatever he says tonight Remus, I know who you are and i'll never lose sight of it" I say and Remus looks at me gratefully but I can see he's not completely sold.

"So...what is the big news?" I say as me and Sirius sit on a bench in the courtyard, it's a brisk spring evening but I'm wearing my coat and scarf so it's not too bad. I settle down to hear what Sirius has to say.

"Ok, big news first" Sirius says and looks at me in an 'are you ready?' way and I am, I really am "I'm sure you've noticed that every month, The Marauders kind of go into themselves and act a little strange and that Remus especially looks tired and drawn quite a lot" I nod in agreement to this fact that I was talking to Remus about a few hours ago "I tell you this knowing it won't change a thing but Remus is worried that it might but here it goes...Remus is a werewolf" It filters through my brain and I play it back again and again. Remus is a werewolf. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. Remus Lupin the most calm, lovely person ever is a werewolf. A werewolf, wow, regardless he is still the loveliest and calmest person ever just you know, slightly hairier.

"Ok" I smile "He's still Remus" I shrug and Sirius grins and squeezes my hand.

"Right, next on the agenda...me" He says and I look at him curiously.

"Are you a werewolf too?" I say, wondering if there's a secret colony of them at Hogwarts. Sirius laughs and shakes his head.

"Not quite" He says before getting up and walking a couple of meters away his body shifts into that of a tall, black, slightly shaggy dog. Good god he's an animagus...Padfoot. I laugh slightly hysterically and Sirius woofs and rolls onto his back, I roll my eyes and lean over to rub his stomach, he seems to enjoy that. After a moment I back away and he shifts back.

"So you're a dog" I say casually, I'm waiting for this all to hit me but it doesn't.

"I'm a dog, Padfoot" He says and gestures to himself "James is a stag, Prongs, Peter is a rat, Wormtail and Remus is werewolf, Moony" He says and I now understand all their weird nicknames, this is bizarre as hell but I don't feel overwhelmed "Right next-"

"There's a next?" I interrupt looking at him surprised, how many secrets do these guys have?

"Are you alright?" He checks and I nod, I'm a little surprised but I think I have a right to be "Ok next is this" He gets a piece of parchment out of his hoodie pocket and passes it to me. Wow, fascinating.

"Umm...cool?" I say slowly and Sirius laughs and gets out his wand.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" He taps the parchment and deep red ink appears on the paper and says Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs are proud to present the Marauders map. They made a map? After a moment he opens it up and I notice footsteps of people in their dorms and offices, I can see Dumbledore pacing up and down in his office, god this is crazy. He gives it to me and I study it intensely, wow "That's how we found you..." He trails off "Tap it and say 'Mischief managed'" He says and I get out my wand and do so, the ink disappears leaving the old parchment.

"Well, you are full of surprises" I say and Sirius grins proudly. I feel very thankful that he trusts me enough to tell me them all and he can trust me, with anything and I feel the same about him.


	21. Because You're Worth It

It's a few days until the Easter break and everyone has gone NEWT crazy; in fact I'll be glad to go home just to get away from the constant panic and stress. Everybody buries them under work then resurfaces now and again, I mean I probably wouldn't notice if I was joining in but I'm not. On evening before we all go home, we're doing a mixture of relaxing and revising, I'm on the relaxing half surprisingly.

"So i'll come to you or you come to me" Sirius clarifies, he's going to James' for the holidays and I'm going home to see my parents which will be good as I haven't seen them in god knows how long.

"I'll come to you" I state and Sirius raises his eyebrow curiously.

"Why can't I come to you?" He asks openly, I don't know how to get around topics like this, my parents don't know about Sirius. They would be like a dog with a bone if I told them I was in a relationship so I try to avoid it.

"Because my parents don't know about you" I say and he looks at me thoughtfully, wounded even.

"Why?" He asks casually but I can tell he's a bit pissed off which is fair enough because we have been together for 5 months and I should tell them but I don't know how they'll react.

"Well you haven't told your parents" I mumbled and he ignores my lame attempt at humour and changing the subject.

"Do you not think we're going to last?" He asks sharply, our friends have turned around to look at us, why do they never all stare at James and Lily then I realise they don't argue half as much as we do.

"Yes Sirius that's exactly the reason" I say sarcastically, his eyes flicker angrily and I glare at him.

"Then what is the reason Kate?" He says bluntly.

"I just don't want them to be on my back about it all the time, they won't let it go for months and I don't need that right now" I say frustrated, there's a million and one things happening at the moment I don't really need anymore.

"Oh poor you, your parents actually give a fuck" He says heatedly and I feel instantly guilty.

"That's not what I meant" I try to reason but I can tell his temper is long gone.

"I know exactly what you meant but parents wouldn't care if I died tomorrow so excuse me if I'm finding it a little hard to sympathise!" He snapped and strode off to his dormitory, I got up to follow him but a hand grabbed my wrist gently and stopped me.

"Let him go" James said softly and I looked at the staircase before nodding and sitting back down, I should let him cool off...at least for a little bit.

James has given me approval to go up now; we both know if you try to talk to Sirius too soon after an argument then it just pushes him further. I walk in slowly and notice Sirius on his bed with his face buried in his pillow but his breathing is too heavy to be asleep but a little heavier than normal, he's been crying. I sit down next to him and feel an overwhelming need to be make him feel happy again, I know this is not over me not telling my parents about him, it's about his own parents and I hate them, hate them passionately for making him feel this way, for being complete bloody idiots.

"Sweetheart" I say softly and surprise myself because I've never said that, never had the intention of saying it but it just felt like that was the right thing to say to him. He looks at me and moves so he's sitting up with crossed legs.

"You've never called me that before" He says in a strange tone, I shrug and look at him trying to gauge how he's feeling, I try to think how to make him happy again, to tell him it doesn't matter. But of course it bloody matters, I know I'd feel catatonic if my parents hated me, if they didn't care about me or my life and I realise how lucky I am and how stupid I was to say that I didn't appreciate their interest in me "I like it" He says, a quirk of a smile playing at his lips.

"What?" I say gently being pulled out of my thoughts.

"I like you calling me sweetheart" He shrugs, his eyes are affectionate but I can tell he's still sad.

"I'll reserve it for special occasions" I grin and he smiles slightly and then closes his eyes "Talk to me" I say and he opens one eye slightly to look at me, he sighs heavily and runs his hand through his hair which I think is a mannerism he's picked up from James.

"There's not much to say, my parents don't want to know me and it doesn't matter to me but sometimes I wish things were different... I wish they weren't crazed about blood purity, I wish they hadn't pushed Regulus with their ideals, I wish they'd of been proud when I got accepted into Gryffindor, I wish they could happily meet The Marauders instead of trying to tear the picture down from my wall, I wish they could see how twisted Voldemort and the Death Eaters are, I wish they could meet you and see how brilliant you are and most of all I wish they knew me, I wish they would actually take the time to know me" He finishes and I feel salt water tang my lips as my tears reach them, he looks out of the window and murmurs almost inaudibly "But I'm not worth knowing to them" This makes me furious and my tears halt, I wipe them away with my sleeve, how can anyone think he's not worth knowing?

"Sirius" He continues to look out of the window "Sweetheart" I chuckle and looks at me and rolls his eyes, I look at him earnestly "You are worth knowing, you are loyal, affectionate, cheerful, determined, you persevere, you always do what is right not what is convenient or easy, you're enthusiastic, you have faith in yourself and always in others, you're hardworking, brave, honest, kind, positive, confident, trustworthy, generous, a constant rule breaker, rebellious as hell and all this makes you brilliant and definitely worth knowing" I look at him sincerely and hold both his hands "And to me worth loving" And before I know it his weight is on top of me, he's kissing me passionately as he does when he's overcome with love, he's not one for sonnets but neither am I and I would take this over a sonnet any day. I respond to him and him to me, action, reaction and so it goes on. There's always a point when we're kissing where one of us thinks about the stopping point and I wonder whether tonight is that night that there's not a point, I begin to pull at his tie and he slowly pushes me back. Oh crap, I cringe internally and he looks at me with wide black pupils and he looks as bewildered as I feel. The seconds, minutes, hours, who the hell knows tick by "Say something" I mutter and he looks at me with that mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Not tonight" He says simply and grins, I fix him with what I hope is a challenging stare.

"Why not?" I say exasperated, he laughs raucously. Oh lord, I sound like such a tramp.

"Because we don't have the necessary...protection" His mouth twitches at the side and we both grin widely at each other, we've gone from all out emotional to hormone crazed young adults in a few minutes.

"Can't we...conjure some?" I smile and Sirius laughs again.

"You know, I don't think Flitwick covered _that_ in NEWT level Charms" He grins and I chuckle before getting to my feet, I pull him up and straighten his tie before we head back downstairs. But I have cheered him up so at least I've accomplished something from being in his room.


	22. Homecoming

_**AN: Hey, thanks for reading, I hope you like it. It would be great if you could review (It only takes a second) : D Thanks guys **_

"It's been so long since you've been here honey" My mum sighs as we get into the hallway, my dad puts my suitcase down and they both look at me, my puts her hand up for me to wait and I do standing completely still "Marie!" My mum calls, sweet lord my sister is here but she lives in London, why is she here in Durham? I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and my sister who I haven't seen since last summer is standing on the stairs smiling politely at me.

"Hi Kate" She says awkwardly, I smile at her as my parents look on, they know we like each other but we're not close which I think bothers them a little especially mum.

"Hi Marie...How are you?" I say trying to seem like this is a completely comfortable conversation.

"Yeah, great" She nods "You?" I look up at her and nod.

"Yeah, great...work?" I say politely interested.

"Yeah, good...school?" She replies.

"Yeah, brilliant" I say and that is the extent of our conversation after not seeing each other for 8 months. We just don't know what to say but I feel I should break that barrier, maybe i'll work on that "Are you still living with your boyfriend?" I say, this is little more sister zone conversation and I feel like my parents are watching a tennis match with the back and forth between me and Marie. She looks down at me from the stares and smiles a little.

"Yeah, yeah I am...its going well" She grins and I smile politely in response "What about you?" Oh no, why did I bring the topic of guys up, I can't lie, oh bugger.

"What about me?" I stall, really aware of my parents. I do plan to tell them because Sirius is coming over in a couple of days but I didn't really want it to be as soon as I walked in.

"Any guys?" She smiles and I think she's noticed my hesitance, oh bugger.

"Well...yes" I say summoning my Gryffindor bravery, the atmosphere in the hallway changes instantly. There is a very long silence.

"Is it serious?" My dad says. Cue ten minutes of me laughing at his unknown pun. I eventually collect myself and I can tell my family fear for my sanity.

"Define 'serious'" I say slowly trying to be careful about how this plays out. I don't want my parents to think I've rushed into something because it was in the late October I wrote to them about breaking up with Henry.

"Is it a serious relationship?" Mum asks because frankly dad doesn't know a flying banana about relationships. Marie is still looking at us all from the staircase, why do I get myself in these messes.

"We're just taking it as it comes" I reply smiling slightly and my parents seem to relax "But he's coming over in two days to meet you" I spring that on them and they look all shocked again, I never brought Henry to see my parents. I begin to move towards the kitchen.

"Oh right, well what's his name?" My mum asks a little flustered.

"Sirius Black" I say, the name making me shiver and smile at the same time. It's not lost on them.

"That's not a very normal name" My dad finally pipes up and I shrug as I enter the kitchen.

"He's not a very normal guy" I laugh back; yep they definitely think I've got crackers. I pour myself some water and think about what to do over these holidays, I have no friends here well not really, I have no job, they're really isn't much for me to do. Maybe I should revise, my books are practically screaming at me to do and I know I should...maybe later.

"Honey can you pass the salt?" My mum smiles as we all sit around the table eating roast dinner; it's lovely as mum's food always is. Marie and I catch each other's stares a few times and when it happens we make awkward smiles and look away. The conversation flows between me and my parents, I tell them all about Hogwarts editing the Slytherins out of the story because they would go crazy if they knew and I'm so thankful that Dumbledore didn't tell them. Marie looks at me looking horribly awkward, oh darn, she still finds this hard to be comfortable with.

"So...tell us more about Sirius" My mum says and I can't stop myself from grinning whenever I hear his name, I can tell mum changed the subject to something Marie would be more comfortable with which is clever and I'm annoyed I didn't think of it, maybe that's why I'm not a Ravenclaw. I just don't think in a broad minded way.

"What do you what to know?" I say, pulling myself away from my sorting hat inner monologue.

"What's he like as a student?" My father says curiously. Hmm, well he's in detention once or twice a week, has broken every school rule in Hogwarts and even a couple of the rules of the Ministry of Magic. He's a model student.

"He's very intelligent, very popular, has lovely friends and he cares about the future of our race" I say, my sister visibly bristles as I say this because she finds it weird that we're exactly the same but technically we are different races.

"Sounds like a catch" My mother smiles softly at me and continues eating, I do the same.

"What about his family?" My dad pushes gently; I look up at him with my mouth stuffed with carrots and raise an eyebrow "What are they like?" He adds and I stay completely silent.

"Katherine?" My mum pushes using my full name; I look at my plate and push the food around with my fork.

"They're not very nice people" I say frowning, god that doesn't even begin to cover it.

"Not very nice...how?" Marie says slowly, this is going to be difficult to word.

"Well you know about Voldemort?" My family all looked at me taken aback, my mum solemn, my dad frowning and Marie looks frankly like she's about to be sick but they all nod "He believes very much that magical people are supreme to muggles and that muggle borns are the lowest of the low in the wizarding world, he has this ideal that pure-bloods are the most, for lack of a better word, perfect and Sirius' family, they agree with Voldemort, they think he's spot on, they're all for cleansing of the wizarding world and they are crazed about their ideals of how the wizarding world should be and some of his family are Voldemort's followers and all of them are Slytherins, Sirius found their attitude wrong and he got sorted into Gryffindor, he didn't like the way they thought, he didn't like the idea of wizards and witches being supreme over muggles, his parents and brother grew to hate him for not conforming and he hated them for being the way they are so he ran away in 5th year, he hasn't spoken to his parents in over two years luckily his relation, an uncle maybe took pity on him and when he died he left him money so Sirius has his own flat, his brother Regulus is in the year below but they don't speak...so as you can tell, they're not very nice people" They're absolute bastards I want to add but that would ruin the mood, well what's left of it. My family look at me unblinkingly, I want to make them see how bad it is, how bad it could be, they need to know because if anything happened to me I'd want them to know why. Not that it will, or will it? No don't think that way, I scold myself.

"Oh the poor boy" My mum says getting all maternal, even my dad looks sympathetic and surprised "Is he ok?" My mum adds meaning 'is he psychologically scarred?'

"Yeah mum, he's brilliant, he's so brave" I say my voice strong with love, my family obviously hear it and look a little taken aback but then my mum grins widely at me, my dad and sister look a bit confused.

"I think this one will be married before you Marie" Dad says as an offhand comment but I see the effects immediately, my mum looks at dad scolding him with her eyes then looks reassuringly at Marie, Marie looks tearful and throws her napkin down before storming out. Ok, I've definitely missed something here.

"Oh well done Bert" Mum snaps and looks at me softly; I raise my eyebrow in a kind of 'What the hell is going on?' way. "Marie has been hoping that her boyfriend will propose for a while now, she's starting to get really edgy about it" My mum says worriedly, I give my dad the same scolding look and he looks up from his dinner with a 'who me?' look on his face. Yes you! I shout internally and get up to go and see Marie, we're not close but I feel I should fix this, whatever it is.

I knock the door, no answer so I enter anyway which kind of defeats the object of knocking it in the first place. Marie is sitting at her dresser staring in the mirror, someone's feeling philosophical today.

"You alright?" I say and sit on the bed; she turns to look and me and smiles softly at my attempt to make an effort.

"Yes, I just...I don't think he wants to marry me Kate" She says, I was not expecting to be thrown in at the deep end. I search my brain trying to think of the right combination of words, I have no idea what to say!

"You don't know that" I say gently, trying to be as reassuring as possible "Give him time" I add and she nods, I can barely figure out the guy I'm in love with so how can I figure out hers.

"Does this Sirius guy seem like he wants to marry you?" Holy mother of Merlin, where did that come from? I blink a couple of times but she just looks at me persistently.

"No" I say adamantly. Sirius Black married is as likely as a NEWT exam being enjoyable, would I marry him anyway? Who am I kidding of course I would but I'm eighteen and far too young to be thinking of marrying him...aren't I? My brain goes out of control and starts playing 'here comes the bride' before I can reign it in. Sirius in a wedding suit, mmm. Oh my god Kate stop thinking about this! "No, he'd never marry me" I say with a slight smile and Marie looks a little less wounded maybe because we're in the same boat.

"I can't wait to meet him" She says a little happier, boys...finally some common ground!

"I can't wait for you to meet him" I laugh and give her a pat on the shoulder before leaving the room, I've just build a bridge with my sister and it only took 7 years.

It's five in the evening and we're all sitting in the living room not speaking just waiting and listening to the tick of the clock, any second now Sirius will arrive. I hear a faint crack outside and my head flicks up, he's here. I casually get up and wander towards the hallway as I do then doorbell goes off and I practically sprint to the door. I open it and Sirius is there with his shining eyes and bright smile "Katherine" He grins and hugs me tightly, I hug him back and put my head on his chest. We've only been apart three days but I've missed this, missed him.

"You ready for this?" I smile my excitement mirroring his.

"I was born ready" He laughs and I roll my eyes at his cliché line, Merlin I've missed this guy.

"Just remember do not mention the Slytherins" I say and he frowns at me.

"You haven't told them" He says disbelievingly, I shake my head "Feeling rebellious are we?" He laughs and his grey eyes flicker with mischief.

"You're rubbing off on me" I smile in response.

"Oh I certainly hope so" He grins and I link my hand with his and pull him towards the living room, here we go.

My family like Sirius and he likes them in return, my mum would not stop fussing him all night but Sirius seemed to enjoy rather than get irritated like I do. My sister's mouth practically hit the floor when she saw him as most girls do. My dad liked him and they talked about motorbikes for ages, I never knew Sirius was that keen on them but apparently he's fanatical. When it was time for him to leave he invited me to go over to his tomorrow night, our whole group is going to be there apparently so I hastily agreed. We all said goodbye to him in the hall and Sirius kissed me a little too inappropriately in front of my family and I knew he did it to make me embarrassed and with a final wink he left.

_**Review, you know you want to and tell me a little about what you'd like to see from the rest of the story or what you wouldn't like to see, Thanks guys :D **_


	23. An Evening Out

I get to Sirius' flat at around seven the next evening, I look around the hallway it's very classic lit with lamps that line the walls. The door swings open and I turn to see a flash of red hair then feel a body slam into me.

"Kate!" Lily yells as she releases me, I grin at her and she yanks my hand and pulls me in. I enter into a huge living space, there is a large Persian rug on the floor that James and Sirius are sitting on, Remus and Peter are sitting on the sofa and Jane and Em are sitting on some arm chairs. I'm the last here, naturally. I go over to sit with Sirius and he grins lazily at me, they're sort of playing exploding snap and there seems to be copious amounts of Firewhisky passing around. He holds the bottle up to me and I shake my head, he grins and takes a large swig himself. He's already slightly drunk; I look around to see who else if affected by his bad influence. Lily has a glass of wine next to her and looks a little flushed although that may just be down to James, alright everyone is a little merry apart from Remus who is looking out the widow, god he looks exhausted. Should we really all be drinking if he's near his time of the month, ha that's a funny expression, no but seriously should we? I go to the kitchen that's adjacent to the living area and get myself a glass of water. The wooden door swings back gently and Remus enters, his copper hair flopping over his tired eyes.

"You alright Kate?" He says as he flicks on the kettle and gets out some instant coffee, he's obviously well acquainted with this place "I stay here a lot, when I need space" He smiles gently as he slowly measures out the coffee with the spoon "Anyway, you alright?" He says again.

"Yeah, yeah...I just didn't know we'd be drinking and by the looks of it it'll take me a while to catch up" I laugh and Remus nods before holding up a cup asking me if I want coffee, I nod and he starts pouring out more coffee grounds "You look very tired Remus, are you sure you should be here?" I say concernedly. He hands me a coffee, it smells lovely although a little artificial. I drink it gladly.

"I am really tired but James and Sirius are very persistent" He laughs and drinks his coffee, I know how hard it is to refuse Sirius, it's pretty much impossible.

"I know" I chuckle "But really if you don't want to be here then you shouldn't, I don't know if I want to be here...sitting around a flat getting drunk isn't really my idea of a good time" I smile and finish my coffee leaving it by Sirius' sink, Remus places his mug on the counter.

"I think I do want to go home" He says finally, he looks like he's going to collapse onto the floor any minute.

"Yeah I don't really fancy being here either" I say "I'll walk you out" He nods and we go back into the living room, Sirius and James cheer as we re-enter the room "Remus is going home and I think I will too" I say and Sirius frowns and stumbles to his feet.

"But you only just got here" He says frowning, he looks so confused and I can't help but laugh.

"I know but I have some work to finish before we go back to school" I say and then realise that I couldn't of made a worse lie.

"Well that's a bloody lie" He says looking directly at me, his eyes all hazy and not as sharp as they normally are.

"I don't want to drink tonight and I don't want to be the only sober one" I smile and he looks at and cocks his head to the side before he shrugs.

"Please yourself, I'll speak to you soon then Kate" He says, I begin to raise my arms for a hug but Sirius has already walked back to the rug and is clumsily shuffling the snap cards. I look at Remus who looks around awkwardly, rejected by my own boyfriend; this night just gets better and better.

"Bye guys" I say and everyone looks up at me a little dazed but they all wave, Remus does the same and we leave. Outside the cold night air is biting and I feel extra awake after the coffee, I don't want to go home and hey I'm in London after all, there's got to be something to do around here.

"I'm going to go now Kate, I just want to say thanks, I know Sirius told you about me and you're still a great friend and I'm sorry for ever doubting you" He smiles and I give him a hug, he accepts it and hugs me lightly back "Give Sirius some time Kate, he's learning, it's all very new to him" He says and I can't help but grin, this is new to him, it's new to me too. I've never been in love, I loved Henry but I wasn't _in_ love with him. I am completely in love with Sirius, I'm not too crackers about drunk Sirius but its all part of the package and I'm willing to accept the good and the bad because it all belongs to him.

"I know, thanks Remus, see you" I smile and begin walking down the street, I decide to go to the Leaky Cauldron and get a Butterbeer, there's always a few people in the Leaky Cauldron as well so I won't look like a total loner.

The Leaky Cauldron is pretty busy but I notice that nobody from Hogwarts is here; I wander up to the counter and get a Butterbeer and slide onto one of the stools. I see a person sitting next to me their body is as tense as a coiled viper, I look at them without moving my head and I gasp, I actually gasp like some swooning woman straight out an Austen novel. Bloody hell, I am sitting next to Regulus Black; I'm going to be sick. Has he seen me? Do I want him to see me? Bloody hell. What do I do?

"Regulus?" I say slowly and he looks straight ahead then turns towards me so slowly it's frightening, he looks just like Sirius but his face is more drawn and pale and his eyes are harsher with no happiness or mischief.

"Yes" He replies sharply, he knows who I am everyone at Hogwarts know I'm Sirius girlfriend; I still haven't worked out how that spread so fast.

"It's nice to finally meet you" I say, is it nice to meet him? I don't know. I have no bloody idea what to say. It is nice to meet him in a way, the model son that Sirius could never be, never should be. I take a long sip of Butterbeer.

"I suppose Sirius has told you all about me" He growls and takes a sip of Firewhisky, a family taste apparently.

"He's told me about you, yes" I mutter and he narrows his eyes at me and I take another sip of Butterbeer "I'm sorry things haven't work out between you" I say softly and he looks at me sceptically and finishes his Firewhisky "I know he wishes it was different" I say and look at Regulus, he looks at me and for a second I see a flicker of regret in his but all too soon it's gone.

"You're the one that got attacked by the 7th years from my house, aren't you?" He says bluntly and I nod, Merlin where's he going with this "They shouldn't of done that" He says finally, that's rich coming from the aspiring death eater, if he doesn't agree with harming muggle borns then he's really on the wrong career path. Then I remember what Sirius said about his brother liking the ideals of Voldemort, what about when that comes into practice? "I have to go now but before I do, how is Sirius?" I can see at that moment that Regulus is a sheep, he's following the pack, I understand why Sirius regrets not being able to help him. The road Regulus wants to follow is clear.

"He's brilliant, I believe thoroughly drunk at the moment though" I can't help but grin and I see Regulus' mouth twitch at the corner in a slight smile "Do you want me to pass on a message?" I ask hopefully, Regulus shakes his head slowly and leaves the pub. What a night.


	24. Troll Level Student

A couple of days later and I'm back on the train to Hogwarts, it was sad to leave my family again but I promised we'd spend lots of time together over the summer, which I hope we will unless I'm too busy with the Order which I doubt because I don't think we're going to be duelling every day. At the moment I've got Sirius sleeping on my lap, he's still recovering from Thursday, Jane told me he got obliterated and I'm very thankful I wasn't there to see it. I still haven't told him about Regulus, the right time hasn't really come up yet. As we pull up to the station I give Sirius a shake and he blinks wildly before he recognizes me and grins cheerfully, I should tell him, he deserves to know. I make a mental note to do that this evening.

"You left on Thursday" Sirius says accusingly as get into the castle "How come?" He grins as he links our hands and strides along quickly towards Gryffindor tower.

"Um, lightweight" I mutter and give him a smile; he frowns at me but then shrugs.

"Did you go home?" He says casually as he looks at the paintings, I'm glad he can't see my panicked expression. This is a direct question, I can't lie.

"No" I say simply and he turns towards me and raises his eyebrow in question "I went out" I say and grin at him; he rolls his eyes at me and continues walking.

"Where did you go?" He grins at me, there's no way to get out of this one so I may as well just tell him the truth I suppose sooner is better than later.

"The Leaky Cauldron" I mutter and cringe because I know the admission will follow soon; he cocks his head to one side and then looks intensely at me.

"What aren't you telling me?" He says finally and gives a curious smile.

"Don't be angry" I say, we're at the side of the staircase now and the other Gryffindors are passing quickly. I look around at anything but him.

"Depends what you say" He shrugs.

"I saw someone on Thursday, at the pub" I say slowly and he inclines his head in a gesture for me to continue "I saw Regulus" His body instantly tenses and his eyes harden "I spoke to him" I finish my voice a lot calmer than I feel.

"And did you and my brother have a nice cosy chat?" His voice is constrained and he lets go of my hand and he puts both his hands in his pockets and starts marching up the staircase. Great.

"Yes, we're the best of friends now" I say sarcastically and follow him, he gives me a withering glare and I try to change tack "Please don't be angry" I say softly and he stops of the stairs and his eyes lose their harshness.

"I'm not angry at you" He says and walks down a couple of steps so we're on the same one and he looks at me apologetically.

"I know you're not" I say and I know why he's angry, it's more at the situation than the actual meeting. I link our hands again and he doesn't try to pull away "He was ok" I say reassuringly and Sirius give me a sceptical look.

"Well obviously not if he was sad enough to go to a pub on his own" He says and I raise my eyebrows at him, he breaks into a grin "Sorry" He laughs and gives me a wink.

"He was actually much better than I was expecting but then again my last experience with a Slytherin nearly left me dead so I wasn't expecting much" I grin and Sirius gives me a 'don't joke about that look' to which I just stick my tongue out at and he does the same, we're so mature.

"He was really ok?" He says hopefully and I nod adamantly, he nods and we begin walking to the common room. We don't say anything else except I hear him mutter 'stupid boy' once but I don't comment on it.

That evening the common room is buzzing because NEWTs begin next month and everybody is glued to their books. I'm not really glued to my book, mine's a bit of a looser bond, more like cello tape.

"Shouldn't you be revising?" Sirius grins, he seems to of let the Regulus thing go for now which is good.

"_You_ are lecturing _me_ on how to behave at school?" I say disbelievingly and he smiles even wider.

"I believe I am, got a problem with that Winslow?" He challenges and drops his book onto the sofa and moves forwards so our noses almost touch. He leans in to kiss me but I turn my face just in time so he gets my cheek "Tease" He laughs and leans back against the sofa, he looks at Remus who is attached to a book, he looks even worse than he did a few days ago.

"Is it..." I trail off and Sirius gives a small nod.

"Tomorrow night" He says quietly his voice full of compassion but he also sounds a little excited "Get to stretch my legs" He turns his head and grins at me.

"All four of them" I reply and he chuckles but then he frowns.

"Stop distracting me, some of us actually want to pass our NEWTs" He says playfully serious and I roll my eyes at him.

"You want to pass don't you Kate?" Emma turns from her book to me, has she been listening to the whole conversation?

"No Em I want to fail and live in a box outside the Ministry of Magic" I laugh but nobody else does, am I missing something? "What?" I say finally, frowning at each of the people in our group.

"I know you joke about it Kate but really, have you actually revised this year...properly?" Emma says and everybody looks at me, Sirius bristles awkwardly beside me. I have revised. There was that time when I was at the library, nope Henry came along. That time in the courtyard, nope Slytherins came along. That other time in the library, nope Sirius _and_ Henry _and_ Remus came along. Oh bloody hell; I've actually done no revision. My first NEWT exam is in two weeks.

"Well...it's...I...there was...no, I haven't" I say finally and everybody gives me the 'you're screwed' look. Why have I left it so late? Henry was right, I don't take NEWTs seriously. Eugh, Henry was right, that makes me want to vomit "I have to go" I say, I pick up my bag and wrap my scarf around my neck.

"Where are you going?" Sirius says looking at me concernedly; I know this makes him awkward but in equal measure he's concerned.

"To see McGonagall" I say as I begin leaving the common room, Sirius meets my pace and walks with me. I don't know why I'm going to her but I just need reassurance I suppose, which I doubt i'll get.

"Mr. Black, I never thought I would see you in my office voluntarily" McGonagall says as Sirius stands at the door I move to the side of him "And Miss. Winslow" She adds and stands aside for us to walk in. I take a seat at her desk and look at Sirius, he grins reassuringly at me.

"What seems to be the problem?" She says as she sits at her desk, her office is similar to Slughorn's but it smells different...minty? I realise McGonagall is staring at me impatiently.

"Oh um NEWTs" I say and she looks at me blankly "How important is revision for NEWTs?" I say and she looks at me suspiciously.

"I should have hoped that you would know Miss. Winslow, you cannot hope to get more than an Acceptable if you don't revise and more likely you'll get a Dreadful" She says and I fidget nervously, she knows exactly what's going on. I look at Sirius but he's just looking around the room with a thoughtful expression, helpful.

"Is it too late...to revise?" I say awkwardly, I just want to get back to the common room.

"It's never too late, I suggest you revise every free period you have and for two or three hours every evening" She says and I stifle a laugh, three hours a night! "Miss. Winslow, would it help if you revised in my office away from...distractions" She looks pointedly at Sirius, who just winks at her, he's the only person who would wink at McGonagall.

"I distract him much more than he distracts me" I smile and Sirius nods in agreement, I narrow my eyes at him and he grins widely at me "But yes, i'll revise here" I say and she nods and writes something on the parchment, probably 'Katherine Winslow-Troll Level Student' or something like that. Sirius raises his eyebrows and gives an 'are we done?' look to McGonagall, she nods and we all get up. Sirius holds my hand and McGonagall doesn't look as severe anymore, she looks at Sirius almost proudly. Sirius smiles and we begin to walk out.

"Oh and Black" She begins, Sirius turns around and gives her a grin "It would be nice if you could get through one school week without a detention" She says pointedly and Sirius laughs.

"No guarantees Minerva" He winks and pulls me out the door and down the hallway back to the common room. I've said it before and i'll say it again, that boy is mad.


	25. The Patronus

Two days later and I'm in History of Magic thinking about how the boys got on last night with the full moon and all. Sirius said Remus is usually in a bad mood the day after because he's so angry with himself, with is so stupid, Remus is the most intelligent person ever but sometimes he's such an idiot. He doesn't see himself clearly at all but I was horrifically worried last night that Remus would hurt Sirius or James or Peter, or himself for that matter. I know they've done it before and they'll probably all be doing it into their old age but I'm allowed to worry and I do.

Its Potions, Sirius isn't here. Remus is but he's looking at his book frowning, James is looking at him and I'm looking at James trying to get his attention. Class hasn't started yet so we've got time to talk.

"James!" I yell and he looks round, I beckon him and he walks slowly towards me. When he gets to the desk he looks at Severus with hatred, Severus makes a point of not looking at him but he looks very tense but now is not the time for a Potter vs. Snape grudge match "Where's Sirius?" I say urgently. Severus makes a disgusted sneering sound, Snape knows Remus is a werewolf because Sirius once told Snape where to find him when he'd transformed luckily James saved him, Sirius really doesn't think sometimes. James ignores Snape which must take a lot of control for him. "Where is he?" I ask again and James runs his hand through his hair in exasperation.

"He's in our dorm" He replies eventually and I gesture for him to continue "Things got a bit crazy last night, he got hurt but he's resting now" He says and looks towards Remus, I now understand why Remus looks so down-poor guy.

"Is Sirius ok?" I say, the panic clear in my voice.

"Do you think we'd of come to class if he wasn't?" James says and I nod in agreement, I want to see him and decide to go after Potions. Slughorn comes from his office to the front "I'll speak to you later" James says and walks back to his desk. I notice Snape looking at me as if challenging me to stick up for Remus or James or Sirius.

"What?" I snap and Snape looks away and goes back to his book and I go back to thinking about Sirius.

After potions I run to the common room and I'm pretty sure it's the fastest I've ever moved. I get to the boys dorm and hurriedly open the door, Sirius is lying on his bed flicking through the practical joke book I got him for Christmas. He smiles a beaming smile when he sees me and I can't help but smile in return despite how worried I am.

"What kind of mess did you get yourself in this time?" I ask and sit on the end of his bed; he grins and throws the joke book onto the table.

"Remus was especially aggressive last night, slashed me across the back" He says conversationally like he's talking about the weather "But I'm fine and luckily we had some essence of dittany in the dorm for when things like that happen but even so Remus is really angry with himself which is ridiculous" He says and I'm so relieved Sirius is actually ok, but I feel so sorry for Remus. He struggles with his condition anyway and it's obviously so much worse for him when he hurts someone he loves.

"But your alright, do you need me to do anything?" I ask, he looks very much his normal self so I don't think it's that bad.

"You could kiss it better?" He grins and I push his face away which makes him laugh "I'm coming back to classes tomorrow, we're doing Patronus revision in class" He says casually, I can do a Patronus well but it's hard to keep it up, I get distracted so easily "What is your Patronus?" Sirius asks frowning slightly.

"Last time I checked it was a dolphin" I smile because I love what my Patronus represents "It represents playfulness, gentleness, friendship and generosity" I grin and Sirius nods enthusiastically "Yours is a lion, you showed me a few weeks ago" He nods and smiles proudly, a lion Patronus, typical.

"And what does a lion mean Professor Winslow?" He grins and I whack him but he does look genuinely interested.

"Courage, Authority, Justice, Ferocity, Loyalty" I smile and winks at me "So I think it's pretty accurate" I grin and he looks at me affectionately. Sirius is pretty much the definition of a Gryffindor and his Patronus, as a representation of his soul proves that. I don't know if I'm a dolphin, I believe I have the traits of one but I don't feel like one, weird. I carry on thinking about that pretty much through the whole of McGonagall's revision session although she'd always tell me off when I went in to dream world which was embarrassing but useful-for once in my life I was actually getting work done.

Charms, woo. Patronus revision, double woo. Snape isn't here which is strange because he never misses a class ever; I bet his Patronus is something embarrassing like a chicken. Flitwick makes us all line up and cast our Patronus. Jane's is a fox, Emma's is a rabbit, Lupin's is an owl, Lily's is a doe and James is a stag which is very sweet. Sirius casts his and a lion runs around and shakes his mane, another similarity-both lions and Sirius have great hair. I get called up to cast mine and I think of Christmas Day with Sirius, the happiest I've ever felt and as I do the silver blue form shimmers out of my wand but it's not a dolphin. It's a lioness; I watch it entranced for a while before is fades away. If my Patronus is a lioness and Sirius' is a lion that must mean that we're literally soul mates, hmm. I feel both extremely happy and a little embarrassed. Flitwick looks at me and smiles slightly.

"Hold on class" He says in his small, squeaky voice was walks over to his desk. I turn around and walk over to my friends; Lily, Jane and Em are giving me a 'that's beautiful' look, I'm nervous to look at Sirius we've never talked about life past Hogwarts or commitment and I've just made it clear that I'm very committed. I look at him and he's looking at me thoughtfully as if deciding on something, oh god what if he's going to chuck me? James and Remus look at him but they look happy, then they look at me and Remus smiles reassuringly and James winks, that's a good sign. Eventually Sirius notices my blatant staring and inclines his head towards the door, we walk out and he leans against the stone wall and I stand in front of him.

"You're a lion too then" He smiles and puts his arm around my waist and kisses my jawbone.

"Lioness" I correct and he laughs into my neck "I assume we both know the reason behind it?" I say trying to subtly approach the subject, he pulls away and looks at me.

"Yes, you've completely head over heels in love with me but really who can blame you?" He grins and I roll my eyes and his non-existent modesty "You know it's not just because you're in love with me...I think what happened with the Slytherins, how brave you were to fight them and everything that's happening now..." He trails off and pulls me closer "You're not a gentle dolphin anymore" He kisses me and my heart triples its normal rate, this reaction is much better than I was expecting eventually Sirius pulls away and we're both grinning at each other "Come on we'd better go back in, you need all the revision you can get" He beams, he's so rude but I can't help but smile at him and we go back into the class.


	26. DADA&MI5

It has arrived. My own personal hell, the substance of my nightmares, NEWT season is upon us. It's bloody horrific; my first exam is DADA in around two hours so everyone is currently attached to a book or doing wand motions and mouthing a list of spells. McGonagall has been trying to prepare me for this one because she knows how important joining the Order is to me and she wants to be really well prepared, I want to be really well prepared. At the moment I'm sitting next to Sirius and James, they're both flicking wands and whispering spells, I'm trying to focus on a book that McGonagall said would be very helpful and it has given me a lot of last minute inspiration.

"Are you nervous?" I say to Sirius, he doesn't hear me so I decide not to be annoying and go back to my book "So bored" I groan to myself.

"Focus Katherine" Sirius says, jeez selective hearing. I go back to my book but all I can see is giant 'Troll' covered report cards floating in front of me. I throw the book down impatiently.

"You alright Kate?" James asks cheerfully, who can be that happy before an exam? Nobody should be happy before and exam.

"Stressed" I sigh "I'm going to fail...I just want to pass, oh god I'm not going to pass, I'm gonna be sick, ok just breathe, it'll be over soon...why do we even have to do exams?" I cry and James looked at me slightly stunned by my monologue of exam despair.

"So you're well prepared then?" He laughs and goes back to his wand motions when Lily comes over.

"You look tense" She says as she sits opposite me and smiles "You'll be fine just remember as much as you can and don't get distracted, focus on the exam, I know you" She clears her throat, oh god here comes the impression "'Yes, curses and counter curses...hmm unicorns'" I glare at her very good impression, James and Sirius laugh so they get glared at too.

"Unicorns actually come up in History of Magic" I reply tartly. They do come up, briefly, in passing, once. But still they do come up in something.

"Yes but not in DADA which is what you're doing in an hour and a half" Lily replies; she's always bloody right. James gives me an 'I know what it's like' look and grins.

"As long as I get an O in History of Magic then nothing else matters" I say and Lily gives me a 'fair play' shrug.

"What is it you want to do as a career when you leave Hogwarts?" Lily smiles as she opens a text book "I know you're joining the Order, but as a career I mean" I've not told anybody my career idea before but hey now is as good a time as any.

"I was thinking MI5" I say slowly, James and Sirius give me a 'Fuck the what?' look but Lily who obviously knows what it is gives me a nod but she's frowning slightly "The muggle Prime Minister knows about Magic and that means key government officials will too so the head of MI5 will of definitely been informed and I want to work as a link between our two worlds, I can protect the muggle world better if I work with muggles, help, advise, support" I say getting passionate. Lily seems to understand more now and she gives an encouraging smile. Sirius is looking at me like I've just declared my undying love for Filch "What?" I smile at him confused.

"You want to work in the muggle government not your own government?" He says as if it doesn't make sense, it makes perfect sense to me.

"Yes, I'm going to know a hell of a lot more about it than they do, I can help them a lot so much more than I could in the Ministry of Magic" I say, are we really going to argue right now?

"I understand but we'll be completely separated...I'd feel much better if you stayed within our world, if MI5, which I'm assuming has a building of some sort?" I nod "If MI5 got attacked by Death Eaters you'd be the only one who could defend it, and you helping the muggle government would make you enemy number one and it would be easy for them to...it's folly Kate" He shakes his head slowly. Folly? My ambition is folly?

"I'll do what I like; I don't need your approval!" I snap; I know he says it out of concern but it's my choice. I need to protect the muggles; I have a duty to them "My whole family are muggles; I have to help them, why can't you see that!" I say desperately. He looks at me frustrated, we can never have a civil conversation, we always end up arguing, lion and lioness.

"I can see that but you can't see sense, you're putting yourself in danger unnecessarily" He says and I bet Lily and James are thinking can't they go one week without an argument, no is the answer to that.

"It's completely necessary!" I reply. I want to help the muggles and being the muggle government is the best way to do that, it would be so effective and I doubt Voldemort is going to casually pop in to the MI5 building and kill me. But I would be a very prominent target; I'm already a muggleborn which makes me a target anyway so why does it matter? I need to be in MI5, I don't want anyone to have to live in fear of these pathetic death eaters. If I was in MI5 I could be the link between our worlds and help defend the muggles. I need to do it; I'm going to do it. God, how the hell am I supposed to do an exam now?

"Well I think that sounds like a good idea and I understand, I want the muggles as protected as possible, you're so brave Kate" Lily smiles and I smile back, at least someone is on my side. Lils understands my need to protect my family as she feels the same about hers.

"It's not bravery, its stupidity" Sirius snaps and James gives him a warning look.

"Oh just piss off will you Sirius" I say angrily "Why can't you just agree with me for once or at least pretend to agree, you're so bloody difficult" I say and Sirius begins to chuckle, him laughing makes me laugh against my will and before I know it we're howling with laughter.

"They're as mad as each other" Lily says and James shrugs and looks at me and Sirius fondly.

"Look, I support MI5 and you working there, I just worry about you...it's very unsettling" He says and runs his hand through his hair copying James' signature gesture "And anyway if you fail DADA then you're not going to get a job cleaning The Hogs Head let alone MI5" He laughs and I shove him off his stool, he lies on the floor laughing and people in the common room look at him in a 'Oh it's just Sirius being a nutter' way and I love him for it. We all go back to work and it feels like five minutes have past when Lily goes.

"It's time to go to the hall" She says serenely and I don't know how she does it, I look at her in a 'Really?' way and she grins and it feels like my stomach has dropped to the dungeons.

"You'll be fine, remember...Hogs Head" Sirius winks to me and him and James walk ahead, god Sirius wants to be an Auror and I haven't even said good luck or you'll be fine, bugger. I run to catch him up and when I do I grab him and kiss him forcefully and anxiously.

"You're going to be the best Auror ever" I say and Sirius tilts his head and grins at me, he hugs me tightly and I bury my head in his neck. He releases me and carries on walking with James. I wait for Lily who looks like she's about to go for a sleepover at Honeydukes rather than an exam, although she's probably more prepared than the examiner. My heart is steady but I feel anxious, really anxious, incredibly anxious. We get to the hall and line up and everyone is silent, I see Remus and wave and he smiles but he looks as anxious as I feel, Peter waves and I wave slightly back...I don't like Peter as much as Remus and James but I don't know why. Jane gives me a smile and Emma mouths good luck to me. Eventually the hall doors open...and so it begins.


	27. Professor Lupin

"The exam in three words or less?" James says as we leave the hall, the group all think about it. Jane and Em have already left to go and dissect every question and I did not want to join in with that.

"Absolutely pissed it" Sirius grins cockily and I roll my eyes even though I usually find his confidence endearing.

"Predictable, fairly easy" Remus shrugs modestly and the others nod.

"Doable and predictable" Lily smiles seconding Remus.

"Easy and enjoyable" James smiles. ENJOYABLE? Who on Earth finds an exam enjoyable...why am I friends with these people? Peter is my last hope; he must have found it hard unless Remus helped him study which he probably did.

"It was okay" Peter smiles his milksop smile but I am thankful that he found it a little harder than the others. They all turn to me, hmm three words to describe that exam.

"Impossible, infuriating, failure" Yep, those three words pretty much sum it up. Sirius cocks his head to the side.

"Are you being modest?" He says slowly, I laugh, man I wish I was being modest.

"Not modest, honest" I say and they all give me a mixture of shocked and sympathetic stares, did they really find the exam that easy?

"Maybe you did better than you think" Lily smiles...maybe but probably not. I shrug and I can tell I'm bringing the others down.

"I have to go" I say rather bitterly and walk away from the group, I hear footsteps behind me but then James hisses something and they stop. I don't bother looking behind me. I don't want to their pity, it's my own fault for not revising and they shouldn't have to feel bad about that.

I've been walking around the school for an hour when I see a familiar figure at the end of the corridor, Henry. We're on amicable terms now and I feel relief when I see him and not Sirius or the others.

"On a walk?" He smiles and I nod and give a small smile in return "You alright?" He frowns, it seems like Henry is going back to how he was which is good. Pompous prick didn't really suit him.

"Just had an exam, it was hard...really hard" I say then realise that Henry constantly lectured me on exams and I've probably got another one coming up now.

"Well I'm on my way to the library, why don't you walk with me and tell me about it?" He says and his motives seem nice enough. I would like to talk to someone outside of my friendship circle. I nod and we begin walking towards the library.

"I didn't revise" I admit and Henry doesn't say anything, kindly "I did some last minute prep with McGonagall but none myself" I feel ashamed to say this, my friends kept warning me and I just ignored them which is absolutely ridiculous "The exam didn't go brilliantly, you were right about me Henry" I try to laugh but it's sounds wrong "I didn't take it seriously" I mumble and frown as we near the library.

"I was wrong, I never looked outside of grades, I never looked at what else makes a person and honestly Kate there's so much more to you than grades...I wish I had realised it sooner then maybe..." He trails off and I feel touched but also slightly awkward, we get to the library and walk in. It's pretty empty for exam season. He gets out his books and smiles at me "Study as much as you can" He smiles gently and opens his arms a fraction, for a hug? Ah what the hell, I smile back at him and embrace him; maybe we can be friends after all. I open my eyes and over Henry's shoulder I see Remus sitting at a desk looking at us his expression unreadable and when our gazes meet he goes back to his book. I pull away from Henry and give him a much more solid smile; he waves and disappears behind a bookshelf. Quietly as possible, I walk over to Remus and sit next to him, he looks at me for a second before giving me his usual soft smile.

"I see you and Henry are on good terms again" Remus says and I can't quite peg his tone. Angry, curious perhaps, surprised maybe.

"We've salvaged a friendship I think" I reply and Remus nods, I think he understood my emphasis on the word friendship.

"Kate, do you want me to help you study?" He says as he closes his book, oh no not the pity party. "Honestly I'm a decent tutor" I look at him unenthusiastically, I don't want to study, I want to go to my room and flop on my bed and eat. I suppose it would help to study though and Lupin is the best in class "You can have a bar of chocolate if you study for an hour" He smiles widely and I raise my eyebrows at his attitude, like I'm a kid but I can't help but smile back.

" If you're the one helping me shouldn't I give you chocolate?" I grin as he opens his book and puts it between us.

"Ok, you owe me one bar" He laughs gently as he flicks through the pages "Okay we'll start with page 394...this will definitely come up in the potions exam" He says and I kick myself into learning mode, something that doesn't happen very often.

"Okay Professor Lupin, let's crack on" I grin, _Professor Lupin_...hmm has quite a ring to it.

That night me and Remus get back to the common room at about 6 and Sirius, who is sitting by the fire, looks at me when I enter and unthinkingly I bound up him and practically flatten and crush him with a hug. He looks at me laughing but with raised eyebrows, I grin and untangle myself.

"I was an idiot earlier, I shouldn't take my crappy exams out on you" I smile and he tucks some hair behind my ear and grins.

"It's your own fault they're crappy" He says and I slap his chest, he laughs and looks at Remus who's sitting on the sofa "Was the library still as exciting as always Moony?" Sirius says and I remind myself to tell Sirius about Henry before he hears it from someone else and gets the wrong idea.

"Same as always...got a new student though" Remus nods to me and Sirius looks at me suppressing laughter but then he looks thoughtful.

"Why were you in library...you hate it there" He grins but unsurely, I look at Remus and he looks at me apologetically.

"Well-" Remus begins but I cut him off.

"I was with Henry" I say, that was blunter than I would of liked to of said it but oh well.

"Henry...your ex boyfriend, the one that kissed you...that Henry?" He says and I sense the building anger, I give the Remus the 'leave while you can' stare and he looks at me apologetically before walking away towards his dorm.

"We're just friends, I was on a walk and I met him and he said to walk with him to the library" I say exasperated, does Sirius really think we we're banging in the restricted section or something ridiculous like that?

"I don't doubt it but still it's him" He says and I understand where he's coming from. He moves to the sofa and I sit next to him and put my head on his chest. He doesn't move or say anything else and neither do I.

"Don't you think 'Professor Lupin' sounds cool?" I say eventually and Sirius laughs boomingly before kissing my hair, I close my eyes and drift off to a well needed sleep.


	28. The Misuse of the Marauders Map

'_So in conclusion he was not responsible for the Statute of Secrecy' _And it's over, my last exam is finished! History of Magic and I'm going to be unbearably cocky now but that was so easy, I could of done it in my sleep. Well I say that now, a couple of months before I get Troll on my result card. I look around the hall at the small amount of other students doing the exam, they're all Ravenclaws. I don't talk to them too much. I wonder if they know they're called the History Handitards, hopefully not.

"Your time is up, you may now exit the hall" Everyone gets up and methodically exits but I do a weird sort of dance walk out of the hall ending with a brilliant air pump. My exams are over, no more guilt over doing no revision. I start walking faster and faster until I'm practically sprinting to the common room.

"Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooo!" James and Sirius yell in unison as I enter the common room. Leaving the others looking a bit embarrassed, I laugh quietly and walk over to them.

"Exams are over!" Sirius laughs and gives me a crushing hug and lifts me off the ground, he puts me down and his eyes are glinting but I can't make out why exactly.

"Yeah, no more revision" I smile and Sirius gives me a sceptical look "Ok no more worrying about not doing revision" He grins at the amended statement "So do you want to go celebrate tonight?" I ask and Sirius' face falls, what have I said? He turns to James who is looking at me.

"What?" Says James and runs his hand through his hair "Umm, yeah, no celebrating tonight" James laughs half heartedly and looks to Remus, who looks as clueless as the other two. What is going on?

"Why?" I say unsurely. Lils, Jane and Em look beyond baffled at this point.

"Why?" James repeats "Why..." He trails off, have I put him on the spot here or something? "Because we are already going out" He says triumphantly "Just the Marauders" He says, oh, right...why didn't he just say that in the first place? Is it to do with Remus, I look at Remus and he shakes his head. "So yeah...we should go" James says and I can see this might be more James' issue than Sirius'. James leaves the common room with Peter and Remus next to him. Sirius lingers for a moment and mouths something like 'explain later' and disappears with the others.

"That was..." I trail off as we all stare at the portrait hole.

"Weird" Lily finishes.

"Very..." Jane mumbles.

"Weird" Em says and we all look at each other, there's something going on there and I want to find out what "Whatever, me and Jane are going to bed...you staying up for a bit?" She says and I nod "Can I have some of your Honeydukes fudge?" I nod again and Jane and Em depart. Leaving me and Lils to plot.

"I think we should follow them" I say bluntly expecting Lils to be the less crazy of the two of us and disagree.

"Ok" She says and my mouth hangs open for a couple of seconds until I collect myself. Right.

"I assume you know about the map?" I ask and she nods "They weren't wearing their robes so they won't have it on them which means it's in their room" I say slightly worried at how sly I've suddenly become.

"They normally keep it in Remus' draw, it would get lost in the mess if it was in any of the others" Lily laughs and we dash towards their dorm hoping none of the other Gryffindors spotted us.

"Ah ha" Lily says as she gets the map out of Remus' draw, she opens it up and we both scan for the four names eventually we spot them standing/sitting by the lake...that is the infamous Marauders brilliant night out, let down. "Weird" Lily says and puts the map on Remus' bed and goes over to James' bed, she goes into his trunk by his bed pulls out a compartment and a strange silvery cloak. She puts it on and disappears, oh my lord it's an invisibility cloak. James has an invisibility cloak! Which we're about to steal to spy on people who we're supposed to trust above all others, totally makes sense. Lily wraps it over me and takes the map and we leave the room and head towards the black lake. But as we get near it I have a revelation.

When I said about celebrating Sirius looked to James for conformation, James is the one who seemed nervous and edgy. Not Sirius. And Sirius said he'd explain later which means he is not hiding anything but James might be and he needs the Marauders, just the Marauders. Which means it's probably about Lily, and me and Lily are about to find out...but what if it's a surprise. What if it's something good and she's about to find out? Oh god we're nearly there...I can see a large black mass by the lake, that must be them. Think Kate, think. I get my wand out subtly and pretend to fall causing an echoing thud, I then shoot red sparks from my wand into the air.

"Kate!" Lily hisses looking at me as I sprawl on the grass "What are you doing? Do you want them to know we're here?" Yes. Yes I do.

"No" I say earnestly and put my want back in my robes and I notice the black mass has split and is moving towards us. Yay, actually no not yay, they're going to know we were following them "Lily, the cloak" I hiss and Lily pulls me to my feet and throws the cloak over us. The Marauders walk towards us slowly, they look around the spot we we're standing moment before. Sirius sniffs and frowns before quickly changing into his dog form when he starts sniffing more animatedly, looks straight at the place me and Lily are standing like he can see us then changes back.

"Who was it?" Peter mutters nervously, I roll my eyes at him but I don't really know why.

"Lily" Sirius says and James looks like he's just been told he has to marry Moaning Myrtle "And Katherine" Oh great, out comes the full name. Lily sighs and pulls the cloak off of us, throwing away our opportunity to run.

"What-are-you-doing?" James says slowly with constrained anger.

"Nothing" I reply quickly, Lily gives me a 'let me do the talking' look. I'm only too happy to oblige.

"Why are you here?" James persists, oh crap. Come on Lils, get us out of this.

"Slytherins" Lily says and looks at me sympathetically, what is she doing? I decide to play along and look at the ground with a mixture of hurt and embarrassment.

"Slytherins...what have they done?" Sirius growls and takes my hand; I look at him speechless partly because it still surprises me that he's so loving and partly because I actually have no bloody clue what I'm supposed to say.

"Nothing" Lily says quickly and Sirius looks at her "Kate was thinking about taking them out of detainment" As if that would ever happen, will the guys even buy that? "She said she needed to come to the place where she duelled them to think about it objectively" Lily says, oh yeah this is near where I duelled them, she's brilliant at this. God my story would of been like 'Oh, we just decided to come for a walk two minutes after you left, to the exact same place and we brought your invisibility cloak as well...all by chance of course'. I'm so glad Lils is handling this. "We we're just leaving when Kate fell and shot sparks out of her wand, then you came and began this inquisition!" Lily snaps, turning the tables on them. Remus looks at me and I think he knows we're lying but he doesn't say anything. A long silence ensues.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT LETTING THE SLYTHERINS OUT OF DETAINMENT?" Sirius suddenly shouts reverberating around the grounds; I give Lily a sarcastic 'thank you' look.

"I just..." Oh crap. Come on Kate, for god sake! Umm...see this is why I'm not in Ravenclaw. My brain often fails me.

"They nearly killed you" Peter adds in helpfully, thank you Peter.

"Yes...they did, I was just having a moment of weakness and I'm over it now so me and Lils are gonna head back" I smile hoping that they'll just let us off the hook.

"No...I'm not sure I'm buying this" James says slowly and looks at me, I'm so bad at lying its unbelievable...literally.

"Why, look it took Kate a lot of courage to think about this" Lily snaps, James looks torn.

"I know but Kate, why did you need to think about this...it doesn't seem like you" He says and I squirm internally.

"It's just I've forgiven Henry and it's just made things much easier and I was thinking maybe the same principle would work with the Slytherins" I say and I don't think about enough to betray the fact I'm lying.

"And the invisibility cloak?" James says taking it from Lily's hand and glaring at us.

"Unlike you we actually care about the possibility of getting caught" Lily says, I don't care too much about getting caught but hey why not add another lie into the mix? Sirius looks at me and I can tell he's thinking something.

"Prongs...just leave it, they're telling the truth" Sirius sighs, what? He actually believes us.

"Right, well then...I suppose we'll just go back to the castle" James says and begins striding away, I put my hand out for the map and Lily gives it to me. I tuck it in my robes and walk with her back to the castle. When we get in James, Peter and Remus go straight to their dorm without a word; Lily looks pretty surprised by this and storms away to the girls dormitories. Leaving me and Sirius alone.

"Why did you follow us and how much did you hear?" Bugger.


	29. A Future With Mr Black

"What are you talking about?" I say turning away from him and looking at the fire, he moves in front of me and blocks my view.

"Lily can lie, far too well actually but I can tell when you're lying...so answer my question, why were you following us and what did you hear?" He says and I look up at him and his gaze is penetrating and icy, I look back at him and decide to go with honesty because as he said, he can tell when I'm lying.

"Ok...well we knew you we're all acting sneaky so we took the map-" I pause to get the map out of my robes and hand it to Sirius, he grins and looks amused "And the cloak and decided to follow you to find out what was going on but as we got near where you were I realised it was James acting sneaky and I thought maybe it was something to do with Lily and I realised she was about to hear it if it was about her so I fell on the floor and shot red sparks out my wand to alert you of our presence and then you found us, Lily said I was there to think about Slytherins, blah, blah, blah and here we are" I say gesturing to ourselves and the empty common room. He looks at me intensely and then nods and slumps on the sofa, I sigh with relief and do the same.

"So you didn't hear anything?" He says and I shake my head, Sirius closes his eyes and I can tell he thinks we've finished the conversation. Well, I've been honest so now he needs to as well.

"So was I right?" I smile and Sirius opens one eye, he then closes it and frowns. A minute passes and he sits up straight and looks at me.

"About what?" He says and raises an eyebrow at me, I smile my knowing smile "Stop smiling like that, it's freaking me out" He chuckles and I stop my knowing/creepy smile.

"Was I right about James wanting to talk about Lily?" I say and Sirius gives me a 'don't put me in this position' warning glare. No way are you getting out of this Black "Come on Black, give it up" I say and he grins "I won't tell any of the girls, especially Lily, I swear" I persists and I can tell he's yielding.

"Solemnly swear?" He says and I nod eagerly, he sighs and then takes a deep breath "James was talking about Lily" He says and he looks hesitant again.

"And?" I push as we sit opposite each other on the sofa both of us with our legs crossed, well Sirius' are sort of sprawled but close enough.

"Kate, I'm not suppose to tell anyone...it's a Marauders thing" He says and I know I should respect his privacy but I can't.

"Well it can be a Marauder _and_ Kate thing" I say and I can tell he's getting exasperated "Don't you trust me?" I smile, meaning it lightly but he looks at me like I've just insulted him.

"Of course I trust you" He says earnestly and there's a pause "Please don't make me regret that" He says, what does that mean? Is he going to tell me? "James wants to propose to Lily" He whispers and it takes a second to sink in. James wants to propose to Lily! This is so exciting, oh my god, JAMES IS GOING TO PROPOSE TO LILY! "Kate!" Sirius warns "You can't tell anyone" He says again and I nod in agreement before doing a lame air punch which Sirius laughs at but I can tell he's excited too.

"This is so exciting, when's he going to do it" I say my head filled with visions of their wedding.

"He's not sure, he's still thinking about, we were talking about it when you barged in" He grins and I ignore his insult. I'm sure it's a huge thing to think about, I wonder if it's made Sirius think about it...probably not.

"Well Lily thinks he's keeping a secret" I say and Sirius looks at me like I'm stupid.

"He is keeping a secret...he's proposing" Sirius says slowly as if I've just forgotten our whole conversation. I know I'm not exactly a Ravenclaw but I'm not that slow.

"I know that but Lily doesn't, she thinks he's hiding something" I say and Sirius rearranges himself so his head is on my lap, he looks at me and smiles at me like he's thinking about something.

"Every couple has secrets I suppose" He says simply before closing his eyes. Do they? Do we?

"Do we have secrets?" I say my voice sounding concerned; Sirius opens his eyes as if trying to gauge my emotions "Do you have secrets from me?" I say a bit more causally this time.

"I don't know, I suppose everyone has a secret" He says cheerfully and looks at me "Go on, tell me a secret" This boy is so weird, I don't have any secrets, well I have something I haven't told him but it's not a secret. Is it a secret if you don't tell someone something unintentionally?

"I have a muggle driving license" I say and Sirius looks at me excitedly, why is that exciting?

"So you can drive a car?" He grins "Can you take me on drive, ROAD TRIP!" He shouts loudly probably waking up the whole of Gryffindor Tower. He looks thoroughly excited.

"Can't you just go on a road trip on your motorbike?" I laugh.

"As great as my bike is, I don't think we could take luggage on it or sleep on it and it gets very uncomfortable after a few hours" He says and I'm trying to imagine this road trip.

"Ok, we can go in my car" I say and Sirius grins happily, he always gets his own way "Now tell me a secret about yourself" I say.

"Which one?" He winks and push him, a little too hard as he falls off the sofa. He looks at me very angrily and launches a very unfriendly tickle attack, I am crying in laughter/pain when he finally subsides and sits back on the sofa. I hate being tickled. "Okay, a secret" He sighs "I actually like my name" He says and my eyes widen in surprise and he holds his hands out "Not the Black part" He says and gags which makes me laugh "You can't laugh, it'll be your last name one day as well" I stop laughing. Am I imaging this? Did he really just say that?

"What's this, Sirius Black actually talking about commitment?" I mock and he throws a pillow at me.

"You don't think about it?" He says, wow this has gotten quite serious very quickly.

"Yeah, I just didn't think you did" I say honestly and he cocks his head to the side.

"Well I do, when you were attacked by those Slytherins, I realised I can't imagine a future without you in it" He says, who are you and what have you done with Sirius Black? I don't realise I'm crying until I taste the salty water on my lips.

"Oh god, is the idea that terrible it makes you cry?" He laughs and I grin at him.

"It's bearable I suppose" I smile "So you think about it...all of it?" I say and he looks at me in a kind of 'what are you getting' at way. What if he hasn't thought about it? What if I'm about to make a completely cock of myself?

"Spit it out Winslow" He laughs but I can tell he's very curious. Gryffindor mindset, come on Kate.

"Children" I blurt and Sirius' eyes widen, oh bloody hell. I look at the rug completely mortified.

"Oh...yeah!" I look back and he has a huge grin on his face "I think we should have like a whole bunch...all Gryffindors of course" He winks, of course.

"How many is a whole bunch?" I smile and Sirius looks thoughtful for a second.

"Hmm ten should do" He grins at me and I shake my head "Nine?" No! "Eight?" Nope "Seven?" No "Six?" Hmm, no "Five, come on I've halved it!" He says exasperated and I can't help but laugh "You haven't said no to five...is that yes?" He grins, I shrug "Five it is, we'll have to get cracking on that" He grins "Kate I have something to ask you" He says smiling a little.

"Ok...as long as it's not will you marry me" I laugh and he grins at me.

"No, it's not, not yet at least" He grins and plays absently with my hand.

"Well come on, spit it out Black" I say and he rolls his eyes and begins talking.

"Graduation is coming up" Well done Sirius "And I have a flat" Yes you do "And you live with your parents" Yep... "But when we graduate I was wondering if maybe you might not want to live with your parents...and live with me instead?" I practically jump on him in answer to his question, this night really has gone differently to how I was expecting.

"Of course i'll live with you" I smile and he laughs in relief.

"I warn you the Marauders are in and out all the time, James and Remus stay over a lot and Peter's parents aren't my biggest fans so he doesn't stay over as much" Oh, what a pity...hmm, why don't I like Peter? I really should make an effort with that, Sirius loves him.

"That's great I love Remus and James" I say and Sirius grins but then he frowns when he realises I've missed Peter of the list.

"And Pete?" He prompts; I look at the fire and think how I can get out of this without lying "Kate, you like Pete don't you?"

"Any friend of yours is a friend of mine" I say cryptically and he gives me an unsure smile "I think we should get to bed" I say, I am actually pretty tired.

"Sure, do you want to sleep in my room tonight?" Sirius asks and I almost sigh with relief that he's let the Peter thing go. I nod and follow Sirius to bed thinking about how mad this day has been, mad but brilliant. I suppose that's what life with Sirius will be like as well; at least I hope that's what it's like.


	30. Graduation written with IsyCat

The sun is streaming right across my face and despite my attempt to block it out with Sirius' pillow, it inevitably wakes me. When I look around I realise Sirius is gone and James and Peter and...Oh Remus is here and he is sitting on his bed laughing at me.

"What?" I grumble still feeling tired.

"Nothing, you're just funny when you wake up" He laughs and takes a bite of chocolate "Chocolate?" He offers holding out a bar of dark chocolate.

"Chocolate? What time is it Remus?" I ask getting out of the bed and smoothing my shirt.

"About 12" Remus shrugs.

"Oh crikey" I say surprised that even I managed to sleep that late, I go and sit next to Remus on his bed and take him up on his offer of chocolate "Did you know we were lying last night?" I say casually.

"Yes but I knew better than to say so, Sirius told me all about why you followed us by the way and that you're moving in, congratulations" He smiles and I smile shyly back. Nice of Sirius to ask my permission to tell people but I know Sirius will never ask permission nor will he keep anything from the Marauders "Is it still alright for me to stay round?" He says and he seems genuinely concerned.

"Why would you even ask that? You can stay round everyday if you want to Remus, I don't think Sirius will appreciate me turning his flat into a lovey dovey couples hideaway" I laugh and Remus smiles.

"Thanks Kate but when you have a family-" He cuts off immediately and looks away sheepishly.

"Sirius told you about that too then" I laugh and Remus shrugs apologetically "I don't think we'll be starting on that for a bit, we all need to get jobs first" I nudge him and looks sad, really sad "Remus...what's wrong?" I ask panicked and he looks at me and smiles a little.

"People like me...don't get employed Kate" He says and looks at me like I'm missing something very obvious, what he can't get a job because he's a werewolf? Is the Ministry that stupid, what a load of bollocks.

"People who are lovely, loyal, brave, incredibly smart, they don't get employed?" I say feeling angry on his behalf.

"Werewolves...we're 'volatile' and 'unreliable' apparently, sure somebody can employ me but I have to tell any employer about my condition and nobody wants a werewolf to work for them" He sighs "It just won't happen" I want to cry, I'm probably going to cry actually. Why wouldn't somebody want Remus, he's wonderful.

"But how will you live?" I say unsurely "You can live with us if you need to" I offer and he smiles softly.

"I live with my parents at the moment, they're very supportive but they don't really have the money to look after them and me, James has actually given me money" He says as if he's disgusted with himself "He said if I didn't take it then he was just going to spend it all on useless stuff at Diagon Alley so I took it and it's actually really helping, Sirius says anything I need at anytime he'll give me it, you and Lily are just so wonderfully supportive and Peter well he doesn't judge me and doesn't pity me...I'm so lucky I have friends like you" He says and eats the last square of chocolate before getting off his bed "I have to go now, we have to get everything ready for the graduation ceremony" He smiles "You can stay here if you want" He says and leaves, what does he mean by everything? Oh bloody hell, here we go. Everybody will just remember the assembly as Marauder Mayhem; the thought makes me incredibly happy. I have no plans for today, maybe i'll go see McGonagall, she did say to go and see her after exams and discuss the future, actually it's a perfect opportunity tell her about MI5.

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Holy hell. It is here, graduation, my last day at Hogwarts has arrived. Seven years, seven very varied years and here I am at the very end although in a way it's just the beginning. I sit in the common room staring at the wall, people come and say bye to me, some of them friends, some of them just Gryffindors wishing me luck. I don't feel as emotional as I thought I would, I know that the people who mean something to me will stay with me past the end of Hogwarts. I'm playing with my tie thinking about how this is the last time i'll wear it when I feel someone sit on the sofa next to me. I turn to see Lily; she sighs when she looks and me and looks very emotional.

"So this is it" She says and I know we're thinking the same thing. We're adults now and we are no longer protected by Hogwarts, Voldemort and the Death Eaters, they're our issue now. We'll have to fight them; the thought makes me feel kind of numb with mixed emotions.

"This is it" I smile softly "The start" I say and Lily beams at me "The start of it all" I mutter, it is the start of it all for us, the start of the war, the start of the Order, the start of living with Sirius, the start of a career in MI5. Which reminds me, McGonagall supported my decision to join MI5-the main military intelligence division of the British Government as a link between the muggle and magical world. She says she needs to talk to Dumbledore about it and he has to approve it as does the Ministry but it shouldn't be an issue really. I look at my watch and realise it's time for the assembly, Jane and Em join us at the portrait hole and our eyes are all shining with tears and unspoken words.

Lily, Jane, Em and I link hands as we walk down to the Great Hall for the last time. None of us speak, but no words are needed.

I am taken back to the first time I ever walked down these halls as a nervous 1st year who had just been sorted into Gryffindor. Equally as terrified as I was excited, I couldn't wait to begin my time at Hogwarts. It was so strange to think that it was over now.

We entered the Great Hall and took our seats together with the rest of our year, although the Marauders didn't appear to have arrived yet. I wondered what they were planning, surely they wouldn't be able to resist one last prank?

The Hall had been decorated with banners which had the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin Emblems on them and the usual tables which we had eaten at for the past seven years had been removed and replaced with rows of chairs placed in front of the podium. The ceiling was sunny and blue, which reflects the lovely day outside, although for some reason it seems brighter and better than usual. It makes me wonder if perhaps the enchantment is responding to the occasion.

"I wonder where the Marauders are," Lily whispered to me, breaking my observations "do you have any idea what they're planning?"

"Not really, although I bet it'll be pretty impressive, they'll want to say goodbye in style." I reply and Lily nods in agreement.

At this point, almost all the chairs are full, but still there's no sign of Sirius or any of the others.

Then, something catches my eye, a familiar looking messy black head pokes up from underneath one of the few free chairs near the back. James catches my eye and subtly brings his finger to lips in a motion of silence, before pointing at the back of Snape's head and grinning excitedly. I narrow my eyes at James, unfortunately Snape sees and glares suspiciously at me before sending a quick, but nevertheless longing, glance towards Lily (who is currently chatting to Jane and seems oblivious to the whole thing). I roll my eyes, hasn't he gotten over her yet?

I turn to face the front. Whatever the Marauders are planning I bet it involves humiliating Slytherin (or, more importantly, Snape) in some way.

BANG! The whole hall looks to see where the noise came from, some even jump at the loud sound.

The Slytherins have been turned completely red and gold all over, even their skin is a luminous red colour and their hair is a glittery gold. Snape has clearly got the worst of all though, his nose has been elongated and looks even more beak-like than usual and, on his front, there are the words 'I Love Gryffindor' written in gold ink to match his hair.

Snape snarls "POTTER! BLACK! I will kill yo-"

But his voice was drowned out by the bright fireworks which suddenly erupted, seemingly from nowhere, in the ceiling above us. They had somehow been charmed so that they showed up, even against the clear blue sky.

We all watched in wonder as the fireworks exploded harmlessly above us, creating amazing patterns and shapes, before finally ending with the shimmering message 'Mischief Managed'.

Rapturous applause broke out throughout the hall as everyone who wasn't a Slytherin cheered the great show.

"Thank you, thank you for that fabulous display," Dumbledore stepped up to the podium and the clapping gradually petered out. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter emerged from their separate hiding places, took a bow and then went to find their seats.

"Another year over, another graduation to celebrate," Dumbledore began "it seems only yesterday that I was welcoming you to Hogwarts for the first time, and yet, here I am now, standing in front of you all as you leave to face the real world. I wish you every chance of success and good will, although a word of caution." Dumbledore's light-hearted tone took on a more serious edge "This is a time of war and therefore I must ask you to be careful, do not expect Lord Voldemort" there was a startled gasp at the mention of the name but Dumbledore appeared to ignore it and continued "to spare you, you must not be complacent and remember, make sure you know who your true friends are." His piercing blue eyes drove the severity of the message home before they quickly changed to a happy twinkling blue. "I do not wish to take anymore of your time so I will leave you with this- Enjoy life, live it to the full and don't forget to take the memories and friends that you made at Hogwarts with you. Congratulations!"

Suddenly everyone seemed to realise that this was it. We were leaving Hogwarts and not returning. Cheers and clapping broke out as everyone stood up and went around hugging each other and promising to keep in touch.

Jane, Em, Lily and I all joined together and we hugged each other, tears streaming down our faces.

"Thank you for the most amazing seven years," Jane said through her tears "I love you guys."

"We love you too Jane," Em replied for us.

I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind and turned to see Sirius grinning from ear to ear at me. "What did you think?" he asked, referring to the prank/ fireworks show.

"I thought it was brilliant!" I told him truthfully "How on earth did you manage to do the writing in fireworks?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you, Marauder's secret." Sirius smirked, looking very pleased with himself. "Do you want to take one last walk around the grounds before we leave?"

"Alright, "I agreed and strangely I don't feel sad at all, I feel excited. This is the start of my life in the Order, my life at MI5, my life with Sirius Black. And it's going to be bloody fantastic.


	31. Have You Ever?

"HEY!" James yells as he jumps in front of me and Sirius making me nearly go into cardiac arrest. Sirius laughs as he launches himself at James and they tumble dangerously close to the lake.

"Sorry...James thought it would be funny" Lily rolls her eyes as she sits next to me and we watch the boys roll around on the wet pebbles.

"James thinks funny is a synonym for annoying" Remus chuckles as he sits on my other side.

"I think he knows he's annoying, that's why it's funny" Jane smiles as she sits in front of me.

"Yeah...it's so funny" Emma laughs as she sits next to Jane.

"Hey James is funny!" Peter calls as he walks over to James and Sirius, did he have to come? Really? I turn my head and see Remus looking at me and frowning, he looks over to Peter. He's figured it out; he knows I don't like Peter. I shake my head at Remus to tell him that nobody can know and Remus nods once and smiles just as Sirius and James rejoin the group.

"So time to crack out the Firewhisky me thinks" James grins "Right, Pads?" He says as him and Sirius start laughing. I look out towards the setting sun as it disperses across the lake; yeah I suppose it is an acceptable time for Firewhisky. "Let's play I have never!" James yells like this is the best idea ever.

"I HAVE NEVER IS THE BEST!" Sirius yells like he's already drunk a whole bottle of Firewhisky. James conjures eight tall shot glasses in front of each of us fills them with the amber liquid.

"So you all know how to play, someone might say 'I have never hugged a tree' and if you have hugged a tree then you drink" James smiles and there is a keen sense of anticipation in the air "I'll start, I have never had a crush on a Professor" James says and everyone thinks for a second. Then Emma drinks, Sirius drinks and Peter drinks. Have they been going to a different school?

"I have never pranked anyone" Emma says and the Marauders give her a death glare and proceeded to drink about four shots each. Me and Lily drink one because we once tried to play a prank on James in fifth year, didn't work. Did not work, at all.

"I've never kissed Remus Lupin" James smiles knowingly at Sirius and the group laughs. Remus looks at me, did he tell them about that? It was one awkward kiss in 4th year. And then me and Sirius drink at exactly the same time and everyone stops laughing apart from Peter who is pretty out of it now. Sirius looks at me curiously; I give the same look back to him.

"The end of 4th year, drunken dare, was pretty good though Moony" Sirius chuckles and winks at Remus and Remus laughs "And you?" Sirius says and everyone looks at me.

"Christmas, 4th year, awkward meeting under the mistletoe" I smile and Remus laughs "Was pretty good though Moony" I wink imitating Sirius' comment which makes Sirius laugh. Crisis averted.

"So you've kissed them both" James says thoughtfully "Who's better?" He laughs and I laugh too in a hope to avoid the question and luckily it works.

"I've never kissed a Slytherin" Peter says, is kissing becoming the theme of this game? Remus, James, Jane and I drink. Mine was at the end of 4th year with a guy who was quite nice for a Slytherin, it was at a party and it just happened really. We abandon the game and just end up drinking, Peter is asleep on the grass and Jane and Em have gone back to the dorm. James is of with Sirius hopefully discussing the proposal. Lily is wandering round the edge of the trees and I'm sitting with Remus who is staring thoughtfully at the moon which is not even half full yet.

"You've got a bit of time before you need to worry about that" I say as I nudge Remus, he looks at me and smiles but I know he's not going to listen.

"We're on our own now in the big wide world" Remus says as his eyes watch the shimmering lake.

"We're not on our own, we have each other, we always will" I say and Remus nods, he's become like a brother to me and what hurts him now hurts me.

"It's all going to change now Kate" Remus says softly. I hear a rustle and James and Sirius emerge from the trees. Mine and Sirius' eyes lock and he beams at me and I reflect his expression. I'm ready for everything to change as long as the people I love stay the same.


	32. A Very Potter Wedding

**AN: I am so sorry that I'm not uploading much lately, A Levels are crazy but i'll try and post more **** Hope this chapter makes up for lack of posting**

Summer has gone by in a flash. Literally I left Hogwarts and now somehow it's the start of September. What the hell happened? Well actually I can tell you exactly what happened, I had the greatest summer ever. James proposed to Lily on the train ride back to Kings Cross, she said yes of course and it was bloody brilliant, we all got drunk again that night despite still being hideously hung over. I went back to Durham to pack up and get ready to move down to London with Sirius and got to spend some really good quality time with my parents. I moved to London to live with Mr. Black, got a visit from Dumbledore to talk about MI5 and the Order. Got a job at MI5 as a consultant and correspondent, Sirius started Auror training. Lupin sleeps over now and again which me and Sirius love, Remus is struggling to find a job. He's getting muggle work mostly but he refuses to make a case to the Ministry. Me and Sirius went on a road trip! Granted it was to Dorset but still a road trip is a road trip and we didn't get out of the hotel much anyway. Lily and James have the nicest cottage ever, it's so quaint. Me, Sirius and Remus spend way too much time there. Emma moved to France, it was all very sudden, I think she said something about safety? Anyway Jane is still here, I don't see her too much, she's kind of gone her own way but I write a letter now and again. Peter is with Lily and James more than me and Sirius which is great because I don't want him in my home more than absolutely necessary. Sirius has been showing me all his favourite places to go in London which has been exciting, interesting and sometimes mentally scarring, oh and I've seen my sister a couple of times which has been nice. Anyway that's pretty much it. It's Octoberber now and getting really close to Lily and James' wedding. It's ridiculously exciting.

**/./././.**

"Go!" Lily tries to be stern but she's smiling like a fool as she pushes James out of the door. James leans forward for a kiss but Sirius pulls his arm and James stumbles from the door.

"For fuck sake Prongs, you'll see her tomorrow" Sirius laughs as the walk off to meet Remus and Peter who are standing by the gate.

"I love you Lily Potter!" James yells as he walks away.

"It's Evans until tomorrow!" She yells back and I hear the boys distant laughter, Lily turns to me and shuts the cottage door "So how do we top a Marauders stag night...literally" She smiles but I doubt the boys will be running around in their animal forms, Sirius does sometimes do it when he's drunk though, it's funny until he starts peeing against table legs.

"We're meeting Alice at the pub in the next village, shall we go" I grin and Lily nods, we join arms and apparate to The Red Lion-how appropriate for three Gryffindors.

"Alice!" I smile and give her a hug as we walk into the pub, Lily does the same and we quickly find a table "So how are you and Frank?" I say as a waitress brings over three wines. I forgot how much I liked Alice, she'd joined the Order too so naturally we all spent a lot of time with each other.

"Frank is Frank; I bet any relationship is dull compared to one with Potter or Black though" She laughed and I took a hearty sip of wine as I thought about what it's like to be Sirius Black's girlfriend.

"Well James has grown up a bit thankfully but I don't think nights in front of the telly in our slippers will be on the agenda any time soon" Lily smiles "Not when he's got his brother" Lily grinned referring to Sirius, James was an only child but him and Sirius were brothers not by blood but by bond.

"And is Sirius still the wild child after leaving Hogwarts, he certainly seems very focused when we have Order meetings" Alice smiles and I consider how 'wild child' Sirius has been lately.

"When it comes to Auror training and the Order he is focused because it's so important to him but he's still Sirius, a loose cannon" Me and Lily laugh and Alice gives a small chuckle but I can tell she's not saying something, I look at her quizzically.

"Being a loose cannon was great at Hogwarts, he was the spontaneous, brilliant, live in the moment guy that everyone loved but we're in the real world and the real world right now is dangerous and unpredictable so do you really want someone spontaneous who has a reputation as a risk taker?" Alice said thoughtfully. Sure Sirius is the type of guy you can't tie down but I know he cares for the ones he loves more than anything and once he is committed to someone or something he sees it through until the end.

"He's the only person I could ever love, he means more to me than words can say" I say and the girls look at me understandingly and smile "Anyway back to Potter" I say just as two guys approach the table, they look burly like rugby players.

"Ladies can we buy you a drink?" The larger of the two says, we all giggle a bit and try to telepathically decide who is going to talk.

"My two friends have boyfriends and I'm getting married tomorrow" Lily grins charmingly and the guys look disheartened but still friendly so Lily being Lily offers for them to join us. They turn out to be really interesting and we all have a laugh, they ask a few questions about our boyfriends and in Lily's case fiancée. Being muggle born me and Lily are brilliant at talking about our families, their jobs even our 'school'.

"Good luck Lily and to James, he's a very lucky man and from the sounds of it you'll be very happy even when you're old and grey" Ben says "Bye Alice and Kate, you keep that boyfriend of yours in check" Ben winks and goes back to his own table, his friend Tony repeats his sentiments and follows Ben. We all finish our wines and decide to head back, its gone midnight and Lily needs to look her best tomorrow although Lily being Lily she could roll out of bed and look better than everyone there (Sirius aside).

"Kate wake up, it's nine" Lily calls her face inches from mine, once she sees I'm awake her face disappears. My head throbs a little but subsides as soon as I'm up and having a coffee. Lily flits in and out as does Alice and as soon as I'm finished I join in the mad parade.

"Kate, get hold of Sirius and check James is alive please" She smiles as she walks out of the bathroom where I am steaming her dress. I leave the dress to air and go to the phone to call mine and Sirius' flat, I taught him how to use the phone over the summer but he already had an idea so it didn't take that long. I pick up and hear Sirius' husky voice that he has when he's just woken up oh and Peter's pig snoring in the background.

"You have reached Messers Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and the soon to be Mrs. Prongs" Sirius laughs and then I hear him and James talking quickly "Who be this?" Sirius adds on.

"Who do you think?" I roll my eyes and can't help but smile, it's hard to do anything but smile when I talk to Sirius "Just checking Mrs. Prongs will be showing up today" I hear Sirius chuckle down the crackling line.

"I'm best man, do you not think I'm taking my duties seriously Miss. Winslow?" Sirius says playfully.

"There's nobody more Sirius than you Mr. Black" I say back and he laughs at the overused pun.

"So original Katherine, I should probably go now but I will see you this evening, save a dance for me" He says and I hear James laugh, probably another inside joke and then Sirius hangs up. Well James is alive and intending to show up so we're set. Lily walks into the room and looks at me exasperated even though she asked me to make that call.

"Kate" Lily says as she enters the room "Can you confirm the church is set and ready, the reception is at James' parents house so that'll be sorted but maybe we should call Mrs. Potter, I don't know I just feel like a cup of tea and a sit down" Lily sighs and sits against the window frame. This is a weird time for a wedding and I know Lily's thinking of a hundred different things right now.

"Ok i'll make you a cup of tea and then i'll call the church and Mrs. Potter and confirm everything" I say and Lily smiles and sighs, I could not plan a wedding and I doubt Sirius would either unless I wanted to get married whilst bungee jumping into the Grand Canyon. He'd probably let Wormtail plan it, Christ no. The hours roll on in a mixture of phone calls, pacing and laughter until it's finally time to get Lily ready.

"You look beautiful Kate" Lily smiles as she looks at my reflection in the mirror; I smile back at her and smooth her white dress which is simplistic and graceful. Her ginger hair hangs in loose waves down her back and her green eyes shimmer with excitement.

"Not a fifth of how beautiful you look right now" I say and she turns around and hugs me and I know it's not for the compliment.

"I'm marrying James Potter...it's strange how so much has happened over these past couple of years think how different things might be in another two years, me and James will be twenty, you and James will be twenty one" Lily says as if the fact were actually ageing is something she'd only just realised. Me and Sirius turned nineteen in October, we celebrated it with a night down the pub and I remember is me hugging Pettigrew-I was that drunk.

"And things will be brilliant" I say, that could be a blatant lie, Voldemort might be Minister of Magic in two years and we'll all be being crucio'd by Rowle, Malfoy and Lestrange. Eugh. Anyway Lily goes along with my mindless optimism and agrees.

"You ready Lils?" Alice, Lily's other bridesmaid says as she sticks her head in the door and gasps at how beautiful Lily looks. Lily nods and we realise it's time, Lily Evans is about to become Lily Potter.

"Winslow, am I most dashing groom you've ever seen?" James winks as he puts his head between me and Sirius as we sit at one of the tables in Mrs. Potters sprawling garden for the reception, it's cold but there's multi coloured lanterns hovering around the garden and at the front of the garden on the patio there's a small bonfire, a folk band play at the start of the tables ready to be replaced by a swing/jazz band in an hour or so. Sirius licks his cheek and James backs away disgusted but quickly begins laughing heartily "I'm a married man now Pads" James laughs and says something about the best man speech before pulling him away. I scan the garden for Remus and see him standing awkwardly next to a middle aged woman who is blatantly flirting with him; Remus is too polite for his own good sometimes. I wander over and smile at the woman who draws her own conclusions and mutters something before striding off to find some other young man.

"Kate" He smiles, his blue eyes shining in the glow of the lantern next to him "You look nice" He says and laughs at his lame wording.

"Not too shabby yourself Remus" I grin back.

"What did you think of the wedding?" Remus smiles as he looks out towards the darkening sky and the rising mind, I squeeze his hand and he looks back to me and smiles softly.

"Brilliant, the vows were amazing; I didn't know James had it in him but when Sirius jumped in when the vicar asked if there were lawful impediments..." I trail off laughing as does Remus.

"I don't think 'she was friends with Snivellus' is technically a lawful impediment" He grins and his eyes glance awkwardly at me dress, he blushes when he realises I've noticed "That's a very nice dress" He trails off and his eyes flicker to the moon even though it's just a crescent he looks like it's about to fast forward and become full, it genuinely breaks my heart to see. I try to get his mind onto something else.

"It's a bit revealing but Lily seemed to think I could pull it off" I laugh but genuinely the only reason I haven't run to change is because I've had just the right amount of alcohol to feel comfortable in it. The dress is emerald green silk but it plunges in a v-neck at the front which looks very flattering on Alice because she's slim but seeing as I gorged on Honeydukes nearly every day in 7th year it doesn't look quite as elegant on me.

"You look lovely; I'm very on edge about Sirius' best man speech... I think I may hide in the shrubbery until it's over" Remus laughs and sips some more champagne that tops itself back up as soon as the glass is empty, I'm certain it's a ploy so that everyone is too drunk to remember the Marauders antics.

"You know Sirius, he'll always act from his heart when it matters most" I smile and look at Sirius who's speaking to James in the corner of the garden when Sirius catches my gaze his gives me the most breathtaking grin ever, he looks so whole and blissfully happy like how I feel.

"When you and Sirius see each other you light up" He says softly as he looks over at Sirius and then back to me. Remus seems so lonely sometimes, in the romantic sense, he really doesn't believe there is someone for him.

"Because he strikes my inner most being, I feel connected to him, like he's a part of me and you'll find it too Remus" I say and Remus looks doubtful but he shakes it off and smiles at me.

"I think I should go round up my friends but save a dance for me?" Remus grins as he walks over to Padfoot and Prongs. I go to find Lily as we eagerly await the speeches.

An hour later the speeches have finished. I learnt far too much about James and I'm sure one story about his wand had nothing to do with his actual wand, Sirius told that story surprisingly. It was a weird of mix of brilliant, hilarious, emotional and what the fuck, kind of like our lives. After the speeches the jazz band starts up and people instantly beginning dancing, I talk to James' mother for a while and she says how much she wishes his dad could be here and it makes me cry. After this story I have this hideous image of losing Sirius and I know it would kill me.

"You look like we're attending a mass suicide" Sirius smiles sarcastically as he comes over, his bow tie is undone and his hair is ruffled...ok better stop before I get carried away.

"I'm just thinking" I say and grin at him, he grins back and he looks relaxed and carefree.

"Well don't think...dance!" He says and pulls me quite willingly to the dance floor. It's a very jazzy, swing number and Sirius dances with as much energy as he puts into everything else. He kisses me quite a few times ignoring the James and Lily's old relative who tut every time he does it but I can put up with the tutting. After about five songs Sirius starts dancing with Lily and I with James, we talk about how he feels about today and I inquire further about the wand story, and then wish I hadn't. Two dances later and there's another partner swap and I end up dancing with Remus which I fun and I love to see him laughing. The song comes to an end and Remus yawns and looks at the moon fleeting before he grins and mills away into the crowd of dancers.

"You know traditionally the best man and the maid of honour hook up at weddings" Sirius smiles as he puts his arms around my waist.

"Do they now? Well maybe I don't want to hook with the best man" I smile and put my head against his chest.

"You're such a bad liar Katherine" Sirius whispers as we move slowly from side to side, I catch McGonagall's eye from across the garden and she smiles gently at me and Sirius. I think she approves, as much as Minerva ever approves. Suddenly a gentle crack makes the dancers and guests turn to see Dumbledore who smiles amiably and goes to speak to James and Lily, he laughs and looks just like another guest but me and Sirius aren't convinced so we go over. James and Lily look at me sort of frozen and Dumbledore looks apologetic...oh god. Oh god, what's happened?

"Albus...has something happened?" I ask slowly almost not wanting to know the answer.

"Yes, it is Henry Johnson, Katherine...I'm afraid he has been murdered" He says gently "I do not wish to sugar coat it, it was attack by the Death Eaters" I can feel Lily, James and Sirius watching me waiting for my reaction.

"But he was so clever, he was going to do brilliant things...it just shows how much we have to fight for, to protect but also to avenge" I say to Dumbledore and he nods in agreement and gives me a warm glance before walking towards McGonagall who clearly awaits him.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Sirius asks with no hint of innuendo or humour, his tone is almost cold. I nod in agreement and he hastily walks back to the main house and I feel that our perfect, warm Hogwarts bubble is getting ready to burst.


	33. A Meeting with the Order

"What do you think Kate?" A voice says far away, I blink a couple of times and see Alice and the rest of the Order staring at me unsurely.

"Are you alright Katherine?" Minerva asks and I nod robotically. Lily, James and Remus look at me concertedly but Sirius just looks kind of irritated.

"I'm fine, can you repeat the question" I say, I cannot stop thinking about Henry, it's all very vague about his death but he was caught up in an attack on a muggle department store. It's not like I've realised some long lost love for him but he was my boyfriend, he meant something to me and we were friends when he died. I can tell it annoys Sirius that I'm so affected by it but it's not romantic in any way, it's just a wakeup call. A horribly loud wake up call.

"Does MI5 know any high sensitivity areas where the Death Eaters might attack?" Alice repeats giving me a soft yet strong stare and I know she's urging me to get it together.

"Nothing particular, places where there will be a high volume of muggles, London is the most vulnerable place to be but I would say but at the moment we must treat it with the idea that nowhere is safe" I state and it's a depressing thing to say, Sirius gives me a reassuring gaze and I feel a warmth spread through me as he does. I feel like I need reassuring that he still loves me, I've never questioned that I might lose his love but I feel vulnerable in so many ways now that I've started to worry about it.

"It would be futile to take the line of attack, our best chance is to defend and defuse, they'll soon look to dismantle the Ministry and we must stop them when that time comes" Dumbledore says looking far away. Everyone goes into their own thoughts and I can sense that a couple of people think it would be better to attack and I know Dumbledore does too so he continues "I hope you all trust me enough to trust my decision...I know some of you have a tendency to be impulsive" Sirius "And think what you're doing is right" James "Some of you may follow others" Peter "And some of you may let these impulsive and rash decisions pass you by or even get caught up in them" Lily, Remus and me "But I must urge all of you not to act alone, we are as strong united as we are weak divided" Dumbledore looks tired, in fact everyone looks tired apart from Sirius and James who are clearly having a telepathic conversation the way they're smiling knowingly at each other.

"May I just say that attack is sometimes considered the best form of defence" A woman called Marlene McKinnon chirps from across the circle that we sit in, in Dumbledore's office. When she makes this comment Sirius looks at her interestedly and nods and she smiles charmingly back at him.

"I work for British Military Intelligence and would say that that method is dated, a pre-emptive attack would prove, as Albus said, futile and could potentially result in the endangerment of muggles and wizards alike" I say frustrated, I'm tired of this eagerness to lay down lives so willingly. Remus and Lily speak their agreement with me on this as do Alice and Frank.

"Take a risk Katherine, MI5's muggle tactics may not apply to the wizarding world" Sirius snaps from across the circle.

"Maybe if you stopped your war mongering" I bite back and Sirius glowers at me.

"War is upon you whether you and your government accept it or not!" Sirius snarls before storming out of Dumbledore's office, everyone looks exhausted and Sirius' temper is an indicator that the meeting should probably draw to a close soon. James looks around the group before getting up and running down the stairwell after Sirius.

"I think we'll finish there tonight, we will continue to take the stance of defence over attack for now, i'll be in contact soon" Dumbledore said and went into his private quarters which adjoined his office. I look at the stairwell that Sirius and James had run down; he had called it _my government_ like I considered the muggle government more important to me. I don't of course, he's just angry that I want to delay a fight. It's not out of cowardice, I would love to personally kill Rowle and Gray but I want to save my friends and family from any harm. And above all Sirius, it's frustrating that he can't see that.

"Sirius and James probably won't come back for a while, why don't you two come back to mine?" Lily says to me and Remus, she looks at Peter who is talking to Frank Longbottom then back to me-everyone knows I don't like Peter apart from Sirius, and Peter but he never notices anything anyway.

"No I think i'll go home and have a bath...I want to be there when Sirius gets back" I say and Lily and Remus look at each other in a telepathic conversation way obviously pitying me. I look at them and smile forcefully before I leave to Hogsmeade, once there I disapparate instantly back to the flat in London and wait for Sirius.

./.. ./...

At 1.00am I've fallen asleep against the kitchen table when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I instantly wake up and pull my wand out. Sirius steps back and tries not to laugh but we both fail miserably. Eventually the laughter fades and we're left in our post argument stage. Should I apologize? Should he? Sirius walks over to the record player and Does Your Mother Know by ABBA begins to play, Sirius uses the chair as a stepping stone to the table and once he's on it he pulls me up with me. Over the summer we started this thing of dancing on the table just because it's our home and we can do whatever what want. We dance, laugh, kiss and eventually make love on the kitchen table (I clean it afterwards obviously). Although I'm not sure if it was that loving, it was more aggressive than it usually is like we were channelling our frustrations into it, trying to get the upper hand, it was different, passionate and more than satisfactory but for the first time I didn't feel the connection. And I know Sirius didn't either...and that terrifies me.


	34. Is This Working?

As soon as Sirius gets through the door I feel an apprehension over what mood he'll be in or what mood i'll be in. As you can tell things have not got better, I can feel Sirius pulling away from me and me from him. I don't know what it is, I variety of things really but I can see the cracks beginning to form. I knew things would be dangerous when I left Hogwarts but I never thought that danger would be to mine and Sirius' relationship.

"Katherine" Sirius says as he walks into the kitchen/dining room and looks at the paper sprawled across the table "Pencil pushing?" He says his tone almost repulsed, I'm assuming by the boring work.

"A report on wizard caused incidents in the muggle world in the last six months" I say and go back to writing the horrifically depressing report.

"Sounds like a drag, why don't we go out? We could go for a walk round the park under the stars and then go dancing and stay out all night or something" He says as he leans against the table and his grey eyes look at me searchingly.

"I have work tomorrow, this is in for tomorrow" I say regretfully knowing this is just making things worse but Sirius needs to realise I'm not him. I can't do whatever I want, whenever I want and get away with it.

"So?" He says and pushes the work to the side and gives me a challenging 'Come on Kate' stare.

"STOP IT!" I finally snap "Don't you understand how much work I have to do? We can't all show up for work and wave our wands for 9 hours!" I yell and pull my work back in front of me, Sirius gets up.

"And whose fault is that? You wanted that job at MI5 so don't moan about it, you're bloody boring at the moment!" He yells back.

"I'm an adult Sirius, I can't drop everything to go and sit under the stars, I have to work-" I'm cut off my Sirius.

"And I have to live! I need to feel alive and I don't right now and I hate it! I hate this!" He says gesturing to the two of us.

"You hate this? Then go fuck off with Peter, I'm sure he'd love to have you!" I shout back standing up now.

"Do you have a problem with Peter?" He says in flat monotone.

"Yes! I hate him, he is weak, watery and changeable and I really don't like him!" I say finally releasing the truth.

"I'm going to stay at James' tonight" Sirius nods awkwardly; Sirius is never awkward so it must be bad. I nod and he instantly disapparates. As soon as he's gone I sit on the floor and fall apart for a while before I rein it back in, finish the report and think about how to release some of these emotions. I get a wooden spoon from the counter and transfigure it into an upright piano. Normally me and Sirius are always singing, he plays guitar and I've recently started writing piano music, just a couple of pieces when I feel inspiration. I get the music sheets from a kitchen draw when I hear a knock on the door. Sirius! I run excitedly to the door only just realising how desperately I want to fix the argument. I pull it open and Lupin stands there looking tired and washed out, my disappointment doesn't have time to hit me as I pull Remus inside and observe his pale face.

"Kate, is Sirius in?" Remus says looking around and then he looks at me "Have you been crying?" He says frowning in the same way I'm frowning at him.

"Sirius has gone to James and Lily's" I smile forcefully "You can find him there Rem" I say falsely cheerful and begin to leave the living room when Lupin pulls me back.

"You've been fighting again" He says and it's not a question "I just needed to ask if he was still ok for Friday" Remus smiles softly, I look at the moon phase chart by the door that Sirius has had up since 6th year and realise Friday is a full moon.

"I'm sure he is...I'll ring Lily" I go over to the phone and call the Potters number before passing it to Remus.

"Hi Lily, is Sirius there?" Remus says and waits "Pads, its Remus...are you and James still ok for Friday?" Remus waits and then grins "Great, bye mate" Remus finishes before putting the phone down.

"Would you like some tea?" I say and Remus agrees, hanging up his coat and following me into the kitchen. I make a pot of English Breakfast because Sirius says it seems to calm Remus down the most and give him a bar of dark chocolate. Remus accepts it gratefully and begins biting the chocolate and looking at me in a confused way.

"What?" I chuckle and he nods towards the piano because his mouth is full.

"Oh that! Yeah...I started writing music" I smile and drink some of my tea.

"Can I hear it?" Remus asks swallowing his chocolate. I look at him thoughtfully and then go over to my piano, Remus walks over and leans against the side.

"Um this piece was based on Sirius" I say and put the music on the stand.

"Was?" Lupin frowns.

"I wrote in when we were-" I stop myself because I don't know how to finish, when we were happy? I shake my head and begin to play, it's fiery and fast and frantic and completely captivating with softer, slower parts as well. It's like him. When I finish Lupin looks at me bewildered "Good?" I frown.

"Good? That's...something else, has Sirius heard this?" Lupin asks looking at me intensely.

"No...not yet" I reply, perhaps not ever at this rate.

"You should play it to him, does it have a name?" He asks softly.

"It's called Lionheart" I say and put the music back on the table "Do you want to hear yours?" I ask and turn back to the piano and Lupin is looking at me like I'm about to say it's a joke "Do you?" I repeat.

"You've written a piece of music for me?" Lupin asks disbelievingly and pulls up a chair by the piano "It's not called furry little problem, is it?" He smiles and I chuckle and pull the music out.

"It can be called that but I called it Howl" I say and look at him and I feel something inside me, a flutter, a something. It's not butterflies or anything but it's something, I shake my head and I play the piece and it's softer, quieter and gentler than Sirius' but with an undertone of strength and confidence. I look at Remus when I've finished and his pale face seems less drained.

"Can you teach me it?" Remus asks as he looks at me, I nod and begin showing him how to play it and for first time in weeks I feel like myself again.

/././...,,,,

"So Remus was round last night" Lily begins as she stares into her coffee, she peers up at me and I wonder where she's taking this, actually I know where she's taking this. "Sounds like you two have been spending a lot of time together" She says prompting me to talk.

"Being around Remus, it makes me feel...better" I say and look into my coffee.

"And when you're with Sirius?" She says concernedly.

"When we're together we argue, we're both too stubborn to talk about it to any effect...we're together but we're not really...together" I say and feel tears pour down my cheeks, she holds my hand and looks at me sympathetically.

"You don't love him anymore?" She asks unsurely.

"Of course I love him, he's a part of me, when we're apart it's like losing my heart but when we argue, when he ignores me it breaks my heart...I don't know which is worse" I say to Lily and she looks at me with her head girl stare.

"Whatever happens Kate, if you are meant to be with Sirius Black then you will be" She says and drinks her coffee. Whatever will be, will be. Cliché but true.

./-/,./-

Two weeks later and nothing is resolved, mine and Sirius' relationship stands on the edge of a knife. Tonight we've argued again, over Peter or the Order or something... regardless I'm sitting on the kitchen counter ramming my mouth with as much ice cream as it can fit when I hear a mild crack and Lupin stumbles against the table before smiling softly at me as soon as I see him I ditch the ice cream and run over to him. I can barely see him through me tears, I tell him about how me and Sirius hang by a thread and he tells me that he knows and tries to comfort me. He pulls me into his warm embrace and I rest my head against his chest and feel his heart beat slow and rhythmically against my ear, he smoothes my hair and holds me tighter.

"Shh, it's alright, everything is going to be alright" He repeats again and again in his normal Remus' way.

"Well this is cosy (!)" A gruff voice comments from the kitchen doorway, I turn to see Sirius, Remus distances himself from me and looks at me then Sirius.

"Do you want me to go?" Remus says to Sirius and Sirius nods once, Remus looks at me and smiles reassuringly before disapparting.

"What the hell is going on Winslow? You hate Peter but you seem to love Remus, more than me actually!" Sirius yells from the other side of the kitchen.

"I love him as a friend; him and Lily are about the only people I've been able to talk to, would you be going off on one if it was Lily I was hugging?" I yell back glaring at him, he's hot even when he's angry, no Kate-focus.

"But it was Remus, I see the way you look at him, you don't look at me like that..." Sirius trails off but his eyes are still like solid metal, he's furious.

"You won't let me look at you like that...we don't work anymore!" I shout.

"Fine...go!" Sirius yells and waves his wand angrily and a stack of plates clatter and smash against the floor "If this isn't working then GO!" He repeats and I know this is it, we're not working, he doesn't want me, I can't handle him not wanting me. I push past him and stuff some things in a backpack.

"Goodbye" I say as I stand by the door and a tear falls down my face, Sirius looks at me longingly, pleadingly, apologetically, but by the time I see it I've disapperated to my sisters flat.


	35. Stay With Me

"Kate, I've made cottage pie" Marie smiles as I get home from work, her boyfriend is on a business trip or something "It used to be your favourite..." Used to be when I was about 12 although to be fair I still like it.

"I'm not hungry" I mutter honestly, I've been so tempted to go back to Sirius but my Gryffindor proud side comes through and I think he should apologize just as much as I should.

"Maybe you should go and see him" She says as she plates my dinner up anyway.

"He hasn't been to see me" I say but I know Sirius well enough to know he's probably thought about it as much as I have.

"Well men are like that" She smiles and hands me dinner which I end up eating, men are like that? I feel like my life is crashing around me but that's ok because men are like that.

"Sirius is different" I say between mouthfuls as I sit at the breakfast bar.

"They're all different until they're not" She says cryptically before walking off to her room. Does she have to talk in bloody riddles? Suddenly I hear a faint crack and James Potter is in the kitchen looking around aimlessly until he spots me and grins. I'm so happy to see him, obviously after a break up lines are drawn and James is in Camp Sirius so I haven't seen him much.

"Hello" James says as he sits on the counter "You look like hell" Um thanks? "So does Sirius, I think there might some correlation between the two so why don't you go and speak to him" He says going right in at the deep end, I shake my head and his cheerfulness seems to drain away "But you're miserable without each other" He says.

"And with each other" I point out and he looks down at the tiled floor.

"Which is worse, with or without?" He says and looks at me.

"James" I begin but he gives me a pleading stare "Without, it's infinitely worse without him" I say looking at my empty plate.

"Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know?" James says like its obvious, is everything so black and white to him?

"Not really James" I say glaring at him, he looks at me for a second and then sighs.

"You want me to go?" He asks looking at the door; I shake my head because he's only just got here.

"If Sirius changes his mind he'll come to me himself" I say knowing full well that's not true.

"But Sirius-" He begins.

"No James! Stop it, just stop it!" I yell and James looks at me taken aback. I didn't need to shout but being told about Sirius being miserable just makes me even more miserable.

"Ok" He says and looks at the floor "We'll talk about it another day" He grins widely as he helps himself to some cottage pie. I really do miss James but it's nothing compared to how much I miss Sirius.

,,,,/,,/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,/,,

"It's getting dark out there" My boss said to me as he put a cup of coffee on his desk for me. He was kind of sceptical about magic, I think he was finding hard to differentiate between Voldemort's side and our side.

"In more ways than one" I replied looking out of the glass, it was nearly seven o' clock, me and Sirius had broken up three weeks ago and instead of feeling better I felt like I was getting worse.

"Are you scared?" He continued bringing me back to the moment, was I supposed to provide reassurance here or truth.

"Well I'm scared for my family and for my friends...but for myself no-I'm excited" I said at risk of sounding crazy. He nods and looks out the window too.

"I don't know as much as you do about this and that's unusual for me but you seem to know what you're doing, muggles are still going missing so we'll need to have a look at that-" The phone begins ringing and he instantly picks up "Katherine there is someone here to see you" Sirius! "Lily Evans" Lily! Wait why is she here at my work? This must be urgent, oh god what's happened! "Friendly, send her up" He says as he puts the phone down, I instantly run to the lift to meet her and that minute feels like hours, painfully long hours. Eventually she steps out.

"Lily!" I say and run up to her, she looks panicked and she's been crying. My heart turns to ice and everything feels kind of slowed down or maybe sped up-I don't know. "Lily who is it?!" I say noting that I haven't said what is it.

"It's Sirius" I'm vaguely aware of a sort a muffled scream and realise it's me and Lily has clapped her hand over my mouth "NO! No, he's fine well not fine exactly" What is she talking about?

"What's going on?" I snap tightly and she looks at me breathes out soothingly.

"Regulus, Regulus is dead!" Lily says and I feel my stomach drop to the floor "Sirius is going insane, James is with him but he's going mad, genuinely insane" She says as if she can't this point across enough, I run down the stairs and Lily is a few steps behind as soon as we get outside the building I pant for breath and hold my hand out to her, she takes it and within seconds we're in the corridor outside Sirius' flat.

,,,,,/,,,/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

As we enter I actually gasp, his flat is in ruins, the table demolished, the floor scratched, the rug in tatters, the curtain on the floor. I enter and hear growls and cries and fast talking and spell casting coming from the kitchen/dining room. Lily goes in first and I look over her shoulder, Remus is crying and James is crying and Dumbledore looks unbearably sad as he tries to cast...stunning spells? Then I notice a black shape darting from one end of the kitchen to the other knocking things over and howling and I realise its Padfoot, its Sirius! I push past Lily into the kitchen and Padfoot stops mid stride when he sees me, James mutters something about going outside and they all leave. Padfoot looks at me for a couple of seconds more before he changes into Sirius. He sinks against the cupboard and repeatedly bangs his head against it as he cries; I sink down next to him not saying a word crying silently also. Sirius falls to the floor and puts his head in my lap and neither of us needs to say anything because we realise that us, me and him are stronger than any argument, stronger than anything. His sobs don't decrease in volume and frequency but I stay where I am rhythmically rubbing his arm until he is ready to sleep or talk or move. James enters back in; his eyes still red, not crying for Regulus' death but for what it's done to his best friend, his brother for the same reasons as I cry. He sits on the floor and looks at Sirius and Sirius looks back at him like they're talking. Sirius sobs slow and he breaths raggedly and less shallow, he sits up and looks at me.

"Don't leave me" He whispers blinking back tears as I wipe my own away.

"Never, I promise, never" I repeat and he nods staring at me. I barely notice that James has left the kitchen. Sirius gets to his feet and pulls me up to mine.

"I need to sleep" He says blankly "Stay with me" I nod and he leaves the kitchen, I hear brief passing of words and then the bedroom door shutting. I go out and they all look at me.

"I'll stay, I'll look after him I promise" I say and they all smile and leave obviously exhausted, Dumbledore stays.

"Katherine, make sure he doesn't do anything reckless" He says and I know Sirius, he'd probably go after Voldemort single handed if wanted to, I nod and Dumbledore leaves.

As I open the door to the bedroom Sirius doesn't turn, he just looks at the wall and I hear his quiet cries.

"My brother's dead" He whispers as if he can't understand the words "My brother's dead" He says again "My brother's dead" And it breaks my heart, I want to do something but I can't. Never have I felt so unbelievably powerless. I lie next to him and hold his hand, he pulls it away not out of lack of love but because he needs to process this; he needs to get to the very bottom before he can come back up. "Can you sing to me?" He says closing his eyes, I get his guitar from the corner and sit back on the bed. I begin to play just a gentle scale as I decide what to sing him, I realise the right song for the moment and as I sing Sirius' seems to relax whether it's my voice or the lyrics I don't know:

_I have a dream, a fantasy__  
__To help me through reality__  
__And my destination makes it worth the while__  
__Pushing through the darkness still another mile__  
__I believe in angels__  
__Something good in everything I see__  
__I believe in angels__  
__When I know the time is right for me__  
__I'll cross the stream, I have a dream_

As I finish I notice he's asleep, his face free of pain and hurt and I kiss his pale cheek and lie next to him. He's going to be ok, because he has me and i'll be ok because I have him.


End file.
